But Enough of That: London Calling

Missed the first fifteen minutes, but apparently, it' more of the same. Robin is hated by everyone and Shayne is giving her the what-for and telling her not to keep interrupting the other girls during their one-on-one time.

Crazy Robin: I'm not here to play fair. I haven't had a lot of close girlfriends.
Shayne: When you don't want words to be said about you behind your back, then you have to respect us.
Crazy Robin: I don't want people not to like me or like me or not to like Matt though!
Shayne: Huh?

Now, Robin is crying and laughing at the same time and pretending that she cares that she's hurt people. She won't stop laughing and crying in her faux Gucci sunglasses. Matt's dressed in bright tennis whites--both the shirt and shorts are bright white. Maybe that's why they're all wearing sunglasses. He's giving the rose to Chelsea and I can't figure out who the hell she is. All I know is she is wearing a terrible sweatband around her head ala Flashdance and Jewel is dressed in a Top Gun fighter jacket. Was this 1980's themed date? Robin, who did not get the rose, says through clenched teeth: "It is what it is..." Can I tell you how much I hate when people say that? It doesn't mean anything. No, what it means is: It sucks but I can't do anything about it.

Amanda gets the one on one date. They're both dressed in leather jackets. This one is for sure a theme--it's got a 1950s theme. Oh, dear, they're going to a drive up diner in this Chevy. She's cute, she's joking with him. She is telling him that she's a tough girl and now they're going to dance. Horrible. He can't dance. You know what that means. She tells him that he looks like a ballerina and that he needs to loosen up. He gives her the rose because she's a smart ass and makes fun of him. I wish she would hiccup. They are kisses. He seems to be a better kisser than a dancer. God, he'd have to be. Now they are going to an amusement park that has been shut down and riding a roller coaster and the Ferris Wheel. They should totally be making out on the Ferris Wheel...Oh, wait for it, wait...Yep. Uh-oh, her teeth are huge.

It looks like I am going to get to write my philosophy and pop culture on The Bachelor, if you can believe it. Something about gender stereotypes; maybe comparing The Bachelor with The Bachelorette and how it's always such a different dynamic when you have 25 women vying for one man and 25 men trying to catch the attention of one woman. The men never seem to know what to do with themselves. They really only want to play beer pong and wrestle, not wait around to see if the girl wants to go out with them again.

Okay, now it's time for Marshanna and Holly to go out on their two-on-one date. The drama in this date is that one girl gets to stay and one girl has to go. Holly is pretty sure that she will get to stay because of her perkiness. Marshanna has not had time to sew the outfit she wanted (a wedding gown) and so is nervous that he won't pick her. Actually, she's wearing a gigantic hat that looks like she's a baker. He's asking them what they would do if they had to move to the UK. MArshanna is saying that she would move to London in one and a half second. Holly says, Wait! No, I was already going to move to London even before I met Matt! Look, I know all the lyrics to London Bridges. He is taking Marshanna aside to roast marshannamellows by the roaring fire. She says, No guts, no glory. And then they kiss on the mouth. He says, That was a nice kiss. It wasn't. It was horrible and loud. Stop with the loud kissing! And now he's with Holly on the bed and she's confessing that she just likes to watch movies and that she cannot think of anything challenging to ask him. She's telling him that she really does care about him and really like, likes him, like, how she should, like, like him.

Shayna is great in that she always, consistently looks like a dope. She's wearing a big polka-dotted ribbon in her hair and betting that Holly will be the one coming back. I don't know. I would guess...I guess that he's going to send Marshanna home--I am wrong!!!!!!! He's sending Holly home because all she does is say whatever she thinks he wants her to say. I wouldn't be surprised if she says, I wasn't going to give you a rose either, even though I don't have one. He tells her that he had a strong physical connection but that he found it hard sometimes to talk to her. What he meant to say is that he finds her boring and not a good conversationalist. She is crying in the limo because she poured her heart out to him. No, actually what you said was that you liked him. Marshanna is cuddled up under his armpit as she always is. She's like a kitten (speaking of which, kittens are still MIA).

The final rose ceremony approaches. Marshanna is dressed in traditional Indian garb for some reason. They are all wearing gowns except for Shayna who is wearing a trenchcoat. Jewel/Ashlee is giggling and saying how she lives out of a suitcase because she's homeless. She's not being articulate enough. All that she has going for her right now is black nail polish. Noelle with the dimples will be joining him for her four seconds of trying to connect with him. Connect, connect, connect, connection, connect 4, connectualization. It's all that they talk about, that and having something special. She says, I definitely have feelings. Uh...could you be more specific? What feelings exactly do you have? Now, he's talking to Cameron Diaz and telling her that she seems more interested in the other girls than in him. Her response? She shows him her breasts. She flashes him her sparkly bra. That's her reaction. Clearly, she needs to check in to AA right after he kicks her off, which is what he's going to do in about three minutes.

Two peeps going home. I'm guessing it will be Cameron Diaz and possibly Robin.

First rose: Shayne. Omigod, Jewel is so pissed.
Second rose: Robin. Gross. Hate her. I wonder if she's a plant, like the one we are supposed to hate.
Third and final rose: This all goes so quickly. It will have to be Noelle. Yep. That means Cameron and Jewel are going home. Marshanna like runs head long into Jewel because she knows how much Jewel sort of liked him.

Cameron Diaz is great because she's not crying and she's like, "I don't care if he doesn't choose me. He's an idiot." I wish more of the girls would say that. She also said, "He's crazy. I would date me." Oh, poor, poor Jewel. She just spontaneously burst into a sad, sad song. I'm not kidding. She said, "I wish he would see me as more than just a songwriter." Don't worry, after this show, no one will see you as a songwriter.