America's Next Top Bitch or "And the Next Name I'm Going to Call is..."

Caught the second half of this show last night and it could easily be a rerun from any of the other previous seasons. They do the same thing every time. They have the same girls. There's always one bitchy girl who is there to spice everything up because, let's face it, models are boring. The bitchy character is always named Jade or Onyx or Pewter. The one from this season is Jael or Joxi. She's loud and tall with short hair and she's not that attractive. I think she even has bad skin--that pockmarked skin you cover over with Cover Girl Extra Acne Hider Filler-Inner. But she's aggressive and mean, so she gets to stay for awhile so that they can have some kind of drama other than split ends. Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton were also on the show briefly at some party where a couple of models got pushed into the pool. NR pitted the models against one another by telling Joxi that one of the blonds (Amber? I think her name really is Amber) said she hated her. That gave Joxi the opportunity to call Amber out and say, Why did you tell NR that you hate me? When we all know that everyone in the house really hates YOU? This made Amber sit on the dishwasher and pout in a head scarf. Both she and Jox were kept for next week, while this petite pretty red head was sent home for being too well-adjusted and having a healthy body image. Tyra Banks was wearing the longest, thickest, fakest false eyelashes I have ever seen. Seriously. She looked like a cartoon character or a Tyra Banks female impersonator. For the final photo shoot, they were asked to do 4 headshots with each one revealing an inner personality trait. The girls pondered this and practiced having facial expressions and emotions. They came up with: Happy, Silly, Goofy, Smiling, Frowning, Unfrowning, and Fake-Scared.

Comments

Ben said…
I'm suing Tyra banks for stealing my idea. I had originally pitched a show to UPN called "America's Next Cop Model," where fat policemen with mustaches get all pouty for the lens. Picture Dennis Franz in a thong.
Aimee said…
Brilliant! I would most definitely watch your show, just to see Franz and that guy from Law and Order get into a cat fight.
Ben said…
how funny would it be to have a meeting with anyone at UPN about anything? wow, so you guys have been entrusted with the stewardship of UPN, huh? how do you handle that kind of obligation?

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