For KG

My friend is dating a guy who is doing almost everything wrong. I came up with an initial list of things that are immediate deal breakers. You must break up with him if he:

1. Refers to sex as "making love."

2. Burns you a CD with love songs on it and a cover he made himself from scratch ("see the paper? I cut down a tree at my parent's cabin and made it. Then I took a newspaper and carefully scissored out the letters to spell 'Our Love is King' and then I Photoshopped the images on top of all of that. I had to buy Photoshop to do it, but it was worth it").

3. SHOWING UP UNANNOUNCED IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

4. Says "I love you" before you've known each other a minimum of three months.

5. Buys you jewelry--even if it's a Christmas gift. I'm sorry--guys do not know how to pick out jewelry. In fact, I don't even know how to. Same goes for the following Christmas presents: any type of underwear/bra/nightie (ditto anything uber sexual like some type of "costume" or cinnamon jelly that heats up when you add champagne. ), absolutely anything he's made himself (but most specifically a scrapbook of, like, the one photo he's taken of you while you were sleeping with cut-out of his head glued on next to it), anything from the Winnie-the-Pooh collection (but most specifically sweatshirts), something that is way too expensive an inappropriate like say a diamond, a trip to any location outside of a five mile radius, cooking utensils/apron, any appliance, any object that is engraved with your name on it. I think it would be funny if you purposefully got him something totally insulting like a self help book, Co-Dependency and You.

Please add your own.

Comments

Liz said…
I heard a story recently that would be a lovely dealbreaker addition: Guy and girl hang out a few times; no physical relationship develops; guy pressures her to make bet over outcome of America's Next Top Model - loser gets naked; she says "whatev"; he loses and proceeds to take off his clothes as she is holding a pillow over her face and telling him to get dressed.
jodie said…
could it be that this is just a nice guy? a nice, thoughtful person? who is a little too into KG? well, cry me a river...try dating someone with an "attachment disorder" who seems bored whenever you're in the room, and buying someone jewelry might not seem like such a deal-breaker.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Popular Posts