Poetry Contest

I somehow accidentally voted for George Bush today. What the hell is going on?

The weekend before last, Liz and Luke were up visiting from Park Slope and I told them this story about an email I got wherein the guy used (and misspelled) the word "masterbation" three times in two sentences. I can't remember who said the phrase first, but after I told that story, someone referred to the act of "sadly masturbating." We could not stop laughing. I almost choked on my eggs from hysteria (this is how we are all emotionally about 10 years old). There has also been some debate about what poem I'm going to read at their wedding in July. Liz wants "i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)," a lovely e.e. cummings poem, but it's been in a couple of movies so recently so now we're possibly looking for a different poem. I suggested a couple of others and then wrote one for them that referred to our conversation about sadly masturbating. Here it is:

"i diddle myself while in tears at your absence"

once you had gone i found myself

online

it was a lonely night

and so many of the buxom girls did have your pretty eyes

and teats of white like wheat

i could not stop myself (did not want to, could not)

-it was as if

you were there

while i pitched that tent

i remember then in a sudden moment

like the breaking of the sky during a sudden

summer

rain

that she was not you and you not here

while i sit in the dark

sadly masterbating (sic)

Then, just got one from Luke in response. He has suggested that maybe it could be incorporated into the wedding vows. Here is Luke's version. It's called:

"Ever Upward"

In light of this mood

I could go take a walk

But I would inevitably pass

women with smiles just like

yours the night you showed up

at the party

with him.

You were pleased and

he was pleased

and no doubt your mother is pleased

but I am not and so

Excelsiorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I'll stay in and masturbate, sadly.

It will be faster than eating a whole bag of corn chips,

but I just might do that, too.

You may wish to write one as well. It could become a collection, perhaps with a sad clown on the cover with a single tear streaming down his face.