De ja vu all over again

I am having an off-day because I keep having the de ja vu (the clinical name for it is "simple partial seizures"). It's a form of epilepsy, characterized in my case by extreme de ja vu. It's an odd sensation, not entirely unpleasant but disconcerting because during the seizure (lasts between 10-25 seconds), I have the feeling that I dreamt all of this before, that I am in a dream state again, everything is odd and significant and connected to something important, but then the seizure fades and I can't remember anything I was just thinking about. No image, no word, nothing, though during the seizure, it's very poignant and I feel sick and out of it, actually experience a tingling in my arm and an out of body sensation (it just happened again as I was typing this). Maybe it's closer to five seconds, but I have to stop and wait it out. I feel fine once it's over, maybe a tinge nauseous and it's probably making me more tired than I would normally feel at this hour. I can treat it with medication, but it happens so infrequently; about once every two months and it'll last for a day or two and then fade. I think this series started last night during my sleep. It always seems related to a sleep state and to my dreams and has a continuity to it, like each series is related to all that have gone before them. Still, I can't tell you one single thing about what I'm thinking about or remembering at that moment. There's a phrase that repeats and I can sometimes recall it, but not at the moment. Something like, "It's up to me" or...that's not right, I don't know what it is.
It's interesting and doesn't get in the way too much, except I can't really concentrate on my paper that's due tomorrow and that's too bad because I was enjoying writing it earlier. Fuck.

Jess left me a message the other day saying that she reads my blog regularly and sometimes finds herself irritated with me when I haven't posted. I love Jess. She is having a baby. I hope she will name him/her after me or at least let me contribute to the naming process. Is Liam overused? Will it make everyone believe they're Irish? Will they pick something Biblical like Jebediah or Emmaneul? Sarah? She and Scott are creative, so I feel like they'll come up with something good or they may use a family name. What about Abigal? Then every can call her "Abby," though there's the danger that she'll be labeled "Gabby" and though I suspect their child will be gabby, it's not the best name. My friend Kali is also having a baby so maybe the two will grow up and fall in love and all my friends will be united forever as one. Aimee is French and Latin in origin and means "beloved" or "to love." In case you were wondering.

Comments

Anonymous said…
please name the baby. we've come up with almost nothing. how about nora? scott likes jack AND jane, which is not, as you predicted, creative at all. just go ahead and name it. the middle name or maybe even the first name will be nancy, but who knows. and the boys names--we can't even get past jon which was my grandfather's name, but even that falls into the mundane file. ugh.
Aimee said…
I like Nora. I also like Jack and Jane. What about Matilda?

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