Confessions From an Underwear-a-holic

-
I just saw a preview for this new movie (based on a book) called Confessions of a Shop-a-holic (not to be confused with Steve Martin's book, Shopgirl, also made into a movie starring Claire Danes); this particular film looks pretty bad--lots of slapstick like girl walking into windows, girl sliding across a floor filled with marbles, girl accidentally giving a blow job to a cop. And I don't really relate to the whole Prada, Gucci, Milana Blanhik (sp?) thing, but I do have an underwear shopping problem. I probably own maybe 50 pair of panties at the moment and yet I bought 4 more at the Gap the other day and then another 3 pair today at Urban Outfitters. But they were on sale, people: $1.99 each. I think it's also based out of the fear that I'll run out--this is after how many years on not having access to a washer/dryer---I now have this need to squirrel away lots and lots and lots so if I ever need to go for like 15 months without laundry, I'd still be okay.
Speaking of underwear, I had my own slapstick moment on Monday night when my landlady showed up for the money order. I wasn't expecting her (she was supposed to get it on Saturday) and so I did what I usually do the second I walk in the door which is to take off all of my work clothes as I'm walking up the stairs to my bedroom so that I can immediately be in a tank top and pj bottoms. So, I was not yet changed and not at all dressed and the doorbell rang. I knew if I didn't get downstairs quick, it would be even worse because the landlady has a key and would unlock the door and walk in. I ran downstairs and grabbed this raincoat, yelling, JUST A MINUTE! but she kept ringing the bell. Then I heard her open the screen door and raced to button up the coat and get to the door before she unlocked it. I made it and was able to hand her the $ order, but I'm sure she was like, Why is this woman walking around her house in a raincoat at 7 p.m. on a hot day? I said bye-bye and shut and locked the door. That's when I noticed that the bottom button of the coat had popped open so chances are good that my landlady has now seen my nonny. Maybe she'll feel sorry for me and knock a little off next month's rent.

Poor girl can't even afford underwear! she'll think.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Maybe you should go "fancy free" one day and see if it will cure your need to hoard panties.

The first girl I ever dated went "fancy free" ALL THE TIME!!! No underwear issues for that girl.
4:54 PM
Aimee said…
I'd have a veneral disease in no time.
4:57 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Candyman: Race, Class, Sexuality, Gender, and Disability

-
Candyman hits on almost all of the sections we discussed over the last six weeks. Let's start from the most obvious and move from there.   Race: A large part of Candyman confronts the anger and rage of the Black community after years and years and years and years of systemic racism. Candyman is an embodiment of all of the men who have suffered at the hands of whites (white police man, the white community, white systems that have set them up to fail such as the housing projects of Cabrini-Green). The monster of Candyman is a tornado of retribution, a hive of bees swirling angrily and containing the men who have been lynched or tortured by whites, starting with the original death of a Black male painter who dared to fall in love with a white woman whose portrait he painted. This monster, like the original, can be summoned by anyone who dares to say his name out loud in front of a mirror five times. Until the very end, the only people who do this are white--and every one of them is
Read more

Short story by Lauren Groff, "At the Round Earth's Imagined Corners"

-
Image
You have to maintain a much more focused attention when reading a good short story versus a novel, because if you skim, you might miss something.  For this reason, I find it a little more difficult on my brain to read short stories.  But if you're going to write in the form, you should read in the form (and others--I have yet to memorize a poem as was suggested in my workshop last week), so I've been trying. Lauren Groff has a story called "At the Round Earth's Imagined Corners" in Best American Short Stories, 2014. You might have read her novel The Monsters of Templeton, or her other short story from a previous Best of collection, "Delicate Edible Birds" (also the name of her book of short stories), I have a vague recollection that that story was about World War II or possibly World War I and a dinner party where the people invited are living it up . I seem to also remember a line about the crunching of tiny bird bones. The Monsters of Templeton
Read more

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-
Image
It’s all about the recaps. It’s a show made of recaps from previous shows. I purposefully skipped the first 40 minutes. These guys are all a bunch of idiots. They are turning on one another. Wes has not shown up, because he will probably come in at the very end for some kind of surprise. They are all trying to humiliate Jake because he is too perfect and too sweet (however, he just referred to himself in the third person; kind of irritating). I don’t remember any of these guys, to be honest. Who are these women in the audience? Oh, okay time for a short break because the show has been on now for three minutes. You know what, I’m going to go ahead and time the difference between the commercials and the actual airtime of the show. >Show returns at: 8:47 p.m. Don’t forget the 20 minutes of clapping in between the scenes. I can’t tell you how much hair mousse has been used in the making of this show. Dave is the crazy dude who has decided to grow a beard for the recap Juan is being atta
Read more