The Hills (TV Show ) Like White Elephants

Though I am usually not the most discerning viewer, I cannot stand to watch any of MTV's faux reality show, The Hills. Usually, I am fine with this kind of slick programming and I didn't mind Laguna Beach (the show's predecessor) that much, but not only is The Hills even more stilted than LB, it's also completely boring. It's mostly just this extended montage of close-ups of pretty girls staring off into space as though thinking.

Scene: Lauren's bedroom. Lauren and Allyson or Chelsea or Brigitta or Whomever are sitting on Lauren's bed, both wearing tank tops, headbands, and shiny lip gloss.

Lauren: So, like, what's up with Steve?

A/C/B: Who's Steve again?

(Close up of Lauren's face. We see her chew gum intently. Cut to: close up of ACB's face)

Lauren: Who?

A/C/B: Did you just ask me what's up with Steve? Because I'm not sure who Steve is. Is he that blond guy we met at that club?

Lauren: You mean Cameron? What about him? Do you like him?

A/C/B: Wait, aren't you going out with him?

(Repeat the two close ups)

Lauren: Oh, yeah.

Cut to: Another inane scene featuring that dumb girl Heidi and her pretend fiance Spencer (I am appalled that I remember their names) who is perhaps the most loathsome character on reality TV next to Puck from Real World.

(How old am I?)

But I am in love with Clean House, a make-over show where Niecey Nash from Reno 911 and a crew of others descend upon a house plagued by excessive cluttering. Last night, they aired a two-hour special because the focus was on the "Messiest House in the Country." A widow and her two grown daughters and their 500 pounds of junk. They all shared this hoarding psychosis, for real. It was kind of disturbing. The depressing thing is that you know as soon as the crew leaves, the families are likely to start throwing stuff on the floor again and not picking up their clothes and the whole thing will be back to looking bad in one month's time. However, the show did inspire me to throw out this broken stool and a stupid plastic Ikea bathroom cabinet that I'd been holding onto. I never ever want to be one of those people. I know I have a tendency to accumulate kitschy things, but I am really trying not to do that as much.

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