Finally, more windows

Have you missed my South Philly window pics? Me too. So many cats in windows, so little time. Here's one who needs a nail file to break out of her jail.

Patriotic cat.
Look closely. This is not a cat; it's a cranky doggie.

I love how this kitty has such a bright pink collar. Very luxurious against the lace curtain.

A real modern nun sighting. I had to pretend to be taking a photo of the church. What does she look like? Wait for it.
Like this!I love how her hands are clasped, as though she's continually counting the beads on her rosary even when it's not there.

Drinkers.
Shy kitty.
Friendly out door cat who I wanted to take home.

Bleeding Jesus + art deco.
A photo challenge: find the two cats.

My new BFF.
Spines of books in Lambertsville.

Me petting a horse. Shortly after this, a white horse came over and kicked this one in the chest, clearly jealous. Dan and I were splattered with mud, but otherwise uninjured.

Reminds me of Gretel, dead now for about 3 years, but always memorialized in the painting Jodie made for me which hangs in my living room.

Screen window Siamese.

I think her name must be Ghost.

And here are my kitties, doing what they do every single morning without fail. They're looking at the sparrows and pigeons who dare to roost on the cement wall. Obliviously, I don't have the cleanest kitchen.

Brain Turning to Mush

My mother has strenuously warned me against watching The Bachelorette ever again, because she thinks it's making me stupid. I can't in good conscious disagree. However, here we are once more. I'm delaying turning on the TV, because I don't know if I can actually write about the show for an entire two hours without permanent brain damage.

Okay, here we go. First, we see Kiptyn, looking as though he's channeling a young Indiana Jones in a leather jacket (in Hawaii?) and a perma five o'clock shadow, though his ears remind me of the movie Dumbo. Julienne Carrot has decided to take the overnight dream date because she is falling in love with the real Indiana Jones.

And now Reid enters in white sneakers; the one she's trying to pressure into asking her to marry her after three dates. She won't stop asking him if he likes her, if he wants to "go" with her. It's irritating. He's clearly going to be the one to "break her heart." What they've done: ridden in a helicopter flown by an ordained minister who can marry them, had a picnic on a ridge where Jolene asks him if he could see himself marrying her, and then walked on some rocks where Joolian wonders aloud how he would feel is she were to threaten to throw herself down into the rushing water if he doesn't agree to marry her.

(One thing that's great about the fact that this show has five minutes of commercials at every break is that it allows me to make dinner, wash the dishes, and dye my hair in the meantime without missing a moment of fake reality).

Now they're at their dinner and Julie is again asking Reid if he would like to propose to her in a few minutes or at the end of the show. He back pedals and front pedals and looks over her shoulder to see if maybe there's a motorcycle that can take him away from her in a jiffy. Word on the street is that Reid is gay in real life. I have good sources, because he is from Philly and I live in Philly and so I know peeps.

She asks him if he would mind going to the fantasy suite and talk about getting married. He is pretending to think that he could be falling in love with her. He says that he has serious feelings for her and he likes her and he could be in love with her and he could try to say he loves her or her brother if she has one who looks exactly like her except has a penis (sorry, mother). Now they are in a gigantic bubble bath with bubbles that look as though they could envelope and kill them. They are kissing and blowing bubbles out of each other's noses in the most beautiful and soapy fantasy suite episode ever.

And now here comes Ed, the guy she should like, but who she will likely reject because he's too nice and wearing a wife beater. At least he's not also wearing a necklace and his chest hair seems to be under control. They are on a sailboat called Trilogy (is this the show being ironic because she must choose from three guys? Quite unlikely). The producers must tell her what questions to ask, because she has the same script for each one individually, based on their respective Achilles heels. For Ed: "Did you miss me? Do you think it's bad that I haven't met your family? Do you wish we had had time with your mom and dad? Do you think I'm pretty? Would you like to get married to me? Do you like my accent? It takes balls for you to admit that."

Underwater shot of them having sex. He may drown. Oh, conveniently, they can swim to some rocks and have a few kisses and then jump into the water again. I'm glad Jolin hasn't had a boob job. Ed pictures himself with Joly forever and ever. This is why she will send him home at the end of the show. Here comes the surprise that's not a surprise because we saw in the previews: he's going to let her meet his parents. He's supposedly flown them in to meet her when really we know that the show came up with it.

Ed's parents are fine, not unusual or particularly interesting. Dad has a moustache and a big round face and small round glasses. He's cute, but if Ed turns out like him, that would be bad. Jolly gets a few minutes with mom, who definitely sounds like she's from the Midwest. Jillian can't stop calling the mom by her first name. You know, Judy, I was so happy to meet your son and he's a nice tall glass of water. Dad is very concerned that Ed has come back on this show. He drinks beer. He said, What the hell is going on here, son? Dad's moustache is white in the middle and black on the other two sides. I've never seen anything like it in my life. Ed likens asking someone to marry him as "having to pull the trigger." Don't pick Ed. I feel like Ed probably wears glasses in real life. He looks as though his eyes are hurting him. Here comes dad to talk to Jaly. Dad is pretending to grill Jol he says that "he's never seen Ed put his feelings on his shirt sleeve like this." He's almost crying. His glasses have turned into sunglasses, but we can still see the glimmer of tears. Ed is wearing short shorts and I think he too may be gay. Will they spend the night in the fantasy suite. Of course they will. He is one of those guys who puts his hand on her face when kissing. Points for Ed. However, I bet the directors told him to do that too.

Coming up: Ed is unable to get an erection. Really? Are they really going to go there? WHY?

Here's what Ed says about Joilien, "She is smoking hot. She is great. She is so hot! What does she see in me?" Why are we getting a sneak peek of Ed rubbing hot oil lotion on Jouly? We never get an inside look like that on the show. Is it because he won't be able to get it up? More importantly, aren't they ruining the bed sheets? Lights out. Lights back on. She says that she feels like that love was there, but that the passion wasn't, because he couldn't get it up. Stupid. He says that he was really nervous and he feels like that effected him down there. He goes to sit on the porch and attempt to think about girls in Catholic school uniforms to give see if he can bring anything to life. Nope. Guess what Ed? You're going home to years of endless ridicule for friends, family, and strangers. Hope your 14 minutes (12 minutes of which were commercials) of fame was worth it.

I won't even bother with the recap of the dates that Jellyin had. We saw-l it already. She'll definitely keep Reid, who can't stop saying "definitely." He definitely might like her or not. She "lerves" him (see: Annie Hall). Ed is a goner. First of all, because he calls her "Jill." Secondly, because he can't stop using cliches (you have made me a better man, I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level, a rolling stone gathers no moss, I would love an opportunity to try to get it up one more time, please, I love you). Thirdly, because the shirt he's wearing still has the Gap sale tag on it. He's going home.

This is the hardest decision she's ever had to make since the last five times that it was the hardest decision that she's ever had to make since the previous five times before that. At the rose ceremony, Jillian asks Ed if they can talk for a second. What is she going to do? Show him pictures of naked girls, guys, animals, to see what effect it might have on him. She says that she knows that there's been a lot of pressure on this whole situation but she does have concerns, He has most of the qualities with a person except for the sexual attraction. Is that a problem? She wonders if it was the sunburn that got in the way. She wants to ask him about that. He unfortunately says that he's having a hard time adjusting. He asks her to trust him and that he does not have erection problems. He tells her that she can feel his crotch if she likes. She may still kick him off. Kiptyn still has the five o'clock shadow. He's cute and worried; looks a lot like a springer spaniel.

First rose: Will go to Reid. I know. Hurry UP. This takes forever. Why is Ed wearing a lavender jacket two sizes too big for him? Is his job in the Mafia? Is that why he's under so much pressure. No kidding! She picked Kiptyn first. Hard to believe. I will be shocked if she kicks Reid off. But she would be such a jerk for getting rid of Ed after he promised to take Viagra. He swears that he will.

Second rose: ?????? Will be Reid. Pausseeee. Pause. Pause. Pause. OMG, she's getting rid of Reid. I am so proud of her. She knows that he's not ready for her.

Tragically going home: Reid who couldn't agree to marry her after 3 dates. What will he say. She's crying, of course. He says, I hope you made the right move. I don't know if you're completely sure, but...She says, She doesn't know how sure she's supposed to be. She says that she likes how goofy and fun and funny he is and the connection, but she guess she worries that we're at different places in our life, and he doesn't seem like he's willing to take that chance with her. Can he face up to it. He says he should've open up sooner. He said he didn't give her all the signs she needed to have, but it's shame because he should have. He didn't because he didn't feel it. Just fess up to that, dude. That is the noble thing to do. If he could find the words right now, she would probably change her mind. He can't. He doesn't have the courage. What will he say on the limo ride. They hug for the 50th time. She's going to regret it, but he probably won't, since he didn't really seem to care all that much.

In the limo: he says nothing. He's in shock and Will not play the producers game anymore. She's crying more. Her mascara is hardly running. It's a really good mascara and likely advertised on this show. He says, I wish I could've opened up to her the way he should've. It's definitely a tough and surprising moment. Maybe I screwed myself, he says. I definitely could've seen myself with her and I can definitely say that I was possibly definitely almost falling in love with her. He says he really thinks the whole thing was his fault, even though he was actually being perfectly reasonable about the whole thing. He doesn't see her with the other two guys. God, this limo ride won't end. He says it would've been a lot easier if he had told her that he loved her. He thinks that he fucked up and if he could reverse things, he would.

Next week: Possibly the season finale, or possibly not. Oh, right, no, it's the reunion show we won't want to miss, The Men Tell All. Joluwn shares her thoughts. Jason and Molly are back to show how much they are still dating. Wild weekend in Vegas with the bachelors and bachelorettes from season past.

Why does she have to decide on one of them? If I were her, I'd be like, Hey, let's just keep dating, all of us.

Please Get Rid of Westin Hotel

Last writing class tonight for awhile and the people in the class gave me a copy of John Cheever’s writings wrapped in an adorable piece of sheet music and a card. I know it was Halimah who did it. Isn’t that sweet? I said, Thank you, but I can’t go out for drinks with you like I promised because I have to get home at take off this bra and blog about The Bachelorette. I hope you all appreciate it. They were great, honestly.

Missed the first 25 minutes and had to do things like feed the kitties and feed the stray cats and put on my pjs and drink some water and put things away, etc. So, I’ll just recap quickly: Jillian has a date with Reid who sometimes needs glasses and sometimes doesn’t. They laugh and laugh because they don’t know how to speak any Spanish! Like, really? Neither one of you bothered to look up just a little Spanish so you can say “I’m fine” (Read instead said, “Yo soy grande” which translates to “I am big.” Maybe he was trying to hint that he’s well-endowed? Tricky!).

Jillian tells the camera that she wants Reid to say more than that he likes her a lot. Reid says to the camera, I like her a lot. I might like her a lot later, if we have a lot of laters or not, I don’t know. I guess we like each other and have a great time. Jillian says, I laugh so hard with Reid that I almost pee myself! She’s quite the little lady.

They have the clichéd dinner at a tiny table and are offered the overnight card in the fantasy (Disney?) suite. Jillian says it’s up to Reid and Reid is being an idiot. What she really wants is for him to say that he wants to stay overnight with her, but he’s not doing it. He didn’t take the bait. She keeps asking for more from him, and keeps going, Gee, that sucks that you’re making out with other guys. But hey, yeah, I like you, but I don’t know if you know how I’m feeling which is completely ambivalent because I’ve never had a serious relationship before in my entire life and I’m from Philly, you know, and a real estate agent, which I like, but I mean, which I like a lot, as a job, but I don’t know if I love it, you know? But I like it bunches.

Jillian gets to meet Ed who has to make up for lost time, and he’s not doing a very good job by showing up wearing motorcycle sunglasses. These dudes are all idiots. The sunglasses have mysteriously disappeared. Maybe the producers forced him to take them off. Ed also needs to learn how to be more articulate. Jillian says, I don’t know I would have had the balls to do what you did by leaving. (Again, quite the little lady). They’re in a horse drawn carriage and Ed’s hair is sticking up in the back. She makes out with everyone. That’s fine, I guess. She feels like she’s in a dream right now, a happy place, she says. He’s so huge next to her. I wonder if he’ll cry on this date as she has on the other dates she’s had. She asks Ed about her family and Ed says that everyone in his family is really cool. They are intertwining their fingers intensely. Ed says that if they had gone to meet him family, he would’ve taken her to kerioke. Fantastic! She has to stand on a box to kiss him. They have good chemistry, she says. She just loves being close to him and talking to him. The producers have forced them to go into a fountain and get really wet. I wonder if it’s strange for a guy to know that he may be being filmed getting a hard on?

Another advertisement for Vagisil. The Bachelorette, sponsored by something for your woo-woo. I guess they know their target audience well.

Now they are at another romantic dinner. Ed looks tired again and can’t stop drinking wine. He asks Jillian if she would relocate. She says that maybe they wouldnt have been so close to one another if they hadn’t been apart. Everything Ed says goes up at the end? Like it’s a question? I could see us together for a long, long time? Ed says that he would have also taken her to a Cubs game and purchased a hot dog for her. He says his mom wants a grandkid? Can Jillian reproduce? Ed adores kids, he definitely, absolutely could have kids within the next twenty years. I wish she would call one of the guys by the wrong name. I hope Ed’s not the guy would can’t get it up. Ed says he would love to spend the night with her. Jillian again refuses. What the hell. She is also super something about herself (couldn’t hear because I was chewing cereal). Jillian says she’s not ready for it. Ed is genuinely disappointed. He thought that maybe they should reproduce. She keeps bringing up that she’s upset that he left. Ed makes the case that he needs to spend more time with her. Go, Ed!!!! Change your mind, Jillian! She won’t. Ed is a little intense. I see him at work in khaki Dockers hunched over a computer. They are at least checking you the fantasy suite. It’s filled with strawberries and gigantic pillows—the bed could not be gigantic-er. Ed says that he really likes her. She asks him what he’s really worried about. He says, Getting a hard on in front of the cameras. Jillian is totally a tease. Oh, wow, okay, fine, she says that they can stay together if they sleep in their clothes. Whatever! Wish we could see what happens when the cameras leave. Why doesn’t someone say, I really have to go to the bathroom.

Date with douchebag, Wes. They go on a bike ride and Wes asks Jillian to observe how cute he is on a bike. He needs to shave that perpetual, Northern Exposure five o’clock shadow. And not pick his teeth when he’s talking about baring his soul to someone. He literally just stuck his finger in his mouth and pulled out a salsa chip. Jillian observes that when Wes is talking to her, his body language is saying that he has no real interest in her, like doesn’t want to touch her. Also, it’s nearly impossible to understand what he’s saying, “I just don’t know what I want with this big game and you know, you’re a filly and I’m a stallion and you know, I want to brand you.” Jillian asks Wes if he could ever see himself moving to Vancouver and he says that would be crazy. He changes the subject to say that there’s a bird missing a foot. Then he spills his beer. This is awkward. I like his Country Western shirt though. He thinks he’s cuter than he is. He will be kicked off the show.

Date night. We already know what’s going to happen because we’ve seen the previews a million times. Here he comes in another Western shirt. Okay, that’s overkill. He looks like he’s about to be taken off to a square dance. All Jillian can think to say is that she thinks Barcelona was a blast. Wes agrees and he says that he would also like to clear the table. Wes sniffs while she talks. He says, “I haven’t told any of those guys that I have a girlfriend.” She brings up that he will have a career to benefit from being on this show. He says that his manager was the one who suggested that he be on The Bachelorette. Hmm…I thought that last week, his entire fake family said that they nominated him. Liars, all of them, even the mom and stepmom. He explains that he isn’t there just to sell his great records, and that if he wanted to sell his wonderful records and his song, he would’ve left already, because he’s already done that by now. He says that he didn’t kiss her during the day because he was afraid that she would turn her head. Stupid. She’s crying again. She’s asking him how he feels. He says that he’s not here to hurt her, but numero uno is the most important. WHY would he say that? He admits that he spent six years with this person, Laurel. She broke up with him because of their differences (translation: because he told her that he was going to be on The Bachelorette). He says, Well, my girlfriend…Whoops! He doesn’t even try to defend himself. He picks up the date night card. Please tell me that he won’t get any publicity from this. Wes says that he thinks they should spend the night in the fantasy suite. Jillian says, No thanks. Jillian is embarrassed that she didn’t see that he has something to hide. She says that more than anything she feels sorry for him. I hope that when she sends him home, he breaks into song one last time.

Hey, guess what? I don’t care to see Wipe-out, Couples Edition. Or Dating in the Dark. Or Here Come the Newlyweds. Ever. Ernesto has just discovered catnip and passed out on the floor in bliss. As an aside, I found a copy of this vampire series but that one Stephanie woman. I started reading it last night and wondered if there was ever an editor involved, because it doesn’t seem like it.

Why are we even having this Final Rose Ceremony? I wish I would’ve seen what her date was like with Kiptyn. I like Reid the best, but he’s not ready. Ed would be the solid choice even with his evident insomnia.

First rose: Ed. Ed is wearing a green tie. He’s quite tall. She may like Ed best or she may think that he’s too nice. Get on with it! For God’s sake.

Second rose: Reid. He is adorable. Wes says, Congratulations, bro, to Kiptyn. Because he knows it’s not him.

Third rose: Kiptyn. Yes, finally. Wes is wearing another in an endless series of cowboy shirts.

Going home: Wes. I am typing this even before the rose ceremony has begun. When she tells him to go, he will say, Best of luck, darling Wes says that if he gets kicked off, he will be back at home having lots of sex. All of the other guys stare at the ground. What a fucker. He thinks that his show will not only get him a record deal but also tons of poon-tang. He might be right.

Now I’m back to real time to see if Wes calls her darling. She asks him if she can walk him out. He rejects her kind of by saying goodbye to the guys as well as “Enjoy, enjoy!” Bastard. They are still holding hands. She now knows that she made the right decision. He can’t even look her in the eye. He says, You take care sweetie. (Darn, not darlin’). The bad boy is definitely gone. He blows her a kiss. She shot me down. First guy ever on The Bachleorette to make it to the gop four with a girlfriend. He admits it. He says, My acting days are over. This is just another bump. Going back home because he wants to see his dog and his band. And tonight, he is in Spain and he’s going to go out tonight and get laid in Spain and everybody’s going to know my name (he sings, finally). Maybe he’ll get run over by a bull.

Next week previews: (can you believe I typed this much from only watching one hour? Imagine what it would be like if I saw the whole two hours). They are going to Hawaii. She jumps in the water with someone. She goes on some rocks with someone. She stands on a mountain with someone. A bridge. A leap of faith. A meadow. A sailboat. Many strawberries are being eaten. Stop talking about missing the hometown date with Ed. She will get her heart broken somehow. I wonder if the producers hated Wes as much as we all do?

The Bachlorette, Or Jillian is a Total Fool

How is it that everyone in the world except for Jillian knows that Wes the Cowboy Junction has a girlfriend? And why is everyone crying on this show? He is a liar and a cheat and will never have a number one CD. Could someone please bust him somehow in a real way? Like, can’t Jillian make a phone call? Can’t the producers do some sleuthing? It’s their job, isn’t it, to pick single guys as opposed to men who are otherwise engaged? Also, why are there more commercials in this show than the actual show? Fifteen so far in this ten minute break. I’ve been offered insurance, Nativa (?), previews for Who Wants to Be a Tax Break? Among many others.

Just as an aside, watched Agatha Christie’s Poirot on PBS last night and now crave a waxed moustache. I was glad to learn that it wasn’t easy to determine the murderer. There were many twists and turns (and not just of the French detective’s stache).

I have missed the first hour or so because of my writing class, so I’m not sure what transpired, and of course, missed last week because of Boston. Here’s what I gather so far: Wes is a slimeball and Jillian does not seem to have the wherewithal to accept it or anything, for that matter, without having tears spill out of her wide, limpid eyes. I guess Jake (who came back to tell J the truth) was kicked off previously, perhaps because of his penchant for oxford shirts buttoned up to the very top of his neck and tucked into his jeans.

J: “Honestly, I don’t know what to believe right now. Do I trust the straight-laced Jake or the Texan bad boy?” Did she even hear the question she just asked? Omigod, if she lets him kiss her, I will scream. She is cute, why are these guys being so weird? Jillian, crying, says that she really wants to still meet his family, even though he’s a liar and can’t stop saying how much he doesn’t have a girlfriend except for this one girl Laurel from two weeks ago. She’s buying it. She’s totally buying it. She is a sucker. He is not that hot.

J: “I don’t know if I’m in la-la land right now or if I just can’t see what’s really going on.” Answer: La La Land. Wouldn’t the family wonder what was going on and wouldn’t the family tell him if he had a girlfriend? They are all lying to her too. “Guys are always going to be jealous of you because of all that you have going for him and stuff,” says lying sister. Is Jillian holding the hands of the mom? Mom is now lying, or maybe it’s stepmom. She is so relieved that the whole family is lying to her and she doesn’t even notice that he’s handing them fifty dollar bills under the table with the spurs on his fake Texan cowboy boots. Jillian makes a toast and we all stare mesmerized by his silver necklace.

Wes: “Jillian likes me and that’s what really matters. I will get my singin’ contract after all, bitches.”

Fifty more commercials.

Fake surprise as Ed shows up and asks for another shot. Jillian crying again. It looks like he has at least gotten some rest, no more circles under his eyes. Nice argyle sweater dude. Jillian doesn’t know what to do. She has all these concerns that are going through her head and she does want him to go to the rose ceremony. He touches her hair in that way that all men should do if they want a woman to give them a rose. They kiss on the mouth. Can’t she just let him back onto the show? Oh, no, she can only bring four guys home and now she has to let go of 2 instead of 1 (since 6 are left now). I didn’t realize that math would be involved in this show.

50 more ads. I mean, how much can it cost to produce this show if they have to offer 25 minutes of commercials? I just ate an entire bowl of Corn Pops and the show still isn’t on. Offered: iced team, trip to the aquarium, trip to a restaurant, ad for a stupid reality show, ad for detergent, ad for skin crème sponsored by an ageless Brooke Shields, ad for Vagasil. Makes me feel itchy even thinking about it.

Jillian arrives wearing a floor length strapless ball gown, looking exactly like Belle in the movie, Beauty and the Beast. Chris Harrison asks Jillian (or J as Wes calls her) how she felt about seeing Ed and she says she almost puked all over herself. Chris emphasizes that she won’t get to meet Ed’s family, to see if they get any more sleep than he does. Chris knows how tough this decision is going to be. She feels like she fit into every single family. Chris brings up the date with Wes and then we have to relive the entire thing for four excruciating minutes. We saw this already. Why do we have to get the recap? There must have been like zero going on during the actual dates. Jillian must look at all of the pictures and decide which two to send home. She’s totally struggling with what her decision is going to be and if she should take vocal lessons to get rid of her accent.

Ad for mascara including collagen for breathtaking volume (like, how fat do you want your eyelashes to be?), fast food restaurant with disgusting close ups of the food, cell phone service sold by another movie star, car, Johnny Depp movie making a killing machine character look like a sex symbol, something to do with dogs and square dancing, laundry, cheap chain store, another TV preview, and another reality TV preview including a preview. Omigod, it’s 5 minutes of ads, I’m not even kidding. I looked at the clock. 5 minutes. JHC. Oh, wait, one more. Ad for weather.

Rose ceremony. Who will go home with a softened penis? Which of the 500 products advertised during this show can remedy this problem? Hint: It’s not Vagasil.

They reveal that Ed is back in the running. Ed suddenly looks like he has a fat head. Maybe he’s been using the lash fattening mascara? Wes would like ta kick the g-damn sheet outta Ed. They have Jillian enter to harp music. Shot of the men looking at her as if she is a goddess, except for Wes who gives her a shit-eating side grin. KICK HIM OFF! She won’t. The show won’t let her. He Wes, try shaving.

First rose goes to: Reed and his fake glasses. He’s my man.

Second rose: Kiptyn. His forehead could not be shinier at this moment.

Third rose: Pick Ed, but she won’t until it is the last rose. One guy is psyching himself out. Oh, wow, she picked Ed. Please, please, please, please send Wes home.

Fourth rose: blond guy would like to cry. He looks like a swimmer. FUCK. She picked Wes. She is sending home the other two guys. Don’t know who they are. I HATE Wes.

Going home: Blond swimmer guy and some other guy who has stubble. Too bad about short swimmer dude. And about tall guy in a vest who gives her a long hug but says he feels like shit right now, this sucks. He was very surprised to see Ed and he believes Wes is there for the wrong reasons. Aw, crap, they make him take a taxi home instead of a limo. Blond guy Michael says that for a girl who just dumped him and just broke his heart, he could not say a bad thing about her. There are just a 100,000 small things that he just loved about this girl. He says, Oh, man, I straight up loved that girl, didn’t I? He is so so so so so so so cute. If he could tell her three things, first, e would tell her she’s beautiful and will always be beautiful. Second thing, I am going to miss you. And the third thing is, Be happy. God, I hope he is the next Bachelor.

Previews: One woman, four handsome men. She has to pick the blond guy with the glasses, Reed. He is the cutest. And Ed needs to make up for lost time. Jillian says that she’s not sure she would have the balls enough to do what he did. Classy, Jillian.

Icelandic windows

Padhraig and Carrie have been away on an Icelandic adventure and P. sent me the following photos to illustrate that the people in Reykjavik put weird things in their windows just like S. Philly peeps. The really strange thing about the following pictures containing animals is that I'm not sure if any of them are real or if they are stuffed. Like, one appears to be a two-headed goat. Real or fake? You be the judge.

Day Off

Has something happened to Michael Jackson?

Got back from the Ivy + conference last night, sponsored by MIT and held in either Cambridge or Boston; am still not clear where we were. We stayed in the Hyatt; v. expensive and the only real perk was being able to watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey on Bravo after the days events. I presented on a panel of three on Thursday and had the distinct sensation that I was stuck in the middle of that nightmare where you realize you're late for a calculus exam after not attending class for the entire term. Lesson: study your PowerPoint slides before presenting to a room of Ivy league colleagues.

Realized from this trip that I haven't been on an airplane in a few years. I was appalled that passengers are still required to take off their shoes, standing vulnerable and (in my case) barefoot. Is this necessary? I rebelled by not taking my make up bag out of my carry on. On Monday, we were delayed for six hours due to some unknown reason. Surprisingly, everyone seemed to accept this inconvenience without too much fuss. On the return trip, we only suffered an hour long delay. I found myself irrationally enraged by the woman in the seat behind me who got on her cell phone the second we were allowed to turn on our electronic devices. I wasn't irritated so much by her jumping on the phone, but more because she was so loud and I was forced to listen to her uninteresting, one-sided dialogue for ten minutes. I did not retaliate.

So, I took the day off to catch up on my household chores (laundry, grocery shopping, etc.). As you can imagine, the cats are thrilled.

Falling Down on the Job, Brought to You by Comcast

Who knows what's going on. I missed the last two episodes and the first hour and fifteen minutes of The Bachelorette. Jillian is grilling some blond guy on his ex-girlfriend, if she is his ex. He's sweating because he's lying on national television and the non-ex girlfriend will likely be calling the program very soon (meanwhile, i just watched Emma Carol kill and eat a fly. Good girl). Jillian is confessing that she grew up alone and always wanted fifteen kids and now she only wants 14 kids or so. What state are they in? Alaska? Why are they dressed in parkas in front of a fake outdoor fire? Oh, okay, it's British Columbia. Is that near Alaska?

Jillian is telling the guy that she would totally run away and live wherever the guy she likes lives and open up whatever bar he might want to open and give him babies and also be on a radio program, if that's what the man wants. Meanwhile, she's being described as independent. Unfortunately, I don't know who any of these guys are. Ed looks like a younger, more frazzled version of Robert Downey, Jr. circa that one film where he o.d.s in the back of a car. Poor Ed. He needs to get about 48 hours of sleep. Jillian strips and gets into the hot tub with more steam than you'll see in any place. The camera is fogging over from the steam. She appears to be giving him a hand job under water. Too cloudy to tell. Maybe he should try sitting up since his head is nearly half-submerged in the water. He can barely talk because water keeps getting into his mouth. I wish she would quit wiping boogers out of her nose. She's giving him the rose even though they haven't kissed. She would love for him to accept this rose. Just kiss already. A short peck on the mouth, into a larger kiss. Jessie or whatever his name is says that he's "gleaming" right now. Don't know what that means.

Ed now must tell Jillian that he has to leave, maybe because he has a girlfriend too. We know from the previews that it ends in tears. Who cares if Ed goes home? He doesn't have any clue how to wear a button up shirt under a sweater. She acts the same with every guy, like she totally loves him. Ed tells her that he has to leave because he has to go back to work. Huh? Did he not tell his work that he was going to be on a television show? Has he been calling in sick? Why would he take the rose then? She's crying and saying that it sucks but she's glad he's leaving and letting her down as opposed to the 6 or 7 people at work who have to take up the slack for him. She gives him an awkward hug and then blows her nose on his shirt. Ed says that he wants to keep the rose just because he...uh...he has to give it to his wife. Jillian asks him to promise her that when he does find someone he's crazy about that he shouldn't let work get in the way. By the by, they are sitting on the most gigantest sectional sofa I have ever seen. It has about twenty five sections on it. A caravan of people could relax on it.

She feels rejected because she's not sure if he's leaving for real because of work or because he's not into her. Get it together, Jillian. You've known this guy for three weeks and only in group settings. She worries that his leaving will cause a chain reaction where all the other guys will leave too. Ed claims that he absolutely could see himself falling in love with her and marrying her, but he has to check himself into rehab for his crack addiction which could inevitably lead him to od in the back of a convertible driven by Andrew McCarthy.

Hey, guess what reality show I can comfortably die without seeing? I Survived a Japanese Game Show.

They have made Jillian up into someone who looks like a drag queen--way too much make-up. Jillian really just can't stop crying about Ed. Still don't know why. She was just really attracted to him and his hang-dog, I-haven't-slept-since-I-called-in-sick-to-work-3-weeks-ago look about him. Chris is asked Jillian how she feels and why she's so upset and if she still thinks that some of the guys have girlfriends. She says she wishes Tanner would've focused on the relationship and not on gossip. She says that she thinks Jake is perfect, but she's not perfect. Mark doesn't like her enough. Robbie, she says, she feels like she knows him really well. And Wes, the hick country singer, is somebody who has been really open and she feels like she knows him so well and he makes her happy, except when he's crooning. She's not sure about Kiptyn (?) and Tyler too. Only one person will be going home. Wow, that sucks for the one guy. Jillian knows what she wants to do and doesn't want to worry about the stupid cocktail party.

God, this is long and I've only been watching it for a little more than half an hour. Okay, here are two other shows i never need to watch, Here Come the Newlyweds and Marry Me. True confession: I just ate a quarter of my body weight in Acme sharp cheddar cheese.

And now, the rose ceremony, where one single loser will be asked to go home. Jillian is telling them that she had such an incredible week with youse guys. This whole week has been such a great incredible and remarkable experience and so let's just get started.

First rose: Jesus, hurry up. Reeve. Frat boy. I guess he's cute and at least he's not wearing five tons of hair mousse.
Second rose: Kiptyn. Dumbest name ever. I guess I like him anyway. He kisses her loudly on the cheek.
Third rose: One guy smiles weakly. Robbie will absolutely accept this rose.
Fourth rose: Jake. The guy who smiled weakly. He'll go home next week.
Fifth rose: Don't high five, please. Don't give each other "knucks." Have some dignity. Tanner of the scary psycho eyes will accept this rose. Wes is really sweating it. He feels a song coming on.
Final rose: It'll be Wes. Not this other dude who we've never seen before. Yes, it's Wes and Tanner wants to beat the shit out of him. He is kind of sexy. He tells her that he's sorry about Ed. He's a playah.
Going home: Mark. Sorry about that, Mark. We didn't even really know you were on the show, to be honest. Absolutely. He tells her to visit any time she's in Denver. This whole situation has made him feel very stronger about his barrier situation. He's been cheated on 4 times. She absolutely has the kind of personality he truly loves, but he can't get past his own barriers. Yes, he did say barriers and situation twice in fourteen seconds. She is just happy that they're around.

Next week: A romantic journey across the rockies on a train. Tanner gets drunk and shows his underwear. Wes says he hopes this whole thing will give him publicity. Wow, that is horrible. One guy can't get it up on national television. Humiliating!! Are they really going to go there? It appears so.