But Call Me Betsy

Last week, our Internet was broken, and the week before that, I didn't have the energy to check in. Now, I am fighting the pull of World Cup soccer from my family members, but I shall persevere.  Previews tell me that she's doing a good job of making out with lots of guys. The dude with long hair is still on the show, as well as the model who keeps reminding us that he's a model. She gives the model a pair of golden hot pants. Apparently, someone fell off a bunk bed last time. Why are they being forced to sleep like they're the boys in The Brady Bunch?  Don't know what's happening now because there is a severe thunderstorm warning for some counties (not ours). We're right in the middle of a rose ceremony. She can't send home the guy with the beat up face. Instead, she gives him the rose that men with bruises get. She finds him to be so positive and upbeat after "the beating he took" from falling off a bed.  Number of times the word ...

Rachel wears a sparkly golden dress with a matching jacket over it. She glitters. She glows.  This guy with the hair is a total dick. Lee, the guy with the big hair, the stand up in the air, gelled wall of hair. Lee says, "My grandfather…" I wait for him to say “owned slaves” because he strikes me as a typical privileged white guy and he may have a Southern accent and also because he told the black guy not to get mad, dude.  The model cute white guy  in the Hawaiian shirt (Dean) says, "These guys aren’t the people who Lee’s used to hanging around with on a regular basis on a cultural level."  Invisible producer goes, "What do you mean by that?"  The guy goes, "You know what I mean. I am talking about intolerance." Holy shit, this show is actually (sort of) addressing racism.  Rachel says to Bryan, "You're so charming, it scares me."  The guy says, "It's a fairy tale. It's 1,000% real." Which of course m...

Recall that we left the last episode on a cliff hanger, which I guess is the TV station's way of asking us to return. One of the dudes who already had a girlfriend has returned to beg for another chance. Rachel explains that she's looking for a man, not a boy. He's a boy for not telling the truth when she confronted him. He leaves with a shine of tears in his eyes. She is poised, classy, articulate.  The men high-five at her moxie. A guy shows up with huge hands which I guess he either added to his carrying on or fashioned out of existing sheets from the Radisson. The skin tone is slightly brown to show that he is sensitive. Another guy in a bow tie illustrates his intelligence by not quite solving a Rubric's cube. Another by showing pictures of his ten year old daughter. Blake can't swallow the nonsense of the Howdy Doody guy who has one hounds tooth jacket that he can't stop wearing. Lucas is his name and he claims Blake has been standing over him while he...

I missed the season premiere of this first ever season of The Bachelorette featuring an African American person as the main contestant. I have yet to see the mixture of men...Looks like half white, half black, a couple of Asian Americans, and all here for the right reasons. Chris Harrison points out that Rachel is both smart and beautiful, "all of the attributes you could want" in a wife. All two attributes. The group date card comes out and tons of dudes are going. Rachel meets the guys while grilling at a BBQ. Hmm... Jonathan's job is "tickle monster" aka unemployed actor. They're playing football, and she "hut, hut, hikes" while wearing a dress. Everyone hates Lucas, and Blake, the aspiring drummer, says that Lucas is garbage and is only there to be on TV. Rachel has a lovely gap in her front teeth and I am so proud of her for not getting it fixed. Ashton Kutchner and some other lady are there. Ashton Kutchner is super hot. It occurs to ...

I'm so very embarrassed that my blog seems to now only exist when the most ridiculous reality show is on. Also, who is Mark Freestyle (I'm catching the last four minutes of Dancing with the Stars) ? Is he a gymnast? A bobsledder? Or is it Paige Someone who is the semi-famous/non-dancer person? I thought for sure that she was a true ballerina. She gets all tens as everyone has wet their pants per her excellent pirouettes. How many more seasons of DWTS before JoJo is a contestant? Guess: 3. First, we are required to watch ridiculous recaps of JoJoelle pretend to love what's his face. I have forgotten his name already. Steve? I am reminded that JoJo favors clothing that cascades off her shoulders. Promo example: Also, she talks in a baby voice and has amazing breasts (implants?) and two brothers who will kick the shit out of you if you cross their baby sis. Oh, okay, wait, she's on a journey to find love. Cue cascading waterfalls and sound check on the squawki...

As per usual, I missed the first few minutes. but here we are, at 8:11 with Ben XYorZ in front of a fake fireplace at a fake inn with a fake frothy glass of Guinness. Ben H. loved his last girlfriend but fears that he is unlovable. He is a software rep, so that is probably a valid phobia. Who uses the word "lovable" unless speaking about a teddy bear? To prove that she finds him as lovable as a Gund, Kaitlyn sticks her tongue down his throat. Kaitlyn then asks him if he's a virgin. Gulp! Quick switch back to the men and the date card. Ashton Kutchner gets the card and it says something about things running amok. Uh-oh, Nick is also a software rep. I find him about 1,000 times more attractive than Shawn, who is breaking out even as he speaks. Back to Ben Hur. Is he a virgin? Uh...No, he's not!!! Here is Shawn: And here's Nick: And here's the guy from Kentucky. When he says that he likes her and she doesn't say anything right away, he goes, ...

I hope in the next season of The Bachelor , the man cries as much as Kaitlyn is crying, those heaving, sobs of regret for being attracted to more than one person at a time. Shawn, with the slicked back blond hair and beer bottle in the giant paw of his hand, says that he's not sure he can do this. He asks Kaitlyn if she's in love with him and she says, "I'm falling in love with you?" They make out. She cries. He goes and sits out on the steps in his denim jeans, his forehead super wrinkly, because that's how worried he is. Worried like a Shar Pei. Next, Kaitlyn goes on a double date with JJ, the investment banker and Joe, who she thinks is hilarious and I think looks like he shoots guns at beer cans. He wears a denim shirt with a down vest over it. They go on a boat and Kaitlyn is hoping that Joe will speak from the heart and that JJ will not talk too much about his three year old daughter. One of these guys must go home. JJ says that he's really fal...

I get that you want viewers. I get that you are pandering to the lowest common denominator, to people who want to zone out in front of the TV or are watching it while doing something else, so only half paying attention. I get that you still believe we're a society who can't handle a series where we see anything but the most hetero-normative representations of people: white goes with white, female goes with male. Perhaps you feel it is still too early in American history to have a bisexual male bachelor or a black female bachelorette or perhaps you're leaving that to the more progressive cable channels. You want to the show to be palatable to the prime time viewing audience, which may consist largely of Christian white women or Catholic white women or Southern-born conservative white women. I trust you know your demographics and so are pandering to your viewing audience. Okay, I take that back. I don't trust that you know what you're doing or that you have any rese...