Art and Snow

It snowed a bit this weekend. These are photos of what used to be my back patio.

 

  

  

And this is probably the only time in his entire life that Ernesto has refused to go outside. Both he and Emma Carol, really, really want to be out there until they find that the snow is cold and not so friendly.

  

Below, please find some urban art that Lisa Marie and I discovered in South Philly.You just never know what will turn up.

  

  

 

Joy and Life and Dancing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The title refers to what the baby-voiced Tenley can bring to a household. and you know what TenLee would say about that? She would say, "Aw, tank you, daddy! Tank you for not being like my big bad ex-husband who weally didn't understand me or appreciate my pirouettes at all!" Of course, to be fair, this show is heavily edited and so they have to put labels on every one of the contestants/actresses/automotons, and her label is, Can't Get Over My Ex. The worst thing I've seen in this second half is Tinlee dancing solo for Jake in a leotard. I wish they would've played, "On the Wings of Love!" along with it. Her ex husband never admired her dancing and he also didn't get her hair-dos or her polka-dotted rainboots. Dad would give his blessing to Jake if he would just take his daughter off his hands, for the love of God, please marry her!!! What century are we in where the dad has to give his say-so and tells this guy he's known for ten minutes that it's okay for him to wed his off-spring for all eternity?

We already know he ends up with Vienna Cookie, so what's the point?

Next up: Vienna. She's a Florida girl, like, duh, no kidding. I grew up surrounded by Florida girls and they seriously all look like her. Jake says, There's just something so natural about Vienna (as he's spinning her around near a pond and her periodxided hair is flailing out in all different unnatural directions). Oops, looks like Vienna has been married too, and divorced and she's 23 years old. Jake notices that Vienna really puts her dad on a pedastal and so he's nervous about whether he'll have to wrastle an alligator to prove his devotion to her and her teeny-tiny light denim shorts. Aww, Vienna's dad has Mr. Magoo glasses. He's fumbling around trying to find a Ritz cracker and accidentally eats one of the dog's biscuits. How long has it been since she's been home, like twenty years? Her dad's acting like he hasn't seen her since she was knee high to a Seminole papoose. Daddy expects his little girl to be treated like a princess and how do Jake feel about this here? Jake says he will try to treat her like a Princess or at least third runner up in the Miss Orange Bowl competition. Is it my imagination or is Jake's Texas accent getting thicker around these faux panhandle Southerners?

Fake drama as what's-her-face (Ali?) tells Jake that she has to choose between him and keeping her job. Like, wouldn't she have asked her work about this before she left? Jake doesn't know what to say. He decides to tell her that she has to weigh which would be her bigger regret--choosing him or her job at Burger King. He can't guarantee that he'll put a ring on her finger and he can't guarantee that he won't. Depends on what's better for the ratings. Cue the slow music. Wish Tenley were in the background doing her interpretative dance of this very moment.

Rose ceremony: Jake expresses that he has come to the show to find love, but he also feels that it is not in his power to tell Ali what to do. Cue commerical. I swear, 50% of this show is ads. Jake must go into the room with the head shots and decide who he likes. Music swells again. Chris will give Jake a few minutes to talk to the women or to...I don't know, roll dice?  Jake has a moment with drunk Ali. They have to put her dialogue in text so we can understand what she's saying. Jake says that he doesn't want her to go. He asks her what she is feeling. She says that her, like, feelings, have like, like, really progressed, and she's never felt like she's met anyone who wasn't deserving of her love (huh?). Jake says that if she is falling in love with him, that she should stay. She says that she loves him and then we see a camera shot of her panties. She will leave and perhaps come back in the last episode, where he will dramatically reject her and Tenley will appear above them in a tutu.

Everyone is crying, even Chris. Ali says that she will have to leave and that she is so, so sorry. Close up on Jake, who seems to be crying real tears or else something just got in his eye. Jake ever so slowly walks Ali to the limo. He says that he feels like she is slipping through his fingers and he doesn't know how to stop her. Sobs all around. Seven minutes left in the show, yet it seems like an eternity. Ali says that she's sorry again, but if she doesn't show up to work, who will make sure that the fries are properly crisped? She doesn't know if she made the right choice.

Jake says it hurts like crazy that Ali left and he's trying to find his inner strength and he is going to try to contact his inner Jake to figure this out and that he hopes that his inside Jake will accept his collect call. His heart is just going to stick it out for as long as he can stand it. He has three AMAZING women and he is going to see what happens on the Aleutian Islands, or wherever they're going. Siberia?

Meanwhile, Ali regrets her decision five seconds later and can't believe she won't get to go to the Aleutian Island and see the sled dogs.

Coming up next week...The women get to meet with Jake on the beach and Jake has to figure out which of the three women are most likely to cause him to make the hardest decision he has ever had to make on this incredible, amazing, fucking awesome journey.

Let it Snow, Who Cares, I've Been to Trader Joe's

Which means that I can live off of tofu for the next six days without starving, regardless of what the weather does.

Padhraig sent me this link: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/how_to_put_the_spark_back_into

Watch it if you want to learn how to further bond with your cat.

Yes, Missed the First Hour but I'm Certain it Doesn't Matter

Here's how Corrie talks, "You know, I would like to murmur murmur and like murmur. I'm a murmur." Jake,"Huh?" "I love Jesus and I'm a vir-mur." Tonight with Corrie was do or die for Jake and I think she may have just died.

Now the blond Allie? Ali? Muhamed is having her one-on-one date with Jake in San Francisco--her home town. The girls falesly bid her to have a grrrrrrrrrrrreat time!! She is so ready to give him her heart, her soul, her "everything." Take that, Corrie. She forces Jake to buy her daises and walks down the street with him squealing and saying how perfect everything is. But Alliegh needs to tell him how much she like, likes him. I suspect that she should try a little harder to appear serious. She makes up her fake perfect Sunday which includes checking her email and eating eggs. Jake could absolutely see himself in San Francisco and Ally can totally and definitely see herself in Texas. She confesses that her family is not perfect, but that she's okay with that. Jake wants to get some real answers from aLyy about Vienna (who he so clearly doesn't like and who he has been forced to keep on to keep the show from grinding to a complete halt). Jake is forcing Alee to talk shite on Vienna, but she is refusing to bite. She is saying that she will leave it up to him and that she doesn't want to seem like a bitch. I'm shocked. She's really falling for him and she thinks they have something so great and so that makes her like so happy. Now they are frolicking on the beach and she is ruining her $500 boots by wading in the surf. That's how much she loivkes him.

Cue San Franciso trolley bells.

Jake cannot believe that he has to send one of these wonderful ladies home, because he has fallen for all of them. Tenley wants to believe that her connection with Jake is real, but she's not sure and she's also not sure what color her hair is--blond, brown, azure? Someone went crazy with the curling iron on her hair. Jake does like her a lot. Now they are awkwardly dancing in the fake library. Please let her dress fall down to reveal her boobs. I could never never never dance with someone (1). Wearing six inch heels; (2). Without any music.

He would like to have a few more moments with Corrie to see if she is really into this virginity thing. She explains that just because she's a virgin, doesn't mean that she's not in touch with her sensual side. Jake wants to let her now that it's okay with him. It's not about sex appeal, it's about heart appeal.

Vienna's hair has been made into a faux bun that makes it appear as though she's just emerged from a wind tunnel. Does what's her face--Gia, does Gia have a Jersey accent or not? Hard to say. She's quite beautiful, except when she does the pouty thing. Jake is saying that it's totally amazing. Amazing is the key word. Tenley can't stop fiddling with her dress. All of them want Vienna to be kicked off. Vienna is being pulled aside to see where he is with her. He lies and says that he's really attracted to Vienna--what? If he keeps her, that will be so so so so fake. Jake takes her into the bedroom to show her the view of the city from his balcony. I guess she's kind of cute, except her teeth are completely straight and all the same size. Jake is feeling like the situation sucks. She thinks they have great chemistry, but I don't see that at all. They've all been told to say, "I-want-Jake-to-figure-it-out-for-himself." Jake is just going to let his heart go and see where it lands. He is kissing her and covering her entire blond, windswept hair with his giant palms.

Uh-oh. It's that time again. I have no idea who he's going to send home broken-hearted. It has to be Vienna or Corrie. Though if he sends Corrie home, he will look like a total cad. Chris has a faux earnest conversation with Jake about how he felt on each of the dates with each of the women each of the time. We get a 5 minute long recap and montag of what we just watched about 10 minutes before. In case we forgot: Gia seems kind of insecure, but sweet. Tenley has the straighest hair on one date, and the curliest on the next. Aille is just so easy to be around, even when she is straddling him on the ground in a really unnatural and weird way. Corrie is a virgin who will not live with her partner before marriage. Vienna talks and acts like a fourteen year old. Jake stares at the headshots on the bookshelf.

Rose ceremony:

He thinks that all of them are absolutely amazing and his heart is just breaking right now.

First rose:...............................................Tenley. Her cheeks are so, so rosy.

Second rose:........................................................Aleigh. I wish one of them would not accept this rose.

Third rose:.............................................................Gia. Yes, she's a swimsuit model. Very coy and wearing a necklace around her wrist.

Final rose:......................................................................Vienna. He almost vomits before he says her name.

Going home: Corrie, the amazing virgin. She doesn't get it. She just doesn't get it. I can explain it to you, later, Corrie. At least she's not bawling her eyes out. How long is this damn limo? Oh, okay, she kind of is crying a lot and wiping her eyes with a paper towel.

Whew! He's so glad that tonight is over. Left: two and a half blonds and one brown haired gal.  Alei's mom is cute. Someone's dad owns a motorcycle. Okay, Gia's mom is taking his balls to the wall. Uh-oh, biggest bombshell of all is being dropped on him and there will be no rose ceremony. Yeah, no shit, because he let half the girls go and they need to fill up another show.

Why is it that the outtakes are 1,000 times more interesting than anything they ever show during the episode?

Mind Your P's and Q's

Have started taking this 8-week meditation class through Penn Medicine.  We meet every Wed. from 6-8:30 and then have daily meditation homework. This week, we're supposed to practice twenty mindful breaths four times a day and do a daily 30 to 45 minute sitting meditation. I can manage the 4 small meditations, but the longer one is more intimidating. The class includes mp3's to guide you through the process, but like yesterday, I had a hard time not peeking at the line signaling how far along we were in the meditation, becuaes I was thinking, Okay, I'm ready to be done now. And then it's easy to get distracted by the nosies of the cats--their nails clicking on the wooden floor as they do their cat things and I feel like I have to look to see what's happening, so that I don't miss Emma Carol licking herself or Henri cowering under the table for the hundreth time. I'm going to try to sit on the floor today when I do it, and I imagine that the cats will be even more present for that one, as they seldom get to see me right down on their level. But one of the things I keep reading/hearing about the practice of meditation is that you shouldn't judge or be critical of the process; that it's not about getting it perfect but at recognizing when you're mind is wandering and acknowledging it. For me, this means that I spend most of the time noticing how often I plan for other things--how I am constantly creating to-do lists or lists of concerns or worries about bad things that might happen. Because, you know, if I anticipate it, I can prevent it from occuring. That's the power I have over the universe.

Don't worry--I won't turn into a flakey-flake. I won't start wearing my hair in braids or buy a prayer shawl or stock up on tofu or "ohm" on the subway. But I do think I could use a little more stillness.

Late tune in

To sum up: "Connection. Connection. Amazing! Amazing connection! Most difficult rose ceremony ever.I get lost in your eyes (cue 80s song). I want that rose. I want to have the most difficult rose ever. She's a bitch. Not here for the right reasons. Her reasons for being here are not right, they are left. She's slutty. Why is that one girl's face so flat? Are you talking about me? Huh? Which one are you? I'm the blond. No, I'm the blond. We're the blond (in choral unison)."

Missed the first hour because of teaching a writing class. I'm going to like these students a lot--very intelligent and dedicated and open. Polite, but also willing to disagree with each other, I think, which is also important. I don't know if I'll be able to make a Bachelor video b/c Dan's not here and I also am already in my pjs and not really safe for video. Also, the camera is out of juice, so there will be nothing to record.

Jake must let someone go. Who will he choose, Ella or Kathyrn? I don't know which one is which, but I think he should get rid of the girl with the fake eyelashes and the fake nails and the fake son. He'd like to talk to Ella outside. Okay, Ella's the mom. He's going to let her go. She will cry almost real tears. He says that she's amazing, but he's developing feelings that are stronger with other women (those without the fake nails). She takes the rejection well, but will probably lose it when they film her on her own. Shake it off, Jake, come on, you're dressed like a lumberjack. Now he's talking to flat-faced Kathyrn, who has such an honesty to her. Oh, he's going to let her go too! Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe she shouldn't have thrown a tantrum about him not looking at her enough. She's mumbling something...Can't understand it. Should confess that I"m only listening to the show, not actually watching it. He knows that neither woman is right for him. She says, You're making a mistake (setting us up for her return in a later episode). Oh, the women are freaking out that he sent both of them home, but are also probably screaming for joy inside. Less competition.

Seven girls are left, and one of them will be going home tonight, leaving...uh...wait, one second...Eight girls?Four?

Jake is saying how he has to let people go when he knows that they won't be the right wife for him over the next 60 years. Two of the women already have roses, so they're safe. Corinne wants to know if she makes him nervous or awkward. He says no. She says, But you're supposed to be nervous if you like someone. Whoops! Why should he be nervous when he knows that the girls will hang on with their fake nails until the very end whether they like him or not. He may be kissing someone right now--not sure since I'm only listening. Jessie wants to have alone time with him so she can tell him that Deanna isn't right for him. She too is wearing five inch long eyelashes. I don't know that he's going to respond to this approach, though he does thank her, so much. He finds Jessie to be so incredibly sweet and a good friend. He also feels a little chilly from her fluttering her eyelashes so much. Deanna is asking him if he thinks that his family will like him; because the girls don't like her...She explains that that's because she's jokey and the other girls are so uptight. A strategic move, Deanna, by acknowledging the obvious.

Clink. Chris Harrison announces that it's time for the rose ceremony and for him to put more mousse in his hair. Jake pretends that he has no idea how he's going to make this decision though I feel like he really is thinking, Damnit, I don't like any of these women.

Rose ceremony: Jake is giving a semi-touching (not really) speech about how it's so hard for him to hurt anyone and it means the world to him that ya'all would put your lives on hold, it really hurts his heart and groin to let someone go.

Roses go to:

Alli? Ellie? Didn't Ellie go home? Cue dramatic music and fifteen to thirty minutes of waiting for the next name.

Cory. Cory will you except this fake rose? She surely will.

WTF. He needs just a few minutes to gather himself together because he doesn't like any of them. Jake asks Chris his advice. Does he have to give out the remaining two roses or can he just send the rest of the bitches home? Chris says, I don't know. Which choice do you think will make for better television?

Final decision: Jake keeps stupid Deanna and sends home these other women who are nondescript. This is totally staged. Oh, whoops, her name is Vienna. She looks more like Deanna to me.

Next week: They are headed to San Francisco and he's falling for someone. Cat fight. Vienna is hated. I hope she wins. "It's not about sex appeal; it's about heart appeal." What?

Video, revised, Part 10

Due to the previously mature content of the video first posted, I've reedited to make this one a little more palatable (though not much). This Monday, I'll teach the first fiction writing class and so Dan won't be able to come over and consequently, we won't be able to make a video. I guess I could just tape one myself, but that might be weird. Anyway, here's the PG-13 version of last week's video.