I Don't Give a Shit About the Academy Awards

Is something wrong with me? Could it be that I'm hostile because I can't honestly remember the last movie I went to see? I didn't see Juno, but I feel like I might hate it because I imagine it to be this forcefully quirky movie where the teenage characters speak more wittily than any real teen ever has, sort of a jacked up version of Gilmore Girls dialogue. I didn't see A Country for Old Men, in part because I heard on NPR that it's sad and bleak. I didn't see The Bucket List or whatever that Jack Nicholson buddy flick is (why would I go to a film that's about two old men dying of cancer?). But my irritation also has to do with the fact that there's so much press about the Academy Awards--everyone is so excited to see what the women will be wearing (i.e. who will wear something obnoxious horrible). But we already know. We already know that Angelina Jolie will be tastefully dressed, as will Keira Knightly aka Winona Ryder and Drew Barrymore and Jessica Alba, etc., etc. Billy Ray Cyrus' daughter is presenting, for God's sake.

However, one of the positive aspects of the Academy Awards is that TMC was playing old movies that had been up for awards in previous years--all without commercial interruption. Last night, I watched The Goodbye Girl. I do remember seeing that in the movie theater when it played--I must have been pretty young. I re-fell in love with Richard Dreyfus though I suspect in real life, he's probably a prick. After The Goodbye Girl, they showed Woody Allen's Manhattan and so I ended up watching half of that as well even though I've seen it about ten times already.
Just as another bitchy aside, how many times is NPR going to replay Terry Gross' stupid interview with this banana man? Seriously, this is probably the dumbest interview I've ever heard AND she makes him sing the banana song at the end. I've heard the word "banana" no fewer than 500 hundred times in the last 24 hours. It's driving me...

Here's a brief transcript of the interview:

TG: So, tell me more about this banana crisis.

BG: Well, it's not a matter of if we will run out of bananas, but more likely when we will run out of them.

TG: Huh. And the history of bananas is pretty interesting, isn't it?

BG: Absolutely. The pilgrims subsisted primarily on bananas on the Pinta and were often in danger of falling off of the boat because they didn't yet know how slippery the peels were.

TG: (laughs throatily) Does that mean that bananas almost caused Christoper Columbus not to discover our continent?

BG: That's a really interesting question, Terry...No, no danger. He wasn't actually on the Pinta. He was on the Maria and they lived mostly on pineapples.

TG: What's your favorite way to peel a banana?

BG: I like to peel it from the top down. I try to peel back four exact pieces and to eat it in smallish bites.

TG: Would you mind singing the Chiquita banana song for us?

BG: Yes, I would mind, Terry, for Christ's sake!! (I wish he had said that).


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Anonymous said…
Add "painfully precious soundtrack" and your assessment of Juno is spot on. They may as well of given best screenplay to bratz.
Aimee said…
Funny! I probably shouldn't criticize a movie I've never seen, but still...
Aimee said…
Great dialogue! You need to update your blog...It's been days and days.
Liz said…
I, too, have been subjected to the banana interview several times. Worse yet, I've only heard the same 15 minutes twice. So I really don't know what led to the crisis. But I do know that bananas can be kept safely in the fridge - they just look brown. But they are ok to eat.
Liz said…
Oh - and I've met Richard Dreyfuss and he's not an ass at all. Really down to earth and smart and witty and just lovely. You should definitely have a crush.