The Bachelorette, Starring Jonathan and Craig M.

The Weatherman and Craig are in a fight, but Craig should really watch out because WMan knows tai kwan chi do. The Weatherman reminds me so so so so much of Tom Cruise. He interrupted the guy with the diamond stud in his ear who also appears to be wearing a tarantula around his neck. Tom Cruise is wearing a white faux leather jacket from the 80s and is worried that he will have to break the face of Craig totally off. Ali can't stop giggling. Weatherman has got a short guy complex. I think most of the guys are totally drunk. Craig asks the Weatherman if he let other people talk  and if he was allowed to sit in a booster chair to talk to her. That is kind of mean. But he is also kind of short. The other guys are wondering what date they are going to get. Chris L.'s hair is sky-rocketing to the ceiling. Where the hell are they? China? Chinatown? The rippled guy is keeping his eye on the prize. So is his teeny tiny soul patch. Some of the guys  have giant heads. Here's the guy with the speech/hearing impairment. Ali is putting her ass in Justin's lap and intertwining her fingers with him. I do not respect Ali. Justin is here for a reason: The Prize. The prize and the best facial hair rose.

Ali will give the rose tonight to a guy who "let me know that he is there for the real reason" (the prize). Hey, by the way, Justin is also an entertainment wrestler. Ty with the tarantula necklace really is falling for Ali and has decided not to poison her to death. The Weatherman cannot stop talking about Craig M.

Missed a bunch of time with the show because we're trying to install an antique hanging lamp in the dining room (when I say "we," I mean that Dan is doing it and I am occasionally holding it up for him. I just turned on the air conditioner for the first time ever and it is totally lovely.

Ali is talking to someone from Boston and she is glad that they have at least one thing in common. He tells her that he's the oldest in his family and that he talks to both his parents every day. He says, "They are who I am." Which makes no sense. She would love to hang out with him for real. She is sort of adorable and also kind of fake and wearing three huge pearls on her finger. She's rocking the 60s look.

And now she's trying to get to know Roberto, who she liked enough to give him the first first impression rose. He is adorable. He has both a cleft chin and a dimple. She giggles and tells him that he is very handsome. She pretends to be blushing. She wants to know everything she can about him. He travels the world and he plays in baseball and she just think he's amazing. They are going to play catch. What? Wow. She is not afraid to take her shoes off. I hope he knocks one of her teeth out. Just for the drama of it. She manages to catch the ball. He's now an insurance agent though. I would not ever be able to do this, especially after a glass of wine.

He comes the deaf guy. He gets four seconds with her before Frank (sans glasses) shows up. Everyone is sending daggers at him. Craig R. from Philly, you are not going to be here for long. Frank can tell her exactly how he's been. He's been feeling like she's his girlfriend after just one date. He kisses her with his hand possessively on the back of the head. In front of everyone.

Oh, Steve is cute. He's wearing a vest. She snuggles with him.

John C. will also be going home, as will Hunter and his ears. 

I hope the Weatherman and Craig fall in love. Also, could Craig admit that he's older than 34? He looks like he's about 44.

Ali doesn't like the Weatherman either. There has to be something else going on in the show besides Craig and the Weatherman fighting, right? Not really. How often has Jonathan called Craig M. a jerkoff? LOTS. 



Hunter with the ears

Roberto, of course!

Chris L. The one she didn't really get a chance to talk to but who is from Massachusetts.

Justin. I think he is the one who has the many girlfriends. He says, "Aw, sweet!" He got one of the prizes.

Steve. I like him. I like him and his vest. He's a little bit of a dork. I like that in a guy.

Kirk. Another blond. A blond with swirly hair as if done up by a hand-held blender.

John C. He looks like he's from the British Isles.

Craig R as in Are you serious?

Chris M. Still evolving.

Final rose! Either the Weatherman or Craig M. are going home or both. I hope it is both!!! And then they can fall in love.

Goes to...Not the guy with the blemish on his forehead. The Weatherman. HA! Craig will go home. He cannot believe it. He plans on decking Ali.

Ali wears her sad, pouty face. Going home: The guy with the blemish. He seems nice. He says he can't believe he was so nervous. Dude, you were on TV. Craig M. says that it's absolutely tough going home. She missed a huge opportunity and he can't believe it. Can't be serious about someone shorter than you, he says. Gross. The guy with the part went home, I think?

Okay, on the next episode: the Bare Naked Ladies show up to create a music video. Justin hitchhikes on a broken leg to her house. Drama ensues.