What Will Become of Anna?

Dan is such a good sport and pretends to be thrilled that Downton Abbey is on tonight. He also will watch an entire episode of Hoarders without complaining. Hardly. I mean, not much. I can't say that the same thing happens when he's watching soccer.

I apologize in advance as I try to blog while this is one that I may not recall people's names. Our story opens with a figure on the green lawn approaching the quite beautiful mansion. Anna has circles under her eyes and is avoiding her husband. She's acting weird at the downstairs table. Omigod, the rapist is at the breakfast.

Why? The married man who's trying to get into Lad Edith's britches has found favor with Lord Grantham.

This show reminds me that I need to use cloth napkins more.

Unfortunately, the rapist has an uncanny likeness to the Irish chauffeur. Lady Mary is flirting with that bland guy (Chisholm?). He cannot possibly be her love interest. I have money on the idea that Lady Mary could fall for the chauffeur instead.

Dead Matthew's mother has been asked by the doctor to come back to work. She always has this look on her face like she's just eaten a lemon and is trying to smile through it.  She also has poor eye contact.

Lady Mary really is being a pain in the ass in asserting her opinion of what to do with the farm.

I hate this stupid subplot where Princess Leia with the cleft chin is attempting to seduce the chauffeur. What the hell is his name? Dan refuses to Google it. Did I miss the part where he kissed the maid? Oh, wait, they had sex? HOW DID I MISS THAT? Oh, dear, this is another soap opera moment. I wonder if the gay footman will sleep with her in order to get her pregnant so that she force the chauffeur to marry her?   I will also stop watching this show if Anna turns out to be with child from the rapist. Please, Julian Fellows, do not take us that far, I beg of you. Oh, okay, the chauffeur's name is Tom.

Hats. Dinner. Anna acting weird. Smarminess by Lady Grantham. A drink and sharing between the complicit maid and Mr. Carson. Anna walks in--get it together, Anna! She can't let Mr. Bates touch her because she's been tainted. Are they married or not? I thought they were? She feels dirty, soiled, and will kill herself if she's pregnant. Me too. "Better a broken heart than a broken neck." She's going to pretend not to want to be with Mr. Bates anymore so that he doesn't get killed for killing the guy who raped her. "That's sad," says Dan.

Daisy is the cutest. How old is she supposed to be? Sixteen? Thirty-two? I can't tell, but if I had a dog, I might name it Daisy.

Mary is surprised to see the boring guy, Chisholm in London or wherever they are. His ears stick out. He is not the right swain for her. His hair is too contemporary.

Subplot with dead Matthew's mother and the dapper doctor with the bow tie and moustache. "It's no bother. After all, what else have I go to do?" She's a martyr. Daisy could be a little more assertive. Okay, the gay guy is named Mr. Barrow, let's try to remember that.

At the dance. Look, a black man! First one in the show in four seasons. Note: must wear elbow length gloves more often. Oh, the guy is engaged and Lady Mary tells him she's not ready for love and that she won't be for some years. "It's been lovely and I feel quite refreshed," she tells him. The next time I have to break up with someone, I'm going to say that too.

I just can't seem to like Lady Grantham. She doesn't open her mouth wide enough when she speaks. She's cloying and unreal.

Evangeline ends up dancing with the black man after her partner almost threw up on her. I am terrible about British history--but was race that fluid where a black man could dance with a white woman and not get in serious trouble? He waves goodbye and continues singing a song called "The Grass is Always Greener," foreshadowing Evangeline's elopement to a black man.

Lady Mary and Tom have a moment. She tells him that if he can't tell her his secret, he should find someone who he can tell. Good advice. Please let them hook up.

Bates begs Anna for a kiss. She says, Don't bully me. He wants to know why she won't make out with him and says he will find out what's wrong.

Tom confesses to the older lady in charge what's going on with the plotting maid. I hope they figure out a way to shut her down.

Lord Chisholm is back to see Lady Mary. He will now confess his love for her and his willingness to wait for her to fall in love with him back. Oh, worse, he asks her to marry him. "Tony, you don't know me." Mary is confused by Tony. I am confused by Tony too, because I thought his name was Chisholm.

The rapist's name is James, and he's good at bringing tea. And raping.

I find Tony to be so uninteresting. And too short. And I don't like the way his hair is parted. Hopefully, they will kill him off.

Confrontation between Edna, Tom, and Mrs. Hughes. Mrs. H has found a book that has told Edna about the pull out method. Oh, dear, she is tough. Edna threatens to speak to her ladyship and the tough maid says she will hold her tongue if she wants a reference. Then Edna runs into Mr. Barrow on the stairs and calls him  "sly, and oily, and smug."  He answers, "Well, if we're playing the truth game, than you're a manipulative little witch and if your schemes have come to none, I'm delighted." Best line in the show.

I went to get a cookie, so I missed some stuff. Edith did kiss the married guy. I like her snake arm bracelet.

Bates confesses to Lord Grantham that Anna wants to move back into the house. I guess they are married. Did this really happen in those days? Did the downstairs folk ask advice from their masters?

Someone's sneaking up the stairs; I can't tell who.

"Again, these two?" Dan says about Tony and Lady Mary on the heather. Who does Lady Mary's eyebrows? They're so perfect. "It's no good, Tony. I can't. I'm not free of him!" She has the perfect face for this time period. He asks for a kiss, because he will never love again as he loves in this moment. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that same thing. They kiss, and she is crying. Off he goes, to be gone for a couple episodes until he appears again when the show gets boring.

Mr. Barrow has a candidate for her ladyship's vacant position. Will it be Shirley McClaine? Tom and Mary are off to look at sheep. They will definitely hook up. Who can resist among sheep? All that potential wool is sexy.

Lady Duchess confronts Edith on being a slut and staying out until 6 a.m. "Are you going to tell ma-mah?" Not "mama" but "ma-mah." They're British. Edna is chastised, that whore.

Tom and Lady Mary in the car. Two more great hats. She worries she will regret not marrying the Tone-ster. I suspect she will not. Off they go.