Paris Hilton's Video is Amazing!

Finally, we are able to see just how talented Paris Hilton really is with the unveiling of her new video and premiere song "Worship My Extensions." The video has two settings and two costume changes. The majority of it is shot in black and white on the beach and Paris wears a bikini and a gigantic platinum wig. The other scene shows her in a ball gown. Paris basically has three moves she repeats over and over and over--hands thrown over her head in self-conscious abandonment, hands raking through her fake hair, and hands pressed against a fake palm tree while the beefcake generic guy in the video nuzzles her neck. It's amazing to watch someone who is attractive exude so little sex appeal even as she's crawling across the sand ala Madonna in "Express Yourself." The only way I can account for such a vapid video is that she must've had one of her boyfriends direct it or maybe her dog, Tinkerface. But maybe I just haven't watched enough music videos and all of them are basically four minutes of boring vanity poses? Not like every video has to tell a story, but some kind of variation or narrative would be nice.

In other news, my friend Julie is now 24 weeks pregnant. She's having a boy and so we've been trying to come up with names, but all of the good ones are too popular now or already taken by other people in her family (Calvin) or used as names for someone's dog (Jack, for instance, which I really like). I also favor the name Elliot, but there are two problems: 1. My cousin has a child with Down's Syndrome named Elliot; 2. Look what happened to Elliot Smith. Not like using the same name would cause the baby to be retarded or stab himself with a knife, but you want all positive associations with the name. Elijah? Ezekiel? Ecclesiastes? A boy named Sue? Oh, and the other problem with finding names is that all of the stars have taken the interesting ones and I don't mean Rumor or Apple or Shiloh (which sounds like what you'd name your first horse). Those are all girls names, though. Here's the world debut of the Bump: