But Call Me Betsy

First Openly Gay Racehorse To Compete Sunday

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, I haven't yet come up with an exercise for beginnings and endings for the writing class. I think I'll steal something from Writing Fiction , but really, no, that's not going to work because the author doesn't quite focus on that particular aspect in detail. Bad beginnings for essays: "Since the beginning of time..." Bad beginnings for stories: "I woke up at 7 AM with the alarm clock." Good beginnings for short stories: Start in a moment of crisis. Something is happening immediately. Let us know where and when we are. Let us know who the narrator is, who the characters are. Their gender or age shouldn't come as a surprise 1/3 of the way into the story either.  Bad endings for essays: "And that's the whole truth and nothing but the truth and I'm sticking to it." Bad endings for stories: "And it was all a dream. ---The End." Pet peeves in endings: Ah-ha, surprise endings. Unless you...

Summary: Are you falling for me, because I'm falling for you? That girl is a bitch. She made out with the producer on the stairs. Fake gasp. Several scenes in which Jake is boring. Their connections are uniformly amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gia has a fake accent and is insecure but has learned to express herself (in a fake, indistinguishable accent). Tears are shed out of sorrow for not lasting long enough to get a half-page spread in Playboy . Fake laugh at Chris Harrison's lame jokes. More previews of recaps from previous and upcoming shows aired and not yet aired. Michelle remains psychotic.She says that she's normal and the other girls attack her, in an attempt to get her to cry again. Ali must be brought back out to show the entire five minute relationship they had and how much chemistry was there and then the tragedy of her job requiring her to return to work (even though we know she works for Facebook; seems like maybe an on...

I keep forgetting to put in links to my Philadelphia Stories column. Here is one from the last issue called "How to Become a Writer, Birth through 7th Grade." I need to write Part II today--I guess that's high school through mid-twenties? It's nice to have this regular writing deadline. I really should have more. It keeps me honest.

This is the picture that makes my mom say, OMG, you had such brown eyes! They were really brown and now they're more not-brown than brown. My grandpa's legs. Note the overalls. He wore those every day.  Me learning early on that I was in no way athletic. Couldn't even roll a ball across the floor without injuring myself. I love this picture because even though I'm not exactly sure of the context, both Jeff and I have clearly just had our showers and are getting ready to go somewhere; probably church. But then you have my grandma in the background, in her bra, and smoking a cigarette. She would kill me if she knew this photo were out there, but she's in her nineties and only rarely gets online to tweet about her life. Here I am in ponytails next to a giant car. I think I'm holding a book, but it also looks as though I might be trying to self-tan. And then here I am practicing piano with Mr. Lockwood who never, ever suggested that I perform in a reci...

My friend Jason and his wife have a new kitty cat named Percy. He only has three legs. They got him from the SPCA two or so weeks ago, right after his leg was amputated b/c of an infection in his paw. He's a Port Richmond/Fishtown cat and so quite tough. Evidence below:

Just scanned a few more photos because I was having trouble coming up with a topic to write about today. Brain is semi on the fritz. Here is a photo of my mother and her brother, Richard in Nebraska. He already has his own pair of overalls. Mom to the left, squinting into the sun while tall, older sister Margaret stands by her, also squinting. I imagine that mom's dress is a hand-me-down. I call this one talking, because it looks like I'm holding forth on something. I started talking early and really have never shut up. My first nude shot. This is my cousin Charlie and me--looks like he's still in diapers. I think I'm about 2 or 3 years older than him, though I always felt much, much older. See how I have my hand on his knee, as though prepared to take care of him? Looks like he just finished eating a Swanson's meat pot pie. Those tins were excellent for making mud pies too. A terrible, terrible, no good, very bad haircut. I remember getting that hair cut, I think. ...

Vienna has never been in love before--heck fire, she's only fourteen! But Jake thinks she's a whole lot of fun and he just likes it that she can act like a total immature idiot, which brings the immature idiot out in him and together, they can have completely inane conversations and pick each other up and throw each other down and neither one knows what in the world is going on! Vienna reminds Jake a lot of himself, when himself was a boy and he's never been in love with someone so much like that teenage boy he remembers and wants to fall in love with (wait, he wants to fall in love with a teenage boy)? They are so comfortable around each other they can just act like assholes and not even notice it. He loves that shitty little tattoo of a mermaid she got put on her hip at Hot Topic for just $24.99, and he loves that they can roll around in the sand together like two young dogs in heat. Aside: Didn't see all of the previous date with Tenley, only got a smidgen of her t...

One of my favorite Onion videos of all time... Insidious Worm Makes Unauthorized Purchases When Computer User Is Drunk

I thought for certain when I went in today that they X-ray would show my bone miraculously and completely healed, especially since I haven't been wearing anything on it and have been able to sleep on that side of my body without any trouble. But, alas, I am still broken:   It doesn't really  hurt; it feels mostly like a bruise. Like, a huge giant bruise that's actually a complete fracture. Is today Monday? I keep thinking it is because we had two snow days in a row and now I'll discombulated.

Beginning to feel a bit like the Jack Nicholson character in The Shining --a shut in at the Overlook Hotel, only in this version, it is the cats who are in the most danger. Spent some of yesterday doing work stuff, but also finishing up yet another in a long series of crossword puzzle books. I worried about how I would shovel the snow since I don't actually own a shovel. I thought for sure that one of the neighborhood peeps would come by to offer to do it (as they did when it was bad this weekend), but nobody was out. Now, it seems like the snow might melt on its own, but I still have this low level anxiety about what my neighbors must think of me since I haven't cleared the way (neither have the two houses on each side of me, but still). Aw, Jenn Bing just came over and she's shoveling the sidewalk for me! And she won't even take my ten dollars. I'll buy her coffe. See, this is what happens when you have nice people in your life.

It snowed a bit this weekend. These are photos of what used to be my back patio.           And this is probably the only time in his entire life that Ernesto has refused to go outside. Both he and Emma Carol, really, really want to be out there until they find that the snow is cold and not so friendly.     Below, please find some urban art that Lisa Marie and I discovered in South Philly.You just never know what will turn up.          

The title refers to what the baby-voiced Tenley can bring to a household. and you know what TenLee would say about that? She would say, "Aw, tank you, daddy! Tank you for not being like my big bad ex-husband who weally didn't understand me or appreciate my pirouettes at all!" Of course, to be fair, this show is heavily edited and so they have to put labels on every one of the contestants/actresses/automotons, and her label is, Can't Get Over My Ex. The worst thing I've seen in this second half is Tinlee dancing solo for Jake in a leotard. I wish they would've played, "On the Wings of Love!" along with it. Her ex husband never admired her dancing and he also didn't get her hair-dos or her polka-dotted rainboots. Dad would give his blessing to Jake if he would just take his daughter off his hands, for the love of God, please marry her!!! What century are we in where the dad has to give his say-so and tells this guy he's known for ten minutes t...

Which means that I can live off of tofu for the next six days without starving, regardless of what the weather does. Padhraig sent me this link: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/how_to_put_the_spark_back_into Watch it if you want to learn how to further bond with your cat.

Here's how Corrie talks, "You know, I would like to murmur murmur and like murmur. I'm a murmur." Jake,"Huh?" "I love Jesus and I'm a vir-mur." Tonight with Corrie was do or die for Jake and I think she may have just died. Now the blond Allie? Ali? Muhamed is having her one-on-one date with Jake in San Francisco--her home town. The girls falesly bid her to have a grrrrrrrrrrrreat time!! She is so ready to give him her heart, her soul, her "everything." Take that, Corrie. She forces Jake to buy her daises and walks down the street with him squealing and saying how perfect everything is. But Alliegh needs to tell him how much she like, likes him. I suspect that she should try a little harder to appear serious. She makes up her fake perfect Sunday which includes checking her email and eating eggs. Jake could absolutely see himself in San Francisco and Ally can totally and definitely see herself in Texas. She confesses that her family is...