|Nick's outfit is a mixture of the above.|
I missed the first half hour of the show due to extenuating circumstances. Here's what I can tell in a flash: they drink a lot of wine. They fly in a lot of helicopters. They touch their own hair a lot and bite their (own) lips. Nick says he has "a sense of wonder," which makes me want to vomit. He is reminding me more and more of Fred Savage. They obviously don't know each other at all because she's asking him stuff like what his most embarrassing moment is. He wears sixteen different kinds of pastels to illustrate that he has a sensitive side. They kiss loudly around a bunch of palm trees. He tells her that he loves a lot of things about her, including just, like, her. They go into the fantasy suite so he can say more things that sound half literary and half like he's never dated a girl before in his life.
Second fantasy suite card: Josh, Who Couldn't Care Less
Later, Josh, face sweating, confesses that he was literally afraid he would go home on the first night. Andi is dressed in a shapeless mauve toga. They loved seeing each other out there, they say. I don't know what they're talking about, on the softball field? Josh's sentences are long, repetitive ramblings with at least one cliched thought and four "you knows" thrown in. "I love helping out kids, you know? Kids are so great and like, I like to throw things at them, you know? It makes me feel good." He just said, "I love being happy, I love life, and life is great, and you are life and happy great." He's definitely drunk. Stop talking in the middle of a kiss! Dan says from across the room, "Headline tomorrow reads, 'Former Baseball Player Rapes Bachelorette in the Fantasy Suite.'" They move the make out session to the candlelit pool.
Third Fantasy Suite Card: Cowpoke Chris
Boring Recap with the Host
Unnecessary Rose Ceremony
Nick shows up in a pastel checked shirt and then Josh shows up in a lovely blue blouse. He walks like he's carrying a walnut between his muscular legs. They wonder why Chris the farmer hasn't shown up. They give each other "What the---" looks. ANDI!!Change the mumu. Maybe she's already pregnant. Andi gives them the option to not accept the rose because "it's a two way street." She has used that phrase a couple of times already. Nick accepts the rose. Josh does too. Four minutes left. They will now both be going to meet her family, ya'll.
Next week is the dude recap. We know that she will end up with Nick.