Writing Exercise

In my writing class, one of the in-class assignments was to write a take off on Jamaica Kinkaid's "Girl." For those of you who are interested, this is what I came up with:

How to Walk in Philadelphia at Night

Be careful of stray bullets and muggers. Don’t count your money on the street. If you decide you have to walk home from the subway, don’t dawdle at the corners. Walk with purpose. Stop at red lights. Look both ways before you cross the street and be extra aware of buses. Don’t try to walk in high heels. You could turn your ankle. Wear sneakers. Wear white sneakers because they’re easier to see in the dark and one in five drivers is typically drunk in case you weren’t aware. Keep your house keys laced in your fingers. Be sure not to write your address on the keys in case you drop them. Don’t let your bra strap slip. Don’t even wear tank tops or anything that could tempt a man. The average man has ten times as many hormones as women. Don’t laugh when I tell you that. I heard it on Oprah just the other day. Dress conservatively, why don’t you? It might be a good idea to buy a cape and keep everything covered. It’s dangerous out there. You can get hurt. I couldn’t stand it if you got hurt, you know that and when do you think you will be coming home where it’s safe?