The Biggest, Longest, Excruciatingest Show

-
Liz and I are currently watching this over-tanned lady from Days of Our Lives announce the weight lose of these very nice overweight people on The Biggest Loser. Might I add that Liz can do the math faster than this chick from the soap. "Thank you," Liz says. "Only when it's even numbers." While watching the show, we are eating crumpets with strawberry jelly, McDonald's French fries, ham, lard (with a spoon) and Spam with cheese melted on top and ketchup. I wish this show gave more tips on weight lose and exercise and I wish it didn't seem to take a sort of sadistic, voyeuristic pleasure in humiliating the contestants. For instance, they had to do a 100 yard dash and their competition was....kids! How awesome! How awesome that grown adults get to compete against third graders and fail. Commerical break where we are shown the other shows that we could be watching, such as E.R. Is Luka still on it? That woman from that other half hour comedy that I liked? My friend Dave cannot watch E.R. because someone is always in a life-threatening situation and has a head injury.

I am slightly embarrassed to admit that Liz and I just double-high-fived and spontaneously clapped with joy because the Red Team won. Who cares. I love high and low culture and I participate freely in both without guilt.

Hi everyone - Liz here. Uh, for the record, AIMEE spontaneously clapped. I did not. Although I participated in the double-high-five and unadulterated joy. Come on. Red was the underdog team...you were happy too. You know it.

Comments

Anonymous said…
just so you know, i've decided to quit my job and join a hari krishna group that works on the side as rodeo clowns. i feel like it'll be more fulfilling.

stop writing about fucking tv and send me an e-mail! Jesus!

you know who.
2:16 PM
Aimee said…
I don't really know who. Jodie?
2:59 PM
Liz said…
Well? Was it Jodie?
6:43 PM
Aimee said…
I don't know! I haven't had time to write her back to find out. I've been watching too much bad tv still.
9:13 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Candyman: Race, Class, Sexuality, Gender, and Disability

-
Candyman hits on almost all of the sections we discussed over the last six weeks. Let's start from the most obvious and move from there.   Race: A large part of Candyman confronts the anger and rage of the Black community after years and years and years and years of systemic racism. Candyman is an embodiment of all of the men who have suffered at the hands of whites (white police man, the white community, white systems that have set them up to fail such as the housing projects of Cabrini-Green). The monster of Candyman is a tornado of retribution, a hive of bees swirling angrily and containing the men who have been lynched or tortured by whites, starting with the original death of a Black male painter who dared to fall in love with a white woman whose portrait he painted. This monster, like the original, can be summoned by anyone who dares to say his name out loud in front of a mirror five times. Until the very end, the only people who do this are white--and every one of them is
Read more

Short story by Lauren Groff, "At the Round Earth's Imagined Corners"

-
Image
You have to maintain a much more focused attention when reading a good short story versus a novel, because if you skim, you might miss something.  For this reason, I find it a little more difficult on my brain to read short stories.  But if you're going to write in the form, you should read in the form (and others--I have yet to memorize a poem as was suggested in my workshop last week), so I've been trying. Lauren Groff has a story called "At the Round Earth's Imagined Corners" in Best American Short Stories, 2014. You might have read her novel The Monsters of Templeton, or her other short story from a previous Best of collection, "Delicate Edible Birds" (also the name of her book of short stories), I have a vague recollection that that story was about World War II or possibly World War I and a dinner party where the people invited are living it up . I seem to also remember a line about the crunching of tiny bird bones. The Monsters of Templeton
Read more

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-
Image
It’s all about the recaps. It’s a show made of recaps from previous shows. I purposefully skipped the first 40 minutes. These guys are all a bunch of idiots. They are turning on one another. Wes has not shown up, because he will probably come in at the very end for some kind of surprise. They are all trying to humiliate Jake because he is too perfect and too sweet (however, he just referred to himself in the third person; kind of irritating). I don’t remember any of these guys, to be honest. Who are these women in the audience? Oh, okay time for a short break because the show has been on now for three minutes. You know what, I’m going to go ahead and time the difference between the commercials and the actual airtime of the show. >Show returns at: 8:47 p.m. Don’t forget the 20 minutes of clapping in between the scenes. I can’t tell you how much hair mousse has been used in the making of this show. Dave is the crazy dude who has decided to grow a beard for the recap Juan is being atta
Read more