The Secret Lives of Boys
Had a conversation tonight with my new bff, Iona (sp?) this cutest girl in the world with big brown eyes and pretty black hair pulled back into a kind of Jackie O meets Dita von Teese thing. We were trying to figure out how it is exactly that guys think about relationships. She's slightly interested in this awkward, shy guy who wears Converse sneakers and says cryptically relationship sounding things like, I'm old-fashioned. I like to take things slow. And yet, he does not seem to be even a little bit ready to kiss her. They've hung out about 25 times and talk on the phone for hours at a time, and he still just shows up and laughs at her jokes and then yawns and goes home without trying any funny business. What does this mean? On what plane is he operating? Was he born in the wrong decade and is he waiting to meet her parents over tea so that he can request a carriage ride through Center City wherein he will offer her a handkerchief to cover her delicate face and perhaps let his thigh lightly touch hers for a brief second at a stop light? What goes on in the male brain? Are most of them really as out of touch with the proper mechanics of dating/courtship/trying to get laid as they seem to be? Let me tell you this. It's not that hard to get what you want from a girl--whatever that may be--sex, kissing on the mouth with tongue, children, a small loan--all you have to do is listen and respond and ask questions (short cut: L, R, Q). And not necessarily in that order. Any order of LRQ will do. Trust me. That's all we want. Feign interest in our stories, nod in the appropriate places, maintain eye contact, say something nice, ask good questions, and we will be yours, for at least fifteen minutes or so. Try it. It works.