The Age of Aging

I accidentally watched that reality show about the forty-year old and twenty-year old women competing for one cheesy guy with an indeterminate accent. Is he Australian? British? Irish? Or does he just have a speech impediment? I'll tell you that if he had a Bronx brogue, he would be less attractive--he's built like a cheesy Italian dude, slicked back hair, out of control eyebrows, and a huge face. But of course, all the women pretend to love him. The big competition is that this 30 year old ambassador of cheddar cheese from Swedizterland has to decide who he likes; the old ladies or the young hot chicks. The women are really interchangeable despite the age difference. Oh, and one of the younger ones keeps bursting into tears but I think she's just PMS-ing. The older women understand. They are having pre-menopausal hot flashes. Last night, the girls/old maids had to compete in a triatholon on a tandem bike and a surf board. I forget who won, but the very blond girl who closely resembled Kelly from 90210 twisted her ankle and had to walk on crutches for the rest of the show. She got the one on one date with him where they laid around on huge pillows and then she freaked him out by telling him that she knows he has a serious crush on Sara/Lisa/Martha Washington and she doesn't want to get in the way of true like, unless he like, likes her more or whatever. He kicked her off the show.

In other news, the cats are lying around flat on the floor, dying of heat prostration. All the heat records have been broken across America and yet...And yet not one newscaster says a goddamn thing about global warming. Not even as a joke, not even to maybe just bring it up, to state the f-ing obvious. Emma Carol is barely able to get her fat round stumpy self around anywhere. Shawn pointed out the other day that she's so cute because she's like Pippi Longstocking. She is. She's all loosey goosey and a little crazy and impolite but adorable. I have to yell at her every night because while I'm reading before bed, she jumps on the bed and wants to snuggle, but she won't stop licking my arm. It's okay for about five seconds, but then I can't stand it and have to kick her off. She bounces off the mattress and sprint-wobbles off to find further adventures with her monkey.