Yes, Missed the First Hour but I'm Certain it Doesn't Matter

Here's how Corrie talks, "You know, I would like to murmur murmur and like murmur. I'm a murmur." Jake,"Huh?" "I love Jesus and I'm a vir-mur." Tonight with Corrie was do or die for Jake and I think she may have just died.

Now the blond Allie? Ali? Muhamed is having her one-on-one date with Jake in San Francisco--her home town. The girls falesly bid her to have a grrrrrrrrrrrreat time!! She is so ready to give him her heart, her soul, her "everything." Take that, Corrie. She forces Jake to buy her daises and walks down the street with him squealing and saying how perfect everything is. But Alliegh needs to tell him how much she like, likes him. I suspect that she should try a little harder to appear serious. She makes up her fake perfect Sunday which includes checking her email and eating eggs. Jake could absolutely see himself in San Francisco and Ally can totally and definitely see herself in Texas. She confesses that her family is not perfect, but that she's okay with that. Jake wants to get some real answers from aLyy about Vienna (who he so clearly doesn't like and who he has been forced to keep on to keep the show from grinding to a complete halt). Jake is forcing Alee to talk shite on Vienna, but she is refusing to bite. She is saying that she will leave it up to him and that she doesn't want to seem like a bitch. I'm shocked. She's really falling for him and she thinks they have something so great and so that makes her like so happy. Now they are frolicking on the beach and she is ruining her $500 boots by wading in the surf. That's how much she loivkes him.

Cue San Franciso trolley bells.

Jake cannot believe that he has to send one of these wonderful ladies home, because he has fallen for all of them. Tenley wants to believe that her connection with Jake is real, but she's not sure and she's also not sure what color her hair is--blond, brown, azure? Someone went crazy with the curling iron on her hair. Jake does like her a lot. Now they are awkwardly dancing in the fake library. Please let her dress fall down to reveal her boobs. I could never never never dance with someone (1). Wearing six inch heels; (2). Without any music.

He would like to have a few more moments with Corrie to see if she is really into this virginity thing. She explains that just because she's a virgin, doesn't mean that she's not in touch with her sensual side. Jake wants to let her now that it's okay with him. It's not about sex appeal, it's about heart appeal.

Vienna's hair has been made into a faux bun that makes it appear as though she's just emerged from a wind tunnel. Does what's her face--Gia, does Gia have a Jersey accent or not? Hard to say. She's quite beautiful, except when she does the pouty thing. Jake is saying that it's totally amazing. Amazing is the key word. Tenley can't stop fiddling with her dress. All of them want Vienna to be kicked off. Vienna is being pulled aside to see where he is with her. He lies and says that he's really attracted to Vienna--what? If he keeps her, that will be so so so so fake. Jake takes her into the bedroom to show her the view of the city from his balcony. I guess she's kind of cute, except her teeth are completely straight and all the same size. Jake is feeling like the situation sucks. She thinks they have great chemistry, but I don't see that at all. They've all been told to say, "I-want-Jake-to-figure-it-out-for-himself." Jake is just going to let his heart go and see where it lands. He is kissing her and covering her entire blond, windswept hair with his giant palms.

Uh-oh. It's that time again. I have no idea who he's going to send home broken-hearted. It has to be Vienna or Corrie. Though if he sends Corrie home, he will look like a total cad. Chris has a faux earnest conversation with Jake about how he felt on each of the dates with each of the women each of the time. We get a 5 minute long recap and montag of what we just watched about 10 minutes before. In case we forgot: Gia seems kind of insecure, but sweet. Tenley has the straighest hair on one date, and the curliest on the next. Aille is just so easy to be around, even when she is straddling him on the ground in a really unnatural and weird way. Corrie is a virgin who will not live with her partner before marriage. Vienna talks and acts like a fourteen year old. Jake stares at the headshots on the bookshelf.

Rose ceremony:
He thinks that all of them are absolutely amazing and his heart is just breaking right now.

First rose:...............................................Tenley. Her cheeks are so, so rosy.
Second rose:........................................................Aleigh. I wish one of them would not accept this rose.
Third rose:.............................................................Gia. Yes, she's a swimsuit model. Very coy and wearing a necklace around her wrist.
Final rose:......................................................................Vienna. He almost vomits before he says her name.
Going home: Corrie, the amazing virgin. She doesn't get it. She just doesn't get it. I can explain it to you, later, Corrie. At least she's not bawling her eyes out. How long is this damn limo? Oh, okay, she kind of is crying a lot and wiping her eyes with a paper towel.

Whew! He's so glad that tonight is over. Left: two and a half blonds and one brown haired gal.  Alei's mom is cute. Someone's dad owns a motorcycle. Okay, Gia's mom is taking his balls to the wall. Uh-oh, biggest bombshell of all is being dropped on him and there will be no rose ceremony. Yeah, no shit, because he let half the girls go and they need to fill up another show.

Why is it that the outtakes are 1,000 times more interesting than anything they ever show during the episode?