The Bachelor Contestants Tell All or Total Recaps for TWO HOURS


Are you falling for me, because I'm falling for you?

That girl is a bitch.

She made out with the producer on the stairs. Fake gasp.

Several scenes in which Jake is boring.

Their connections are uniformly amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gia has a fake accent and is insecure but has learned to express herself (in a fake, indistinguishable accent).

Tears are shed out of sorrow for not lasting long enough to get a half-page spread in Playboy.

Fake laugh at Chris Harrison's lame jokes.

More previews of recaps from previous and upcoming shows aired and not yet aired.

Michelle remains psychotic.She says that she's normal and the other girls attack her, in an attempt to get her to cry again.

Ali must be brought back out to show the entire five minute relationship they had and how much chemistry was there and then the tragedy of her job requiring her to return to work (even though we know she works for Facebook; seems like maybe an online job could maybe let her work remotely for two more weeks, no)?

Tepid applause as Rosalyn is brought back out. Chris pretends to like her and to be apologetic. Rosalyn makes a joke and no one laughs. Chris tries to confuse the situation by bringing up her son. She denies that she ever made out with her son or the producer. She asks Chris what exactly she did wrong. He suggests they go to a commercial break.

There is no feminism in this show. OMG--Rosalyn just called Chris out for flirting with other women and Chris said, I will not dignify that with a response and could we please go to a commercial break right this second. LOVE it. I heart Rosalyn.