I promised I would never write about anyone in my life in terms that might be disparaging to him or her. I plan on keeping that promise, except in this case. I just found out via a newsletter from a bar that my ex-boyfriend recently proposed to the girl he dated after me, Miss Burlingcoatfactory. This is the girl who, while we were dating, would just happen to show up at the same bars we were at and would come to our Halloween parties dressed in creative costumes such as a baby and I forget what the other one was...Possibly a cat or a pirate or something else that requires little intelligence. The same girl who told him while we were dating and living together that she was really into him and would love to blow him in the bathroom of Locust Bar after she finished her cigarette. She's fine, there's nothing really wrong with her...I can't blame a girl for crushing on an available guy; not like I haven't done that. But...I wonder if she knows that he and I went to lunch about two weeks before he left to go on his hike up the Appalachian Trail for six months (for real. He told me that he's still trying to puzzle out our relationship and why we broke up). And if she does know this, I wonder if she knows that he teared up and told me that he still loves me very much. And possibly she understands that. But I wonder if he mentioned that he also said he wouldn't mind hooking up one last time before he left. He would never really cheat on anyone, except maybe if you were broken up for a couple of months and then both of you were a little drunk one summer night and ended up having one last fling. Everybody does that, right? Even if the guy is dating someone else at the time? Not that he would mention that to me; he was and always will be opaque about other women just in case an opportunity arises. He needs the space to be able to calculate what he wants to do and what the odds are that he'll get caught. Pretty slim, especially if you are unaware that he's seeing another girl or two or three (like Sarah, the other woman he had a thing with after me).

I know how I sound and I don't care. It's one thing if he and I hadn't talked in months and months. It's another if you keep in contact with the person and if you have just heard him saying confusing things about loving you and your breasts. And then, instead of him telling me himself, I get to read about how he proposed to her at a bar (which makes perfect sense if you know him at all). So now he's off in the wilderness, communing with nature and his body odor and she can use the time to plan the wedding. Because who wants the burden of having your partner contribute to wedding planning? It's best to plan a wedding while your fiance is hiking so that when he returns, everything is set and he can come in and change nearly all of it. Liz reminded me that he once told her that you get married only after you accept that you're not going to find anyone better than the person you're with. Maybe they can work that into the wedding vows: "I take you to be my bride as I have given up any hope of doing better."


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