(upsidedown question mark) Donde esta el bano?

Very soon, Shawn and I will be leaving the country to visit the largest cuidad in the world, Mexico City. We're staying there for 3 days and then traveling on to a smaller city that begins with the letter "T" (I think) and then Acapulco and one other place and back to el Cuidad de Mexico. I am afraid I will see too many starving dogs to enjoy it, not to mention the poor people. My friend Kali said to think of the dogs in Mexico differently since their culture doesn't view dogs in the same way we do. She said, Think of the dogs as squirrels. This idea helps for some reason, at least in an abstract way. I'm not sure how I'll feel when faced with their bony bodies. (By the way, in preparation for our trip, we rented Amores los Perros ["Love is a Bitch"] last week which is [in part] about dog-fighting. Last night, Shawn had rented Frida which should be called Diego because it's mostly about Diego Rivera and his work and success or about their relationship, but not very much about her life as an artist or any insight into her psyche. I read some things about her this afternoon for about 15 mintues and I feel like the producers of the movie also did about 15 minutes of Internet research before making the movie. Selma Hayek was beautiful as Frida despite the caterpillar eyebrow). I think I'll bring a gun just in case I need to shoot any of the starving dogs to put them out of their misery. We may also be mugged and/or kidnapped for ransom. The mugging would be more beneficial for the muggees because my family doesn't really have any money to give them for my safe return. My stepdad could probably scrape together about $350 but that's it. Shawn has said that if we're mugged, I should just act retarded. The last thing I'm worried about it being infected by a horrible bacteria and soiling myself in the middle of a museum. I will carry around an extra pair of underwear just in case and maybe some shennanigans will result that incorporate all 3 of my fears in a favorable way. Like, I'll be in the middle of being mugged by a guy and when I pull out my wallet a pair of dirty underwear will fly out and hit him in the face just as a starving dog lunges at his pocket filled with beef jerky. That's what would happen if it were a Drew Barrymore movie. We're renting a car instead of taking public transportation. Shawn has assured me that we won't be hijacked in the car or crashed into, but he mentioned last night that he's not sure how great the highways are leading from Mexico City to where we're going. He's been studying Spanish diligently in preparation and I have been absorbing it by proxy. Oh, here's a fourth thing I don't want to have happen: I drink too much tequila and puke for three days straight. I can't wear my contacts either because of the smog.



La Cuidad de Mexico con el negro perro

We'll be there for the Dia del Muerto, their celebration in remembrance of the dead. From what I read, we won't be trick or treating, but we may eat floured tortillas on a grave. I was snotty about the art work; picturing big Aztec or Southwestern type crap until Shawn took me into a Mexican art store on South street...Still lots of ornate, bright pieces, some of which were really cool. We will not be returning with sombreros, so help me Dios.

Comments

Karin said…
Whatever you do, don't show your kidnappers your nipple! They might turn you into a sex slave.

And yes, you will get diarrhea so be sure to carry an extra pair of panties and some baby wipes in your purse at all times.

My friend was in the Peace Corps in Honduras and he said when he got diarrhea, his host family made him eat an entire clove of garlic. That blocked him real good -- for about two weeks. When the urge finally hit him he thought he was going to die. He said he was shitting in an outhouse on the side of a hill overlooking the capital of Honduras, thinking, "I've got to get the hell out of here." He quit the Corps soon after.
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Hoodia said…
Help me Dude, I think I'm lost..... I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him in a car lot yesterday, which is really strange because the last time I saw him was in the supermarket. No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender". He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a San Diego cosmetic surgery doctor ,to fit into those blue suede shoes of yours. But Elvis said in the Ghetto nobody can afford a San Diego plastic surgery doctor. Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger. Then I'm gonna go round and see Michael Jackson and we're gonna watch a waaaay cool make-over show featuring some Tijuana dentists on the TV in the back of my Hummer. And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . . "You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on " Strange day or what? :-)

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