That Damn Haley

"Haley! Haley! HALEY!"

Haley is the four year old across the street from my house. I hate her. I know you're not supposed to hate children or babies, but I do not like Haley. Or maybe it's that I don't like her parents who spend half their time calling her name, telling her not to go into the street, asking her if she wants to go inside, begging her not to scream because has the most annoying, bratty sounding scream you've ever heard and it goes off every five minutes without fail. I guarantee that she hears her name at least 500 times a day. At least. She will respond only after the third "Haley." I bet they even spell it some stupid way like Heylee or Haillye or Jualee (though who am I to talk). For our Halloween party, I've been thinking about going as a Fishtown person, but that just seems too easy and pretty mean and not very clever in any way. Every year, I obsess about Halloween costumes and every year I wait until the last minute. My criteria for Halloween costumes are:

*Must be somewhat cute, but not too cute--not like a fairy or a princess or anything. Jodie does not care about cuteness. Neither does my friend Liz, who once came to a party dressed as Dustin Hoffman in his role as Tootsie and bore a striking, uncanny resemblance. Jodie once went as a balding, moustached Gus, the Rotarian.

*Must be somewhat clever or have a twist. Hence "Miss Fortune," and the Freudian slip costume and, less cleverly, Condom Girl and the conceptually interesting but poorly executed "Mermaid Caught in a Net."

*Must be somewhat violent. I just like to have blood on me.

Send ideas.


yo mama said…
you can be part of my dead cheerleading squad--we got into a car accident on the way back from a bonfire after the Big Game?? Where we drove off the road, crashed through the guardrail into a lake? thereby allowing drowning make-up AND fake blood. yes, yes, yes.