Why The Bachelorette is the Dumbest Show in the World

(And me the even bigger fool for watching it). Though, let's be real, people, I haven't been very good about sitting down for it every week. And there will be no video b/c Dan is in Princeton and I don't quite have the energy to make a video of myself.


Okay, the reason it's ludicrous:


1. All of the characters have the same limited vocabulary comprised mostly of adjectives. Those words are: amazing, magical, amazing, true love, love of my life, hardest decision ever, amazing, beautiful and amazing, wonderful, devastating, amazing, best experience of my entire life, cherish, journey, awesome, amazing, special, especially amazing.


2. No one can fall in love with someone when there are 30 cameras rolling and yet they always pretend that it's happening. Every time.


3. Why doesn't anyone ever say anything (intentionally) funny? They must have some sense of humor, and yet, they're either totally edited out or they're so coached that they aren't able to go of script and tell a knock-knock joke.


4. No one in real life is as great as Roberto.


5. I cannot stand Ali's baby laugh or her hair extensions. I'm sure she's a perfectly nice person in real life, but they've made her into something unreal and boring.


6. Why are the kisses so heavily miked?


By the way, word on the street is that she doesn't pick either of them. Or maybe Roberto decides to go back to his wife. It's one of the two.

Her date with Chris makes me wonder if perhaps Ali is on crack? I don't know why she's acting so spastic. Chris is pretending like it's normal and he also might start crying. She tells him that she's in love with someone else. Wow. That's never happened before. She is telling him that she has to let him go, even though she's totally into hanging out with him. This is the set-up to where she later changes her mind and realizes that she's made a mistake. I know this because there is still another flipping hour and a half left. And Chris can be the new Bachelor in the next season. Both of them are able to get in a couple of rounds of amazing before Chris leaves the set (plus an amazing rainbow sent by his dead mom).

Now Roberto is realizing how monumental this moment is and how much buying a ring is a big deal. Luckily, the ring salesman shows up at his front door and gives him a million of them to choose from. I hope the show pays for it. Robert pretends like he's nervous because she might say no. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggght.Shot of Roberto taking a shower b/c we haven't seen his bare chest in 14 minutes. His cleft chin is AMAZING. He then flips the script and says that he may not actually propose, especially if he has to do it with his shirt on. OMG, he's not going to offer her a ring.

Ali is primping and laying her dress on the bed like it's a child. Roberto also said that he has to do what's right for himself. Oh, whoops, we see that Ali has had some help in getting dressed as someone else's legs are accidentally shown. She has a little trouble getting down the stairs b/c the dress is blowing up in her face. Roberto says that he has gone through a lot of emotions and a lot of thoughts and all of those feeling and thoughts are amazing.


Oh, okay, there's an After the Final rose show after this. I won't be watching it. It's all going to be recaps of the stuff we've already seen. Okay, so he's not going to propose. That's fine. Why can't they just date for awhile? Why must Roberto motor in one a palm tree laden boat. Last challenge...Roberto has to walk up 400 stairs. He is just going to go with his gut, his heart, and his soul-searching. He actually said, I have never done this much thinking in my life. He's not going to propose, I can't believe it. Here comes the speech" I was thinking all last night and all this morning and I was thinking that I had to follow my heart and decide what I decided and when I came into this, I didn't know what to expect and when I walked out of the limousine, it was all totally amazing. And you told me that your husband should love you unconditionally, and I just, uh, I want to be that man for you, I want to make you laugh and smile, I want to make sure that you wake up every morning knowing that you're so so loved. The first time I held you in my arms, I knew right there that I wanted to be there for the rest of my life." Ali is saying that she loves him so much. He says he wants to share his life with her, and she wants to share his life, will you marry me, are you serious? This was not supposed to happen, and the ring doesn't really fit her, but he did manage to shove it onto her finger with only a little bit of blood.


How could Reality Steve be wrong? Well, maybe it'll be that they only dated for like 2 weeks. Okay, here comes the montage of dates to ''Can You feel the Love Tonight?" Aw, but you know what, they do seem to really like each other in the montage. Even if it doesn't last and even if he won't stop wearing the Lance Armstrong bracelet. I am suspicious that he's a player. He just picked her up and is about to drop her down the stairs.


THE END.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Reality Steve was given the wrong information. Check out his blog. Last night when I was watching Roberto being dropped off in the boat. I was thinking that he should be swimming to the shore trying to get his green card.

Jenn
julie said…
you are so cynical in this one! i think you should have been drinking more wine while watching... trust me - the whole show was incredible with about 3 glasses of wine in me.

i still love them. and they will be very happy together and have many, many beautiful babies together. hopefully though he gets his perspiration problem checked out...

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