Will Mr. Bates Kill Again?

We just switched over from the Superbowl to an entirely different world altogether. I have this crazy superstition, shared by thousands of drunk men right now, that the Seahawks can only really win if I continue to watch them. We shall soldier on. If there is a turn around in this landslide of a game, I take full responsibility.

The ginger male cook (Alfred?) is depressed because he failed at souffle school. That blond visitor (Rose?) who is still around wants to plan a surprise for someone; I didn't catch who. Maggie Smith worries that young Peg (?) is stealing her hair pins; perhaps this is the beginning of her dementia. We watch Lady Mary and Lord Tom walking through a stable, though not making out yet (Dan and Tom have the same hat--we bought Dan's from the Army Navy store this December).

It's hard to write about this show when I can never remember anyone's name. I can only give you their names if someone says, That's her ladyship, Lady Graham Cracker. Okay, Mr. Barrow is the sneaky one. I had the same problem last week. And Peg is the invalid boy that the older woman who is not the Dowager is trying to keep employed. Surprise, the Dowager discovers that the ivory elephant she thought Peg took was really in the washing bucket. Maybe this is the beginning of the plot twist where the Dowager starts losing her mind.

Edith wears a giant head scarf and she's upset because Michael, her old married boyfriend, can't be found on the new fangled telephone. Alfred learns that another man got the cholera and is in an iron lung and so he gets to have the job at the Ritz. Daisy cries because Alfred is leaving.

The dog is looking trim.

(Update: I was right! The second I stopped watching, the Broncos scored).

Parlor talk, Rose's surprise has been spoiled, and Lady Mary and Tom are sitting next to each other. Mr. Carson and Anna are getting along swimmingly, but little does Anna know that he's plotting to murder her rapist.

They are weaving in more cultural references, such as Rudolph Valentino. The cook says he makes her giddy and Mr. Carson says something snide and too modern like, Perish the thought. Daisy wishes Alfred luck instead of beating him with the rolling pin as I'd hoped she'd do.

That other old lady (Mrs. Crawley) is up to some tricks, I think trying to prove that Peg did not steal the letter opener. And she has found it. This is what passes for hijinks in the show.

The loser guy, Mr. Moseley (they say his name often enough--he reminds me of Mr. Olson, the hen-pecked husband of Mrs. Olsen from Little House on the Prairie) shows up and decides to take the job as a footman, but Mr. Carson wants him to grovel more. And actually, he has decided not to allow him to work there at all.

Dr. Crawford or Crawberry tells Mrs. Crawley to "hold her horses" instead of coming down too hard on Lady Grantham. Peg who I think is wearing bedroom slippers for some reason, has been rehired. What is the point of this subplot at all?

I kind of hate how they have this subplot that pretends that Lady Mary and Anna are friends and confidantes in some way, even as Anna is planning to help Lady Mary take her stinky pantyhose after dinner. Bates has the same insincere dynamic with Lord Grantham. Bates is probably carrying a pistol in his pocket.

Everyone's all upset because the hierarchy has been upset with no footman around.

Anna and Mr. Bates are not being able to get into the restaurant until Lady Cora comes over and smiles in that dead way she has. It looks like this:


Edith is pregnant, no doubt.

It took me twenty minutes to load this photo, and so I don't know what happened. Seems that the Germans are looking for Michael, the lady's maid is still being a spy against her will, that one closeted footman tried to put his hand down Abby chemise, and Mr. Moseley has been rehired as a footman, but Mr. Carson strongly advises that he not forget his gloves. Lady Rose disturbs their breakfast and they all leap to their feet. She announces that she's planning on having the black band to the house because she has a crush on the main guy. Dan says, "We welcome Bruno Mars with open arms..."

Granny Crawley seems to just come and go as she pleases (she prefers to be called Grandmama, like in Heidi). Lady Mary and Tom are playing with the babies together. Lady Mary says that she's not unhappy, she's just not ready to be happy. Tom says that when he's in love, it feels as though he's been hypnotized. Lady Mary says that she was standing out in the snow in the cold and all she could think about was the proposal. This is how they will bond, over their mutual losses and babies.

Would they really let a black guy sit in their kitchen and eat food and drink? I mean, I hope so, but was racism not present in England or wherever this takes place? Or maybe it was a different kind of racism? More importantly, why are these ladies all wearing tiaras at the dinner table on a Tuesday night? And the men in tuxes.

You realize that Sybil was killed off because she has a film career blossoming. We just saw a movie preview with her as the dead lead love interest for that guy who is Irish and who I always think is Russel Crowe but isn't, and whose eyebrow are intense.

All these guys who also look alike are after Lady Mary. Maybe Tom will hook up with Lady Crawley, they seem to enjoy dancing to jazz together quite a lot. Maggie Smith wants to know if any of the jazz musicians knows what the others are playing.

Who is Harold? Is he going to be on the next episode? Can this be over now so that I can check the football score? If I don't start watching again, it may all be over.

Oh, scandal, Rose is making out with the black jazz musician. Lady Mary comes down and interrupts them. This was boring or maybe I'm just too distracted.

Next week: perhaps Maggie Smith may die. I hope not though.

Oh, my God--43 to 8, Seahawks, with less than two minutes to go. They have doused the coach in Gatorade, so it's truly over. And they did it without me watching, that is a miracle.

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