ISO Gay Boyfriend

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I just finished writing on the last page of the journal Jodie gave me for Christmas and so was flipping through to see if there was anything brilliant which I should type up before retiring the journal to my bookshelf. Typically, once the journal has ended, I have a difficult time ever opening it again b/c there is something slightly depressing about looking back in time, knowing in some ways how it will turn out and feeling bad for my former self for not realizing the finale. At the same time, I often write fiction or story ideas and then, if I don't put them down somewhere else, they can evaporate into the nothingness that is my memory. Anyway, I stumbled on a list I made on January 14 of this year; a list of 100 things I want in my ideal partner. I believe when I decided to make this list, I'd read some stupid article in Oprah or one of those magazines proclaiming that you can't always get what you want UNLESS you know exactly what it is you're looking for. This idea is extremely appealing to my magical thinking self; the person who secretly half-way believes that certain random behaviors can influence the course of my personal universe (for example, if I win 3 games of Solitaire in a row, I will get "X" or "Y" won't happen or whatever the thing is that I want. It's not rationale).

In reviewing this list of 100 things I'm looking for in a partner, it became suddenly clear that I need to find a gay man to partner with. This will run counter to some of the things on my list (anything to do with sex or desire), but it does fulfill many, many, many of the requirements that I have, if, I guess you accept many of the stereotypes about gay men. Which are not necessarilt true, at all. Here's a sampling of some requirements and I can't really say why I wrote down these particular things. Listing 100 qualities makes you have to think about some slightly odd and superficial items.

*Has a creative side
*Owns a king-sized bed
*Dresses well
*Likes pop culture
*Is a liberal
*Is politically active and aware
*Has a good haircut
*Can dance
*Can cook and likes to cook
*Has good taste in decor
*Takes care of his hygiene
*Wants to travel through Europe
*Listens to me and takes my feelings into consideration
*Loves the NY Times Sunday crossword puzzle and reading the New Yorker
*Buys good presents
*Likes to shop at thrift stores
*Likes old movies and retro stuff
*Smells good
*Has been in a committed relationship
*Wears argyle socks in an ironic way
*Has an open mind
*Is tidy and clean
*Knows how to give a good compliment
A gay man. I need to date a gay man. Of course, there are a few qualities I listed that run counter to the gay man solution including:

*Is straight (I actually wrote this down, as if there were a God who would somehow perversely answer all of my dreams except make the guy a homosexual. So I listed it, just in case).
*Great in bed (I suppose this could work for either a gay or straight man, but I doubt that most gay men would be great in bed with a woman)
*Is very attracted to me and vice versa
*Likes to kiss (women)
*Wants to have kids (with me)
*Knows how to fix things (not that gay men do not, but it is more of a stereotypically hetero trait)
*Is masculine and will sometimes take charge but not in a weird alpha male way
*Loves to (insert sexual act here)
*Is sexy as hell (again, not necessarily a gay/straight dichotomy...Many sexy gay men...Think Anderson Cooper, think the closeted host of American Idol).
Bummer.

Comments

Anonymous said…
bunny--your blog entries have become extremely moving! I loved the orange soda one (mainly because i sometimes do not rein in my moo-moo side, and also always look at what people have in their shopping carts). Also, apparently I'm going to have to start buying you three journals for Xmas instead of one...). xo, mary jane
5:54 PM
Aimee said…
Thanks...I loved that journal. I did get another one, but it doesn't have as many pages. I think I should be more moo-moo sometimes, don't you?
9:16 PM
Anonymous said…
all those requirements in a guy are just like mine, sigh
12:58 AM
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