Subway Terror Alert: Your Metro Card Could be Explosive

David Cross has this great part of his comedy routine where he points out how the Administration raises the terror alert every time Bush or his minions do something horrible (Cross also has a bit about Bush wondering what it will take to get the public outrage and how he decides to eat a Jewish baby just because he can). It's like Wizard of Oz; Look at the scary thing! Look! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain! Like, what should NYC do about the subway terrorists are coming alert? Not ride the train? Ride the train but pee a little whenever a dark-skinned man steps on your car? Answer "I support" to public opinon polls about Bush? And don't forget to be afraid of hurricanes. They can kill! Even though N. Orleans flooded not because of the hurricane itself but b/c of the levees. Still! Watch out for hurricanes. You too might find yourself on your rooftop with your dog and an empty Evian water bottle. Our government and our media work like terrorists too (in more ways than one)using the threat of
disaster to scare everyone into submission.

In brighter news, congratulations to Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise for the best publicity stunt yet to deny homosexuality through artifical insemination or perhaps several painful episodes of intercourse with Hot Teen Boy Camp XXX playing in wide screen TV next to the bed! I used to sort of like Katie Holmes though she does have a simpering sweetness that's annoying and she's constantly sucking in her cheekbones, but now...I just wish she wouldn't walk around with her teeth clamped together in a robotic smile. I get that it's tough for Tom to come out to an American public obsessed with family vaules and saving the '"chirren" from predatory gay men (though statistically speaking, child molesters are more often men also involved in heterosexual relationships. I just made that up, but I think it's true). How many "out" actors exist who still play straight, male lead roles? I can think of zero, male or female. Look at Anne Heche. She starred with Harrison Ford in that dumb movie about a plane crash, then proclaimed her love for Ellen DeGeneres, then was offered nothing until she went non-gay and produced a child to show she likes dick. So, yes, okay, Tom, you don't have many options. Given your situation, I might do the same. But Katie, why, oh, why?



Which kiss is worse? Be suspicious of a man who puts his whole hand on your face during a kiss as if he's trying to block out your features because he's imagining someone more masculine. Or one who covers you entirely to disguise the fact that he's only presses his lips to yours ala a 1940s movie screen kiss. In any case, both kisses look staged and awkward.

Comments

Dirk the Feeble said…
Dude, don't diss the MJ kiss, that was a magical moment.
Karin said…
Isn't Pierce Brosnan gay? Or am I thinking of Rupert Everett or whatever his name is? Some dashing dark-haired man.

And the blond woman on Arrested Development is dating Ellen DeGeneres. It seems Ellen DeGeneres gets around quite a bit in the lesbian Hollywood circuit. I mean, she kind of looks like David Spade, no?

You have a point about the dearth of gay actors, that's for sure.

But I don't know if Tom Cruise is gay or just narcissistic. He probably wants to have sex with himself more than anything. In fact, doesn't Katie look like him a bit?

Katie Holmes is certainly lovely, that's for sure, but is it me or does she look drunk from time to time? Don't her eyelids droop in a funny way? And what's up with that crooked smile? She looks like a stroke victim.

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