An Alternative Life

Have been thinking lately about what would happen if I decided to just switch my focus completely; to pursue an entirely new life and career. I could go back to school and change everything. Here are some ideas I've come up with:

1. Nurse. However, after finishing Atonement last night, I would prefer to be a nurse in London during World War I. I'd like to wear the tri-corner hats and stiff white uniforms and squeaky, sensible shoes. Drawback: blood and death. I don't think I'm squeamish about blood, but I don't know for sure. I've never faced anything more graphic than a nosebleed. Still, I like the idea of being able to fix people and am somewhat fascinated by being that close to the body in all of its weakness. I was a candy striper in high school, but the most I ever got to do was carry phlegm to the lab (totally gross).

2. Seeing-eye-dog trainer. Drawback: What if I get attached to one of the dogs? Or every single one?

3. Folk singer/guitarist. I'd start wearing patchwork skirts and growing my hair long. I'd write my own lyrics, most of which would probably concern cats. Drawback: Can't sing, plus don't really like to be too earnest.

4. Employee at Foot Locker. Can you imagine what it's like to wake up and go, I wonder if my black and white striped shirt is clean? Where's my whistle? Drawback: Not the greatest at customer service.

5. Homicide detective. Yes, yes, this is what I really want to be! And I would like my partner to be that Elliot guy from Law and Order. I believe I would be excellent at solving crimes. Alls you gotta do is assume that the most seemingly innocent person is really guilty. That's what happens in every episode of L and O. Drawback: Probably requires lots of training. As an aside, I overheard the cute coffee shop boy said something funny yesterday. They were talking about the NY mayor's prostitution scandal and he said, I can't wait until they make this into a Law and Order episode.

6. Forensic expert. Very interesting, but for drawback, see above.

7. Navy Seal. Drawback: Having to pretend that you like the government.

8. Stripper at a Crummy Neighborhood Nightclub on Columbus Avenue. Sure, why not? I have great tits and am pretty perky and friendly. It seems like easy $. Drawbacks: I am not as young as I used to be and so would probably only be able to get a Tuesday night shift. I do not have pole dancing training. It would probably make me hate men. I would likely become a speed addict.

9.Migrant farm worker. Drawback: Aside from roguing, I have no picking experience.

10. Hippie. Could start wearing tie-dye, smoking tons of dope, and wearing small spectacles. Drawback: Paycheck?

11. Staunch neo-conservative Republican Christian. Drawback: Seriously?

12. Marine biologist. Oh, yes, I would like to study the life of manatees. I would like to think that a daily perspective of the undersea world would help me to understand life on land better. I would learn to appreciate starfish. Drawback: I get sea sick and have a fear of drowning.

13. Performance artist. This would help me fulfill my desire to be noticed and enhance my creativity. Drawback: It seems kind of weird (no offense, LM).

14. Ice Sculpturist. Drawback: Ice makes my teeth hurt.

15. Roadie for the Dave Matthews Band. Drawback: I hate the Dave Matthews Band.

That's it. That's all I can come up with at this time. I could make a choice that would change my life, couldn't I? I could become an activist or a professional foster parent or a sex columnist and my life would go down an entirely different path.


Lisa Marie said…
How about you become a very popular girl who has a natural talent for writing. You could be witty and brilliantly funny. It really wouldn't matter how you paid your bills, just so you kept writing. Plus you could go down in history as having the most fabulous blog ever!!! With tons of pictures of cats.....and a weird performance art friend.
Aimee said…
Will you be my wealthy patron??
Ben said…
I can attest to some of the assertions made in item number 8.
Aimee said…
Written like a true lawyer...
ben said…
Heretofore, the allegation aforesaid is admitted solely for the purpose of this blog entry comment and neither reflects nor is consistent with the career and general life related desires and aspirations for a sense of meaning and satisfaction experienced by the undersigned.
Aimee said…
I object!