But Call Me Betsy

Because I think Dan's a natural. Here are the highlights/low lights of last night's Bachelor , acted out in real time. Go here to view it for yourself. As usual, Dan steals the show.

Missed the beginning b/c we were eating some crazy burrito tortilla deal. Brad is man enough to wear a pink shirt. If he ends up not liking this girl he's on a one on one date with, she gets sent home. How is it that no one else is at this amusement park? This girl needs to stand on her own two feet, she says. Brad says she sounds like she's preparing for the worse. she says that she wants to confess things about her family and she can't stop gesturing. Is she trying to make Brad cry? Did your dad love you? Can I call you Ass? he says. Absolutely! says Ass-ley.Brad wnats to have so many more conversations like this later, just not with her. Oh, but he gave her the rose anyway. The ride to the top of the Ferris Wheel and CBS gets an nice upskirt shot of Assley. I WISH I had the same size of earings that this girl with the birthday has. She is wearing bicycle wheels on her head. Many, many of these women are blonds and look exactly the same. This one blond says she's go...

I missed the first few minutes--Dan has filled me in. Apparently, Brad has commitment issues because his dad abandoned him once...for eight weeks. Hmm...Does that count? Try not meeting your dad until you're 23. We're also getting to meet all of the freakish women desperate for husbands. Emily is the cutest so far. One girl is a vampire and she even has the sharp teeth. For real. A few are divorced and exploiting their children on TV. A few other have dead people in their lives--dads, husbands, cats. One girl works at a mauseleum and hopes she can bury Brad in it. She actually said that. Uh-oh. Emily might be a Christian. She believes her husband died in a plane crash so that she can meet the bachelor. A few things about Brad. He likes to work out. He likes to walk around with his shirt off. The two things may be related. He also has a giant tattoo on his back--I think it's the letter "P?" Not sure. He has a slightly Southern accent, even though he's from Balt...