But Call Me Betsy

They're going to Las Vegas; one of the few places in the world that I have zero desire to visit (alongside the entire state of Texas minus Austin). Not even for the kitsch factor. How many times will we hear the phrase, "Viva Las Vegas?" (two so far). I wonder how many of the blondes actually know what that phrase means or if they relate it to Elvis at all? OliviaDiaz is being built up to be ultra confident which can only mean one thing: she will be kicked off or almost kicked off. They only ever build up strong women to knock them down. It's in the script. Let's see if we can guess which marginal Vegas celebrity will make a guest appearance. John Mayer? There will most definitely be an Elvis impersonator, maybe two. Maybe twin Elvises! By the by, the twins are dying for a one on one date with Ben, not realizing that by definition, that would be a two on one date and one of them would have to sent home. This brown haired girl (Jo Jo) is wearing a bab...

He looks a bit puffy, I might add.  Luke is watching this with us and I predict he will give up in like five minutes. We see Marmie in her bed with a jar of marmalade. Maybe she's about to come down with cholera. Mary asks Tom what he really wants. She wears a sharp brown suit and a hat with a tiny feather. They aren't flirting. Mary sees him as her brother. Dan goes, Is that really her brother? I did not respond. A police man has arrived to question Mrs. Baxter, who sends the nosy cook on her way. Someone has been accused of theft and I believe they suspect she has helped him. The jewelry has never been found. Perhaps she's hiding a stash under her mattress. She is being asked to testify against this handsome scoundrel who convinced her to misbehave. It is reminding me of Dangerous Liaisons . Luke has gone to bed. Anna may be preggers. Mary's going to take her to London to have her uterus stitched so she can carry to term. There is a sub plot about the...

Missed the first five minutes, but it appears that the flight attendant is going up in a biplane. Lauren, who has earned the one-on-one date, is not into it. Will anyone vomit? Doubtful and if one does, it will be edited out because this is a family show, people. The plane is yellow and it's called Sky Thrills. Will there be jokes about the mile high club? Both Ben and Lauren wear aviator hats and goggles that they don't actually use to cover their eyes. She says she is catching herself pinching herself.  They kiss while doing a zero gravity drop and an inverted dive and a flyby ala Top Gun. A jacuzzi prominently sponsored by Jacuzzi appears in the center of the dessert and they make out in it. There are a disproportionate number of blonde ladies in this season. Back at the ranch, Caila starts crying and her voice cracks like a 13 year old boy. She is just realizing that she is dating Ben along with 20 other women. She's like, "I don't know why, but it ju...

The experience of blogging while watching Downton Abbey versus doing the same for The Bachelor is somewhat similar, as I can never remember the names of the characters/contestants. There are fewer make out sessions and fewer bikinis in DA, but no shortage of tears, though often withheld because of the stiff British upper lip. One thing that is not at all the same is that the scenes change more rapidly. We move from the kitchen to the dining room, to putting on shawls, to peeling off gloves for bedtime. It's hard to keep up. I believe that Mr. Barrow, the homosexual butler, may have a crush on the new whatever that younger guy is (footman? I thought they only really existed in Cinderella). The debate continues about where the Carson wedding will be held. Lady Simper asks what the severe looking woman (Miss Hughes) wants. Miss Hughes says that she wants to have her own breakfast reception and then a bit of hooey. Mary wants to know why Carson doesn't want to celebrate where...

Slew of sad songs playing in this coffee shop. "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road," by Elton John, which reminds me of being five years old and listening to it playing on eight track in my uncle's car. I remember thinking how amazing it was that Elton John wrote a song about The Wizard of Oz . Also, why is it impossible to listen to "American Pie" without singing along? David Bowie dying reminds me that all of these singers I grew up with will soon follow suit, which also reminds me that I am getting older and nearer to the end. 70 years old  is not ancient, but it's not like he burned out at 35. The people who are most taken aback by his death (me included) are in part shocked by their own aging. As a kid, I was never a David Bowie fan, or not a fan. I thought he was strange and interesting and a little scary because of his canine teeth and his two different colored eyes. I also recall his movie, The Hunger, was one of the first rated R movies I ever saw on cable t...

Lace/Sarah Silverman is hoping for the date card, confessing that she was so drunk that first night that she wasn't herself (she says, taking a huge sip of morning chardonnay) and steam-ironing her dress while also using hair spray. She accidentally blows off her eyebrows. My question is how she got a haircut between the first show and this one? The first group date is at an elementary school.The girls  wear short-shorts or tights masquerading as pants. They are in a competition to make Ben explode. Chris Harrison actually said that. The girls put on lab goggles and Dan says something that I can't type here. Now they are being forced to bob for apples and kiss each other on the mouth to pass the fruit. This is very much like a porn movie. Next, their group intelligence is tested by having them try to find Indiana on the map. Even the girl from South Bend is unsure. Now, they have to wear men's underwear on their heads and shoot baskets. None of them make it. Finally, sl...

Have you see the preview ad for this latest iteration? If not, it is set to  a song by an early 80s band (The Weather Girls?) to the tune of "It's Raining Men," except cleverly enough, they've changed the word "men" to "Ben," the name of the new Bachelor . Get it?? "It's raining, Ben!" How many meetings did they have before they settled on that concept? "What about 'Come as you are/As you were/As a friend/as a Ben/as an old frenemy?'" Dan goes, "Wait, isn't this the guy who looks like Donny Osmond?" Yes, exactly.  Ben  keeps saying that he has small town values, which makes me think he loves Jesus. We see him looking out onto an Indiana field wearing a mint green shirt from Marshalls. His parents have been married for 30 plus years and Mom advises him to not take rejection so personally. Dad says that he shouldn't feel unloved by women because he could meet someone like his Mom and the...

Why is there a countdown to Downton Abbey ? Will a ball be dropping, preferably on Marmie or whatever Elizabeth McGovern's name is? Here are my predictions for this season, in the remaining four minutes before we launch. The chauffeur will return from America with a new wife-to-be, but no one will like her. Mary must end up with him. Someone important will die (see my preference again above, though it will likely be Dad instead. I just hope it's not Maggie Smith). Edith will grow her hair out and find an ordinary looking man who looks past her stiffness and sees her for the gem (and feminist) she is. Daisy will leave for a better job as a secretary. Anna and the murderer will be reunited and neither will end up in jail. A few new amazing electronic devices will be introduced to the household. War will break out? I'm not sure what year we're in. One thing I am sure of is that lovely, lovely clothes will be worn by all of the women. And I hope they have gotten a new d...

1. The Kardashians. Some things happened with them this year that were very dramatic. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention and cannot report on what those things were. 2. The Dog. He turned one in August. He learned three new tricks: roll over, paw, and up with a turn around (that was a little flair he added in himself). He has calmed down, though still likes to have one's full attention whenever he is awake. He continues to be the best dog in the world. 3. Publishing and writing. I sent out work on a semi-regular basis, took two online writing classes through The Writer's Studio, took a summer online writing class through Rider, spent ten days at the Yale Writing Conference, attended two writing classes at Princeton Adult School, and taught one eight week class through Eckleberg. I got two stories published (one I learned about last night; just under the wire for 2015), was a finalist in the BOA Short Fiction Award, and a semi-finalist in the New Millennium Writ...