Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Aloha, Mexico or Buenos Tardes, Maui--What's the diff to these ladies?

Eek!! They're in Mexico! In a resort called the Four Seasons! They will never have to see any barefoot children unless they're streaking by on a moped.

The one-on-one date goes to Amanda, mother of two, with the baby voice to beat the band. They go up in a hot air balloon and her helium-voice powers the balloon into the air. She favors blouses that barely cover her chest. Oh, okay, they're are going to an intimate dinner in a hotel lobby. She wears a black bath towel. I am certain that if he rubbed a handkerchief on her cheek, it would come away with one-inch of foundation on it. She is admitting to Ben that her ex-husband was a cheater. "It was like, he was like, I would like, look at his, like phone? And there was all of these like ex girlfriends and like, you know, it was like, what? And I said like, What, like, gives?" He hands her a rose and she gives him a hug and a smoochy kiss. "Let's see where this can go." Up, up and away!


The women are on a group date, practicing how to say "I love you" in Spanish. Jubilee won't let him say the same things to her as he does to every other girl. He says, "I want to kiss. I am falling in love with  alles of ya'll." Oh, okay, now we're in the market, and the focus is only on the women so we don't see anything untoward such as poverty. They're going to buy fresh meat and cheese and are introduced to Nico and his sister who run the restaurant. It's a cook off to see who will make the better recipes. Here's the catch everybody, The recipes are written in Spanish! Come se dice "guacamole?" The women get mad because Olivia gloms onto Ben and so does Jubilee. He picks Olivia and Jubilee's self-esteem continues to plummet. Olivdiaz's loveliness shines through the fact that all of her teeth are the same length (see previous blog post about Becca). I've added a picture above of Sister Carmelita, who is serving Mexican food.

Emily is claiming that Olivia has terrible breath and that's why Ben is feeding her fresh mint with his hands. They probably all have terrible breath from not eating any food for three weeks. What's with the top knots? Lauren, the elementary ed teacher is muy excitado about her date with Ben!!! She has that one super aggressive dimple in her face that looks like it was made by a hatchet. The brother with the wax mustache tests the food along with his sister with a ladder-like braid. One of the women should go for him. He's adorable. Olivia says, "I put some crickets on top of the dish because people here love to eat crickets."  I don't particularly like any of these women, except for maybe Kaila. And Jubilee, but she will never make it. They don't deal with issues of race or racial inequality on the show, so they have scenes where she's surrounded by a bunch of blond white women and she says, "I just feel out of place," and that's where the analysis stops. "Why do I feel as if I don't belong?" Well, at least she gets to win the cooking competition. 

Olivia almost accidentally on purposes says that she loves him. I don't like it when people talk through a kiss, which is what she just did. Next, Emily comes to interrupt. He gives Emily a brotherly kiss. I like the girl Jennifer, but she won't make it to the next episode. How much time does each person get to spend with him? The girl in the two piece white dress makes out with him the most. Jubilee gets her turn and she's annoyed and going to make it worse. She says that she feels like she's overshadowed by all of the blondes. Ben asks her if it's been difficult. She says, "Do you remember little old me?" Now, because she has pulled away, Ben is telling her that he's no longer interested. He then asks Jubilee to leave. What he doesn't say is, "Thanks for being the token black woman for the last four shows. I am sorry that your entire family was killed and you survived and made it on to this reality TV show that means nothing, but you are still not the girl for me."

I should stop watching this show. It makes me feel icky inside, especially that none of the women ever, ever evaluate the guy. They just automatically LOVE him and feel rejected and devalued when he doesn't pay attention to them.  

JoJo takes it on herself to make Ben feel better by making out with him. So, it's all okay now! The women are all secretly thrilled that he sent her home, mostly because it means one less person in the final rose ceremony. 

Ben is taking Lauren to have that thing on her face removed. She wears a Mexican style top and Ben puts on a poncho. He's cute, but he's not my type. I don't think these women would notice him either if they weren't all competing for his attention.





Lauren is given a hair style and put into a fashion show and Ben has his hair styled into a Back Street Boys brush up.

He takes Lauren to dinner to see if there is more to her than just her talent with making arts & crafts with children, which is important to him, but perhaps not as important as oral sex & crafts. He needs to know if they are more than friends. He likes that she's funny and that she speaks from her heart (what has she said from the heart? That she likes somberors?). She covers her entire face when she laughs.  He says, "When it's right, it's so right. When it's wrong, it's so wrong."  She says that she knows who she is and she was in a serious relationship for four years and then suddenly, he broke up with her. Again, a cheater. Meanwhile, all of these women who have had their hearts broken by a cheating guy have decided to date a man who is openly dating twenty other women. 

Is he falling asleep as she's talking? I know I am.


Final cocktail party as the women talk about how they really can see how they can build a life with him. Not just a life with him, but "like a life" which is exactly what they will get if they marry someone they met on a TV show. Olivia accidentally told the woman with the two kids that she reminds her of the show Teen Mom. Emily goes and tattles on Olivia and starts sobbing. Olivia goes to intercept. This is the part where Ben has to figure out what's going on. She just gave him a cock ring to wear on his pinkie. Emily is sad, but she appreciates how it has made her dig down deep and figure out who the fuck she is (her expletive, not mine). 

Final sombrero ceremony. 
 

2 minutes left and so it's definitely going to be continued.
 
Next week: Six blondes cry. They are all questioning everything. Doors slam. Ben stands tormeneted on a beach in a Versace suit. 

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