Monday, May 31, 2010

The Bachelorette, Starring Jonathan and Craig M.

The Weatherman and Craig are in a fight, but Craig should really watch out because WMan knows tai kwan chi do. The Weatherman reminds me so so so so much of Tom Cruise. He interrupted the guy with the diamond stud in his ear who also appears to be wearing a tarantula around his neck. Tom Cruise is wearing a white faux leather jacket from the 80s and is worried that he will have to break the face of Craig totally off. Ali can't stop giggling. Weatherman has got a short guy complex. I think most of the guys are totally drunk. Craig asks the Weatherman if he let other people talk  and if he was allowed to sit in a booster chair to talk to her. That is kind of mean. But he is also kind of short. The other guys are wondering what date they are going to get. Chris L.'s hair is sky-rocketing to the ceiling. Where the hell are they? China? Chinatown? The rippled guy is keeping his eye on the prize. So is his teeny tiny soul patch. Some of the guys  have giant heads. Here's the guy with the speech/hearing impairment. Ali is putting her ass in Justin's lap and intertwining her fingers with him. I do not respect Ali. Justin is here for a reason: The Prize. The prize and the best facial hair rose.

Ali will give the rose tonight to a guy who "let me know that he is there for the real reason" (the prize). Hey, by the way, Justin is also an entertainment wrestler. Ty with the tarantula necklace really is falling for Ali and has decided not to poison her to death. The Weatherman cannot stop talking about Craig M.

Missed a bunch of time with the show because we're trying to install an antique hanging lamp in the dining room (when I say "we," I mean that Dan is doing it and I am occasionally holding it up for him. I just turned on the air conditioner for the first time ever and it is totally lovely.

Ali is talking to someone from Boston and she is glad that they have at least one thing in common. He tells her that he's the oldest in his family and that he talks to both his parents every day. He says, "They are who I am." Which makes no sense. She would love to hang out with him for real. She is sort of adorable and also kind of fake and wearing three huge pearls on her finger. She's rocking the 60s look.

And now she's trying to get to know Roberto, who she liked enough to give him the first first impression rose. He is adorable. He has both a cleft chin and a dimple. She giggles and tells him that he is very handsome. She pretends to be blushing. She wants to know everything she can about him. He travels the world and he plays in baseball and she just think he's amazing. They are going to play catch. What? Wow. She is not afraid to take her shoes off. I hope he knocks one of her teeth out. Just for the drama of it. She manages to catch the ball. He's now an insurance agent though. I would not ever be able to do this, especially after a glass of wine.

He comes the deaf guy. He gets four seconds with her before Frank (sans glasses) shows up. Everyone is sending daggers at him. Craig R. from Philly, you are not going to be here for long. Frank can tell her exactly how he's been. He's been feeling like she's his girlfriend after just one date. He kisses her with his hand possessively on the back of the head. In front of everyone.

Oh, Steve is cute. He's wearing a vest. She snuggles with him.

John C. will also be going home, as will Hunter and his ears. 

I hope the Weatherman and Craig fall in love. Also, could Craig admit that he's older than 34? He looks like he's about 44.

Ali doesn't like the Weatherman either. There has to be something else going on in the show besides Craig and the Weatherman fighting, right? Not really. How often has Jonathan called Craig M. a jerkoff? LOTS. 



Hunter with the ears

Roberto, of course!

Chris L. The one she didn't really get a chance to talk to but who is from Massachusetts.

Justin. I think he is the one who has the many girlfriends. He says, "Aw, sweet!" He got one of the prizes.

Steve. I like him. I like him and his vest. He's a little bit of a dork. I like that in a guy.

Kirk. Another blond. A blond with swirly hair as if done up by a hand-held blender.

John C. He looks like he's from the British Isles.

Craig R as in Are you serious?

Chris M. Still evolving.

Final rose! Either the Weatherman or Craig M. are going home or both. I hope it is both!!! And then they can fall in love.

Goes to...Not the guy with the blemish on his forehead. The Weatherman. HA! Craig will go home. He cannot believe it. He plans on decking Ali.

Ali wears her sad, pouty face. Going home: The guy with the blemish. He seems nice. He says he can't believe he was so nervous. Dude, you were on TV. Craig M. says that it's absolutely tough going home. She missed a huge opportunity and he can't believe it. Can't be serious about someone shorter than you, he says. Gross. The guy with the part went home, I think?

Okay, on the next episode: the Bare Naked Ladies show up to create a music video. Justin hitchhikes on a broken leg to her house. Drama ensues.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Your Friends and Neighbors

Had dinner at Bomb Bomb last night. An authentic South Philly restaurant where the wait staff calls you "hon" and the menu lists spaghetti sauce as gravy. 

Here are some other things seen around town lately. This is where you can train your little precocious dancers so that they can aspire to audition and be rejected for a reality show at some point.

And a cat I pass frequently and have probably already featured on one of these posts.

Different cat. Not sure what that black thing is to the left of him. A black wooden duck?

Jenn and I went to GreensGrow Gardens last weekend and I bought some plants, including a gladiola or a hyacinth or some such thing. I may have already killed it.

A single red rose is like a single tear coursing down your cheek...................................................

Cats dutifully killing and eating something gross.

Yeah! It's some kind of holiday on Monday! Bring out the flags! (I passed a white-haired old man on the sidewalk today saying, "I'll give you a call after Labor or Memorial Day or whatever the fucking holiday is").

This cat is available for very cheap at Doggie Style in South Philadelphia.

I  see this cat often when I'm walking down 11th Street after going to the gym. I like his blue eyes.

And again. He always rolls over for me.

Since it's graduation time, several houses have these elaborate congrats signs and banners. There was one right down the street for Shaniqua (I'm not making that up); I didn't take a picture because someone was walking behind me and I felt self-conscious. But look at the many photos of Rosyln.

Street art. If you can't have real flowers, you can always make them yourself.

I guess the Flyers are in some kind of competition?

Squished up cat.


You never know what animal you might see. I just caught a glimpse of fur. I believe this is a terrier or a Scottie or a Scottish terrier.A Toto dog.

And finally, yet another kitty. As some might say, cats are part of my lifestyle.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

So True

I experienced this graph just this morning with Emma Carol (from

"You Together with Someone?"

That's part of a conversation I overheard on my way to work today---a man and a woman waiting for the bus, and the guy was obviously hitting on the woman. He said, "You together with someone? You got a man?" The lady just laughed and I kept going and so didn't get to hear the rest of the discussion.I walked up 15th street today for a change of pace and scenery. Saw a cute little white and black patched three legged dog, but resisted petting him for fear he would topple over.

Went to Zumba last night, but we had a different teacher--one with a very round bottom and a penchant for Hawaiian-ish luau moves. She kept a smile on her face the whole time. We did a lot of jiggedy-jiggedy hip movements and thrusts. I didn't hate it, but the other teacher's class is much more high energy and the time seems to fly by.

Here is how nice my friends are. Julie in State College sent me a birthday present, though I have probably never, ever have gotten her anything and have yet to meet one of her children yet (she has, like, two or three?). She ordered this print on because she said it reminded her of me. Don't you love it to death? If you click on the link, you can read the text.

And then I would like to add this artistic rendering of Ernesto, right before he takes a huge bite out of this new plant I bought with the $20 my grandmother sent me (also for my birthday). He is the loveliest and, as my mother would say, his fur is so white.

Oh, and one last thing. This is a photo of a stray that Padhraig snapped recently in Ireland. Quite the healthiest looking feral cat I've ever seen, though a bit depressed. 

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Where is The Bachelorette Update?

I just don't know if I can do the updates for this next season...I only caught the last 45 minutes of Monday's season premiere and it doesn't seem in the least bit interesting, not that it ever was, but it's the same thing, every show. It's a show on auto-pilot. As in the last however many iterations of The Bachelorette, all the guys can talk about is who's not there for "the right reasons." NO ONE is there for the right reasons; they are all on there to be on TV. No one can seriously expect to fall in love while being filmed. It's hard enough in real life. Then add a generic hot tub, fake champagne, and 6 cameras and see how well it goes. And supposedly there's all of this added fake drama with some guy having a girlfriend or two already, same old, same old. Also, Ali's hair is suddenly ten feet longer than it used to be. I think she's cute, but I wonder if there is any such thing as an interesting person on one of these shows. Probably not.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Friday, I'm in Love with You

I don't have much in the way of South Philly photos because this week, I've been walking from Broad/Walnut to work and that's mostly a business-y district. However, I can offer you a few crumbs.

Three different South Philly cats this weekend. Here is one looking longingly through a screen door.

And then this one was outside on 11th Street. She was wearing a collar with something like "Lulu" written on it, but she wasn't very friendly. I tried to pet her about 25 times.

Two images of a ginger (as Padhraig would say). One from afar in noble profile and one shot closer up. 

This would be Leigh Ann modeling after the gold Buddha from last week's celebration. I told her that she had to close her eyes to look exactly like the statue. She is super obedient.

My new hair cut. I got this done yesterday at Saturn. It's very brown and it's also short. I know, I look exactly like Katie Holmes.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Need to Update my i-Pod

I need to figure out how to log into my other laptop at home and access the web, because I am sick of all of my music. I realized lately that the songs are mostly from the 80s and 90s and most of them have some kind of memory attached to them, so that every time I listen to a particular song, I trigger that memory. It's not that they are good or bad associations; most are pretty simple and silly, like Rod Stewart's "Forever Young," reminds me of my college roommate, Lauren, who dedicated that song to her parent's at her graduation. I always thought it was a funny thing to do--like, the song seems more as if the parent's would dedicate it to their kids and not vice versa. Liz Phair songs remind me of State College and GFTEO. The Outkast song, "Your Love," reminds me of a night in high school with the kids from Countryside High. The theme from Oklahoma reminds me also of high school, because that was the first musical I was in and where I had exactly one line (that I got wrong). And on and on. And then there are songs I loved but am tired of, like Elliot Smith's "Someone That I Used to Know," in large part because it's grammatically incorrect.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Meditating Kitties

In my last meditation class, I embarrassed myself by asking a dumb question. I had it all planned before I spoke, and thought it would come out funny, but it didn't. It was only our second class, so no one really knows each other very well, and so when I said, "I have a question about cats" no one laughed. It reminded me of my elementary school friend's adult sister, who once asked at a dairy how they made chocolate milk. But she also had brain damage, so that made it okay. I blushed. The answer is simple. Either ignore the cats or put them away.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Friday Photos

Just a few photos this week--I didn't find anything inspiring. We're in between holidays, so there's not much that people have to showcase just now. This first one is a scary doll mannequin. I don't think I've ever seen a stuffed mannequin before.

And here are two more, taken from afar, lest they think I am making fun of them, come to life, and kill me. Why are these two kids dressed like detectives? I can't remember it this is like a costume store or what.

I like how this cat is staring into the distance at something and I like his folded over paw.

Here is a plant box growing sticks.

And do I need to remind any of you that it's now May?

This is my favorite one this week. My leggy shadow from this morning.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Bad Break Up Lines

On campus today, I overheard two guys talking about friends who had recently broken up with someone and were lamenting the loss. The one guys said, And I told Abigal, but he's an asshole! She didn't email me back. She likes him, even though he told her she was too much work." The other guy said, "Yeah, my friend in New York had a guy break up with her by going, 'You're exhausting.' I mean, what a lame thing to say. They should have a cautionary list of bad break-up lines." Which of course made me think of myself (they could be discussing Auschwitz and I could find a way to reference it back to me, me, me). I've heard a few good break-up lines in my life, some of which I may have mentioned before:

1. Not-yet-over-his-wife-philosophy-professor. After six months of dating, I said, I love you. He said, I think of you fondly. The end.

2. "I don't think I can match your level of intensity." Guy who wanted me to do unspeakable things to his body. I think he was projecting.

3. "I can't tell if you're really, really smart or if your head is screwed on too tight." This wasn't really a break up line; just something a guy said to me in high school. He never knew if I was joking or not; never knew if I could tell that what I was saying was funny b/c I didn't laugh after making a joke.

4. Conversly, I had one date with a guy who said, "Enough with the jokes already." He was trying to reveal his soul (on the first date?) and I being too jokey about it. 

And then I've not been the greatest breaker-upper either. I ended a five year relationship by moving out of state without telling the guy I wouldn't be back (he thought I would just be gone for the summer. I guess I did too until I got there). Still, it's a lame way to break up...The extended, long-distance, "can you bring my cat with you when you visit and my photos and by the way I won't be coming back with you ever"  break-up.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Meditation Class, Take 2

In January, I started a meditation class, but stopped when I realized that I was going to have to miss two night classes and the day-long meditation practice. Today, I started again--this time in a class with quite a few more people, a good range of ages and professions. Quite a few are already meditation practitioners, and a couple of them work as either social workers or therapists. We also have one scientist and someone interested in researching meditation. I didn't say much today, realizing that I always feel compelled to come up with something funny or insightful or confessional. Wish I could write more about the class members, but confidentiality was emphasized, so I won't. I can mention that the 8-week class is held by the Penn Program for Mindfulness, if you are so inclined to join in.

We did a 25 minute body scan meditation and I very nearly tipped over the edge into sleep. Like, I could feel that moment happen where your brain starts doing nonsensical things, such as thinking about Native Americans (this thought popped into my pre-REM mind today, Oh, I wonder if the NA made it back to their teepees? It seemed related to a dream I had recently, but that too escaped me when I tried to snap out of it).

I like the teacher a lot. He wore a suit and spoke like an every day, normal person--not someone who was going to tell us to take out our crystals and rub them on our chakras (the word chakra always reminds me of a pin my friend Jennifer had in high school that read "My karma ran over my dogma"). But he has also been practicing meditation for 30 + years, so he may be trying to trick us into being mindful. I'm on to him.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Under My (Gigantic) Umbrella

Nothing is better than a rainy Monday, unless you can also have a rainy Monday where your entire body is eclipsed by an umbrella. I realized this morning that I left my normal-sized bumbershoot at work and so was forced to use the one given to me by Drexel. Here is about how big it is:

It looks like it should be accompanied by a set of four patio chairs. I felt like apologizing to everyone who crossed my path as it required them to skirt to the edges of the sidewalk to avoid being gouged.

However, I arrived to work completely dry.

Took 2 yoga classes this weekend at Sweat. The one on Saturday was taught by an older woman who warned us ahead of time that she had a cold and so would not be touching us much during class. Yet somehow, she managed to put her hands on all of us. She asked our names at the beginning of the session and then referred to Jen and me throughout most of the class. "Jen, watch your arms. Jen, take a wider stance. Aimee, please stop falling over..." It was distracting. The Sunday class had a much better flow. The yoga teacher was a guy named Jake. He only touched me once to press on the small of my back during downward dog. I tried not to imagine he was flirting with me; especially since Dan also teaches yoga and the women in his class probably all of crushes on him. I know I do.

I like this artist today. His name is Mark Ryden. The first one is called "Sophia's Mercurial Waters."


 "Good-bye Bear"

"Allegory of the Four Elements"

"A Dog Named Jesus"
"Rosie's Tea Party"

"Clear Hearts, Grey Flowers"

"Dead Characters"

Maybe for the next fiction class I teach, I can bring in and distribute some of these and then you ask them to tell the story that's behind it. But then I'd get a lot of sci-fi, so maybe that's not the best idea.