Paranoid Schizophrenic Refuses EEG

During the EEG on Wed., I wanted to ask the technicican how she dealt with paranoid schizophrenics who needed the test. I mean, one of the big qualities of that disorder is believing others can read your mind. I'm guessing that when you're hooked up to 26 electrodes in your head and they tell you they'll be reading your brain waves, you might flip out a little. I know I did and I barely have a disorder (as yet unclassified). I was thinking, Don't think about sex. Don't think about sex. It'll show up in your brain waves. The worst part of the test was when I had to purposefully hyperventilate for four minutes. You breathe in and out very rapidly--doesn't sound like it would be super strenuous, but your head fills up like a balloon and your lips and mouth go dry and it's unpleasant. The technician asked me a series of questions as though I were a concussion victim:

1. Do you know where you are?
2. Who is the president of the United States?
3. If I have a quarter, a nickel, a dime, and a penny, how much money do I have?
4. What's 93 minus 7?
5. What's that number minus another 7? (I got this question wrong because I wasn't able to use my fingers to count backwards).

I left the neurology department with my hair shellacked back from the goo they put in it--feeling like a girl in Robert Palmer video. Some random strange girl walked up to me as I was headed down Chestnut Street and said, Are you a lawyere? You look like a lawyer? I said, No. She said, Oh, you're so pretty! I said, Thanks. I get that all the time (I meant that I am mistaken for an attorney all the time, though it sounded like I meant that I'm constantly being told how gorgeous I am. I only said that to make her feel less stupid, but then we both felt dumb). She was obviously on her way to have her brain checked out too.

We have not given up on Henri yet. We were gone all weekend and he was very distraught and needy when we returned. He laid his entire self on top of me as if to say, You. Stay here.


jodie said…
I'm not entirely sure I could do that math stuff NOT hyperventilating. But then again, I isn't so smart with math.

I notice that photo is hiding Henri's ginormous body...