But Call Me Betsy

Abhishta is my friend at work who makes jokes during large staff meetings like, "I know the lights are off so you can't really see me, but I'm here." Today at lunch, he asked me why he had to sit in the corner, if it was because he is brown?I said, Yes. Because you are brown and you talk funny. Talk like a normal 'Merican, damnit! He is actually one of the most gentlemanly guys I know and I was shocked today when he used the "f" word, though it was in relation to world politics so I understand. I have this scab on my elbow and I confess that I can't stop picking at it. I want to pull the whole thing off and see if it bleeds, though I know it will hurt. Okay, I stopped. I even put a Band Aid over it so I wouldn't be tempted. Have still been doing the writing in the morning, though it's really only journaling, but the other day, I got this book from the library that has writing prompts in it and so I decided that I could give myself a writing a...

A word to the wise for women: do not wear a tank top while walking around in South Philly. It does not matter if you are a no-bra-wearing granny or a flat-chested adolescent, the men in South Philly will slow down their cars to gawk and say things like "hi, mommy" when you pass them and ogle you in the subway while attempting to keep the tunnel wind from sweeping their toupees of their shiny round heads. I had a moment of utter contempt for the male species this morning but maybe I should feel sorry for them. It must suck to have every other thought in your head revolve around sex or around juxtaposing the head of some random woman on the body of a Penthouse photo you remember from seventh grade. I could be misinterpreting; the subway man, for instance, might have been staring b/c I remind him of his long dead sister. But I wanted to walk over to him and be like, Hey, you're gross! Stop thinking about your sister in that way! In unrelated news, I woke up the other night...

This is Jodie's cat, Junebug, devouring an iconic image that is meant to represent peace among humankind. Cats don't care about that sort of thing. I sat near a guy on the subway today who looked like he was on the nod, though I didn't see any track marks on his arms. He wore a stained white t-shirt, blue jogging pants with pockets and yellow construction boots. Can you get a creeped out vibe from someone for no real reason? Is it a valid vibe or invalid b/c you're making certain judgments and assessments that might not be rooted in fact at all. Okay, so he was sitting there staring off into space with his eyes half open like an addict. In his hand, he held a crinkled subpoena to appear in court and it said something like, "Bail is set at $XXX." Does that mean he's appearing in court to either make bail or not make bail and will be going to jail? They don't go over this kind of detail in Law & Order . He just seemed off in some way; not necessaril...

I have to write about this--I can't hold on to this information any longer, even though it may compromise myself in some ways, but the material is too good. Okay, it's fairly normal now for people to try Internet dating. Friends don't react in the same way now about it as they might have ten years ago--they don't make a face like you just admitted you're thinking about getting another five cats or getting a bilevel cut with bangs. And anyway, you don't have to sign up for anything online if you don't want to--you can glance at people just to see who's out there. But the very best thing about it is that guys (and I'm sure women too) say some unintentionally really funny things. Irina told me about her friend in NC who got read a profile from a local that said "I dont read much butt when i do its the bible." Some guys like to emphasize what they absolutely don't want in a partner. Here's an example that C. sent me outlining one man...

It wasn't intentional, but my iPod is dead. I dropped it on the floor and the front cracked and now it won't turn on. It is the saddest thing ever. I can't buy another one because they're too much money and I could only get this one b/c I had a $50 gift card so woe is me. Yesterday, I kept going back to it, thinking that maybe it would work if I pushed the button just one more time. I was like a mother bird whose dead babies no longer peep but who tries to feed them worms anyway. Or something like that. It didn't turn on. RIP. I no longer have music--actually, that's not true because I do have a small $6.99 radio Walkman and gigantic headphones. I need to walk home from TUCC today and so will bring that along. I know there are ways to fix it--just found a few online so maybe something will work and I don't have to utterly despair. Finished What is the What? last night and sobbed and sobbed at the end (which I never do. He uses this beautiful device at the e...

I have a friend who owns two kayaks and I went in one of them yesterday for the first time. I didn't just sit in it on shore, though I probably would've been happy to do that; I actually went into the Schuylkill River and paddled (with a life jacket mom, and water wings and extra oxygen tank just in case I should fall topsy - turvy into the drink). Whenever I try a new "sport" or activity of some kind, I'm hopeful that I will somehow be a genius at it--that I must have this hidden, not before discovered talent. I've never been good at sports of any kind, could even manage to miss the ball in t-ball and was frequently second to last picked on any sports team in elementary school, right before the girl with the lazy eye and gimpy arm (and on some occasions , after her). In volleyball, I would duck if the ball happened to careen my way and in basketball, I am excellent at pitching the ball directly at the rim so that it bounces off and hits me square in the for...

This is an actual picture of my high school in Dunedin, FL. It looks pretty much the same as it did 500 years ago when I was a student. The tree in the center used to be just yea high. I recently got an email from this kid I went to middle and high school with in Dunedin; he was always one of my favorite people because he was smart and sarcastic and pro-choice at the age of 12 (even though, for a time, I was adamantly anti-choice b/c of my friend Julie K. who brought in this pamphlet "written" by an unborn fetus. I think the last line was something like "You killed me today." Very powerful stuff for a preteen). Adam may now be a Republican, but maybe not. He and every other intelligent guy in our high school had a crush on my friend Tina. She was pretty and mature and perpetually tan. Her parents were also very lax and I feel like we had a few parties in her condo that included beer. Yes, yes, it was at one of her parties that I "cheated" on one of my hi...

If anyone can help me make an eye patch for a cat, please let me know. Thank you. There will be a substantial reward. Spent most of last night reading Jasmine for our class tomorrow and also have been trying to swim through What is the What? by Dave Eggers for my final paper. Guess what I'm learning throughout this course? Lots and lots and lots of people around the world have been murdered, raped and enslaved in the last several years. But we never hear about it here in America because MTV hasn't figured out how to make this idea of genocide into a hip new reality TV series yet. Let's send Paris Hilton to Darfur and see how she fairs. I feel like I need to adopt a child, and not in an Angelina-J way, like in a real way. Do they let single women adopt needy children? I won't even specify gender (though female is preferred or a boy who likes dolls). Here's what I love about South Philly: There are a few different ways for me to get to the subway each morning and ...

I have done absolutely nothing all day except listen to the radio and download music onto my iPod. I've discovered that even though I have over 400 songs on the thing, I still have more than half the space left. For some reason, I thought 2 GB only allowed you 500 songs. Oh, whoops, just looked more closely and I have 1,000 songs. What's a girl to do? I don't think I even know 1,000 songs. More like 469. One of the groups I rediscovered today is Magnetic Fields. Their lyrics are supremely silly and no matter what they're saying, they always sound like they're singing a funeral dirge. I asked my friend BB of Chicago if it was okay if I wrote about what songs remind me of him. He said okay, but I have to only use his initials. There are lots, because he burned me several CDs--he's one of those people who knows about cool music before it's even released. He's sent me two songs over email (Feist and Something I Can't Remember at the Moment) which is ama...

How about this one? "DAMN! Wish I was your lover!" It's impossible not to listen to this station; it's like going back in time. It makes me want to put on leg warmers and a Wham sweatshirt with the collar cut off (though I never owned one of those. I did have Stray Cats, however. And I knew this girl Tammy in middle school who at least once a week wore her Billy Squier concert shirt. She was kind of gross or at least that's how I remember her because she liked this song I considered super dirty...Can't recall the title...Is it "Stroke Me/Stroke Me?" I was really kind of a prude at that age). Ate at that Cantina place again last night. I've got to stop taking everyone I know there and remind me not to order a pitcher of margaritas b/c it's too much, too sweet and it never gets finished and makes my throat hurt. There was chuffing everywhere. Walked over to Liz's afterwards and sat on her outdoor deck discussing Joanie's wedding and a b...

We noticed again at lunch that all four of us (Irina, Celia, Joe and I) were raised in homes where we were the only child--no brothers or sisters to be found anywhere. The cliche is that only children are spoiled but I don't think that applies to any of us. We all had slightly to seriously dysfunctional childhoods and none of us had the Barbie dream house (well, maybe Joe did). I think being an only child makes you more imaginative--you have to be because you're alone more than most. I remember wondering why anyone ever gave me board games to play because I didn't frequently have friends over and I didn't play Sorry with my parents; I would play the games with my pretend friends and I would always win because I was controlling all of the other invisible people's moves and could see their cards, etc. It's an advantage in some ways to grow up this way because it also forces you to be more imaginative and it made me into a big reader too. I told Celia and Irina tod...

Last writing class on Tuesday and we were given an entire hour to write which was a little scary. She gave us 3 writing ideas: 1. Can go back over your other in-class writings and underline passages or words or images you like and then try somehow to weave them together. 2. Reflect on writing itself. List some of the assumptions you have or have had about what it means to be a "real" writer. Then focus on one or two of those and examine where that assumptions stems from and decide if it still rings true. 3. Choose an image and write about it (she put down a huge stack of cards for us to browse through). I liked #3 the best and found 5 that I liked. All were in black and white and four of the five featured animals. They were: *A man and a woman getting married and kissing on top of a flagpole ("Flagpole Wedding," by Allan Grant, from Life magazine, 1946, see above). *A huge fat black crow cradled in someone's outstretched hand. The quote on the card read "Se...

You were likely named: Frances Doris Dolores Dorothy (the letter "D" was quite popular) Florence Gertrude Eleanor Evelyn Betty Ruth Marie Helen Bertha Some of the less common names were: Daisy Pearl Polly Mathilde Millicent Olive Josephine Ducky I know this because I am currently going through yearbooks from the 40s decade. I am happy not to have been in college at that time. The hair-dos alone would have crippled my time considerably--lots of elaborate upsweeps and bangs and sausage curls boing just so on your shoulders, and I had no idea that saddle shoes were a fashion rage for like two decades. Now I have moved into the 1930s and many of the names are the same, though we are seeing more Ethels, Kays, Claires, and Janes, and one Cornelia, a name I used to love when I was younger. Cornelia and Cordelia. This was long before I knew anything of Shakespeare even. In the 30s, you must own bobby pins and use them to keep your hair in finger waves. Collars seem to be of utmost i...

I miss Gretel.

Someone should write an essay about how people think they fall in love these days. My guess is that it would be based in some degree (at least initially) on "getting" each other's pop culture references from their youth. Like, you could tell yourself you are in love with a guy because he quotes the same line the cute guy whispers to Molly Ringwald right before he kisses her in Sixteen Candles (or, you could hate the guy for the same reason, depending on how yo u feel about Brat Pack movies). Or like if someone had the same toys you did when you were a kid (like "Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Robot." Okay, I didn't have that toy but my uncles did and so I attach nostalgia to it). And if I meet someone who can talk to me about other childhood favorites like Little House on the Prairie , Holly Hobby, or EZ Bake-Ovens, I'm a goner. But you can only go so far with, "Remember that episode of Facts of Life where Jo admitted she was a lesbian? That's...

Spent an hour yesterday adding more music that I don't need to my iPod , including a bevy of Elliot Smith songs. He's got a great voice and his lyrics are beautiful and he's sad and he's dead, because he stabbed himself in the chest with a steak knife while his live-in gf had locked herself in the bathroom . So, every song is tainted with this knowledge that he ends up dead. Oh, just did some Web research on him and he was born in Omaha, NE. A Cornhusker , like me. His mother's name was actually "Bunny." At one point, he smoked like $3,000 worth of crack and heroin a day but was still writing music. Then he started to clean up and went into treatment and was making another album and then he killed himself. No illegal drugs were even found in his system. Dumb. Spent Friday night on Liz's brand new roof deck and her friends, Peaches (Drew) and Rauol ( sp ?) came by--they're in town to do the bike race in Manayunk today. I told them a super embarra...

Our writing prompt for last night was to think of a photograph in our heads of someone from our life. We were told that we could close our eyes to think about it. I didn't. Our teacher said that we should write it directly to the person, using the "you" pronoun. She also suggested we start with "In this one, you are..." For some reason, I thought of yearbook photos: Brokol , Pen ny . In this one, you are a junior. You have the same badly feathered hair as all the rest of us girls from 1986 and also a bad perm that your mother gave you one hot Sunday afternoon. You are smiling crookedly and wearing a striped shirt that falls just off your shoulders. You are trying to be a little sexy, but that's not what you're know for. You are popular for being on the Varsity tennis team, for being the president of your class, for being sweet. You are pretty in an ordinary, non-interesting way, but we are threatened none the less, my best friend, Jen and I because two ...

Jodie's visit was too brief--I feel like she was only here for about 35 seconds and then had to go. Maybe that's because we spent 3 hours of our time in Target, but that was fun. We tried on clothes and fondled sparkly things and looked at digital cameras and basically, it was just good to be with her, even though she's peer pressuring me to join facebook. She even helped me take care of my ant problem in the kitchen. The ants were basically taking over the cat food dishes and building an entire fortress in my house. Jodie sprayed them and then mopped up the floor afterwards. I think she should come live with me forever. And then Padhraig left for Notre Dame yesterday and will be gone for a month, studying whatever it is that he studies; something to do with Irish people. Went to yoga class tonight and was proud of myself for being able to (sort of) do the sideways handstand. For some reason, I can do it better with my left arm than my right. You would think it would be th...