Sunday, February 16, 2014

How Many More Gentile Rapes and Near Abortions and Murders Must We Endure?

Only two episodes worth, according to my mother. But it feels as though we have just begun! That's what happens when you wait for an entire year for a show that only goes for eight total episodes. I guess that's how the Brits do things.

Dan has predicted that Mr. Bates will be killed or become a paraplegic and be left out in the garden in the rain. I predict that he will come up with a foolproof way to kill the rapist, but that Anna will leave him because of it. My prediction that Tom and Lady Mary will end up together seems to have come to naught, as she was flirting recklessly and throwing pig feces at that other guy last week.

We begin with the pigs and Mr. Drew, not to be confused with the rapist, Mr. Green, which I have. Tom is there with Mary and Lady Edith is checking to see how the piglets nurse to get ready for her upcoming baby.

Mrs. Crawley visits the Dowager who is especially bitchy because she's been ill and hasn't been out of house in ages. Mr. Mosley hits on the new lady's maid who is using a new fangled Singer sewing machine. She offers to mend his britches. "There a bit tight down there," she says gesturing to his fly. (I make stuff up sometimes to amuse myself). Ivy gets a letter that will hopefully be an audition to go to another show. Tom finds himself in the drawing room again and Lady Crawley suggest that he run for student council president.  Lady Mary wears a mauve sailor's dress that does nothing for her swanlike neck. In comes the baby for his one visit an hour. That guy holds him--don't know his name, but he's not much good with the baby. Is it Lord Gilliam? He's the one with the rapist valet. Will Anna confess to Lady Mary???? Oh, please! She tells, "It's his man, my lady. His servant." She need not say more; Lady Mary is floored. Anna goes on about how Bates will kill him and then be hanged.

Ivy has had  proposal by letter from Alfred and no one wants to tell Daisy. Did people really ever do that? Propose by mail. Edith has a surreptitious call with Lady Rosalind, who is the only one privy to her pregnancy.

Tom spies Rose in the tea shop with the black musician. What a coincidence. What she doesn't realize is that she is endangering his life by being seen with him. Fast forward to him getting beat up or something.

Tom introduces Lady Crawley to his love interest, the very political and ordinary looking Miss Turnip. She shows a bit too much of her cankles for my taste. This could be because I'm still rooting for Tom and Lady Mary. Tom goes to LM to gossip about Rose and the black man. Lady Mary has quite a few too many secrets to keep right now.

Edith wants to give her baby to a farmer so she can visit in on occasion; perhaps the pig farmer can keep it, she thinks. Rosalind recommends that Edith give the baby away to a Swiss couple with all their nice IKEA furniture. Lady Grantham has zero qualms about this and gives her consent.

Two suitors at the table vying for Lad Mary's approval. I am confused as to why Mr. Green the rapist is at dinner, forcing Anna to try to butter her toast in a normal way without bursting into tears. I wonder if he will try to get at her again? Dan suggests that they go ahead and set it up--like make it so that they can kill him in self-defense. Mr. Green in the library with the candlestick, or some such.

The show dies whenever Lady Grantham is stinking up the scene with her terrible, one note acting. Lady Mary confronts Rose who says she is in love with the black man and she can't wait until she tells her mother, to watch her face crumble. Cleary, this is a rebellious move.

Lady Mary tells Tony (the guy with the rapist valet) that she's not available and not on the market. She asks him how likes his valet, hinting that he might be a bad egg.

The dowager takes Edith and Rosalind to tea and interrogates them because nothing gets past her for long. This is an episode about confessions. Hub-bub about a bazaar; no idea what that is but like last week's pig man, it's caused quite a stir. They're hanging flags and making puddings like nobody's business.

Bates tells Mr. Carson that he wants to go to York while Anna is in London with Lady Mary--we suspect he's going to go and do some damage to the rapist.

Tom runs into the turnip lady on the road and is able to help her with her car. Huge coincidence number two. She checks out his ass when he bends. I did not make that up.

I have to get a snack now, so Dan will write for a while in the meantime.

This guy is trying to fix her car. The school teacher seems to be into him. He's a good mechanic. The car starts and she drives away. 

The old lady is sitting on a bench with the pregnant girl. They are trying to figure out what do with the baby that's not even born yet.

Cut to another old lady wearing a goofy hat. She's talking to a guy in a three piece suit. He envies her and her wonderful memories.

The black musician is singing and playing the piano Mary pays a visit. He had made tea. Mr. Ross is his name. Aimee is eating frosted flakes right now. They are wondering if Rose's life will be spoiled. He won't marry her to save her from the angst of marrying a black dude.

Now Lady Mary is reading a good book and talking to the rape victim, Anna. She's going to blow the whistle on Mr. Green.. She's invited Mr. Green over along with Lord Gillingham. Anna gets tense.

I am back. Thank you, Dan. Lady Mary takes tea with Tony and she tells him he must dismiss his valet, even as we know that Mr.Bates is on his way to see the guy and beat the shit out of him. He agrees to get rid of Mr. Green because he loves her.

Mr. Bates is back from York and continues to casually shine a shoe. "What were you up to? Anna asks. Oh, this and that, he says trying to get the blood out of his welly.

Dan notes that there are quite a lot of hats on this show. Mr. Carson has the deepest voice ever. Lord Grantham arrives back from the States, reminding us that he has been gone. "He shows up wearing a Phillies hat!" Dan says, and then nudges me to add that to the blog. Lord Grantham is reunited with Cora and they have a tepid kiss as the actor playing Lord Grantham tries his hardest not to despise the fact that he's acting next to an amateur.

Edith laments that she will never see the married guy again. The dowager seems to be taking her pregnancy in stride and even says that they should have an ice cream together. Perhaps she's hoping it will cause her to loss the baby.

Lord Gillingham is back to tell Lady Mary that Mr. Green is dead, having slipped in front of a bus and being hit. Anna knows that it must have been Mr. Bates. Charles advises Lady Mary to not tell anyone either even though he's not sure what the secret is.


Did you know this show was going to be an extra 25 minutes long? Maybe it spoils the experience a little for me to write about it while it's going on--it's a different kind of attention. Alfred and Daisy decide to be friends forever instead of anything more, but one suspects that he might come back for another go at her, as they say.

Another suitor, Charles, confesses to Lady Mary that he's in love with her. She's flattered, but she thinks it kinder to refuse him now and let him off the hook. He will not allow it without putting up a fight, he says. I am totally not into this whole thing about the men vying for her attention. It's boring. Lord Grantham wants to know what sort of ménage a trois has happened while he was away. If only!

And that's it. We are building to a conclusion, certainly--and I hope it's not Mr. Bares being taken off in shackles. I hope it's a kiss with Tom and Lady Mary.

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