Mr. Big Isn't So Hot Anymore

I am glad that he's still working as an actor, even if it's just Law and Order Special Victims Unit but what's more depressing is that he is starting to have a craggy face that makes his nose look larger, and he's got bags under his eyes. Mr Big, what has happened? It's happening to me too. I am getting old, I am getting to the point where people will start giving my birthday cards that jokingly say, Over the Hill! with black balloons. I hate it. The culture of youth. I saw a bunch of teenage girls walking to Catholic school this morning in really short pleated skirts and black tights. One girl was behind the rest, and she had an armful of notebooks and folders clutched to her chest. She is that girl who sits in the front of the class and raises her hand first. I tried to remember what it was like to be in high school--what things did I dread? Everything. Did I have my gym shoes for PE? Would we have to play softball (I was not athletic)? Did I finish my homework for English class? What was for lunch? Would I see the boy(s) I had crushes on? Was my outfit stupid? What I got my period in the middle of giving my speech? Oh, God, did I have my notecards for my speech? What if I failed? Did I have a math quiz? What if I failed geometry and didn't graduate on time? Does Mr. Nichols hate me? Does everyone know that I crank called Joe DeVries on Sunday night? And what do I worry about now when I'm on my way to work? I worry about what I might need to do for the day and then I usually daydream and people-watch. I still worry a lot about all of the what-ifs--what if I fall down the subway stairs, what if I don't have a token and also can't find any money--but it's not the same level of stress. I don't know why once you're an adult, you start remembering your youth fondly when the truth is that when you're in the middle of it, all you want is to be older, to have freedom, to not care what people think (that never goes away), to not have to study for an exam, to stay up all night if you want, to stop getting crushes on guys who aren't interested (that still hasn't gone away for me either).