My New Year's Resolution List

Can't believe it's been a week since I wrote; mainly because I was out of town for a couple of nights to have Christmas at Jodie's brother's house, but also because I've been taking long daily walks and knitting and this has exhausted me completely.

Since I never manage to keep my even most well-meaning resolutions for more than two days, I have decided to create a list that I am sure I can handle:

1. Gain at least twenty-pounds, mostly in my ass and face so that I am disproportionately large and will have to start wearing size 14 pants.

2. Drink more, preferably hard liquor such as cheap gin with tap water.

3. Have meaningless, unfulfilling one-night stands with numerous stupid men.

4. Read fewer books.

5. Stop taking vitamins. Consume more sugar and processed foods.

6. Drive everywhere instead of walking.

7. Discontinue recycling. Insist that produce and such be wrapped in extra plastic bags at the grocery store.

8. Procrastinate as much as possible. Pay all bills late. Leave cat litter alone for weeks at a time.

9. Get more cats.

10. Start bringing cigarettes to work and taking long smoke breaks at least once an hour.

In other news, I got my hair cut today at the wonderful Chop Shop on South Street. My hair is now officially short. You can see my neck. I can't decide if I like it or if it makes me look as though I'm on my way to attend an elementary school soccer game with the other moms.