For KG
My friend is dating a guy who is doing almost everything wrong. I came up with an initial list of things that are immediate deal breakers. You must break up with him if he:
1. Refers to sex as "making love."
2. Burns you a CD with love songs on it and a cover he made himself from scratch ("see the paper? I cut down a tree at my parent's cabin and made it. Then I took a newspaper and carefully scissored out the letters to spell 'Our Love is King' and then I Photoshopped the images on top of all of that. I had to buy Photoshop to do it, but it was worth it").
3. SHOWING UP UNANNOUNCED IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
4. Says "I love you" before you've known each other a minimum of three months.
5. Buys you jewelry--even if it's a Christmas gift. I'm sorry--guys do not know how to pick out jewelry. In fact, I don't even know how to. Same goes for the following Christmas presents: any type of underwear/bra/nightie (ditto anything uber sexual like some type of "costume" or cinnamon jelly that heats up when you add champagne. ), absolutely anything he's made himself (but most specifically a scrapbook of, like, the one photo he's taken of you while you were sleeping with cut-out of his head glued on next to it), anything from the Winnie-the-Pooh collection (but most specifically sweatshirts), something that is way too expensive an inappropriate like say a diamond, a trip to any location outside of a five mile radius, cooking utensils/apron, any appliance, any object that is engraved with your name on it. I think it would be funny if you purposefully got him something totally insulting like a self help book, Co-Dependency and You.
Please add your own.
1. Refers to sex as "making love."
2. Burns you a CD with love songs on it and a cover he made himself from scratch ("see the paper? I cut down a tree at my parent's cabin and made it. Then I took a newspaper and carefully scissored out the letters to spell 'Our Love is King' and then I Photoshopped the images on top of all of that. I had to buy Photoshop to do it, but it was worth it").
3. SHOWING UP UNANNOUNCED IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
4. Says "I love you" before you've known each other a minimum of three months.
5. Buys you jewelry--even if it's a Christmas gift. I'm sorry--guys do not know how to pick out jewelry. In fact, I don't even know how to. Same goes for the following Christmas presents: any type of underwear/bra/nightie (ditto anything uber sexual like some type of "costume" or cinnamon jelly that heats up when you add champagne. ), absolutely anything he's made himself (but most specifically a scrapbook of, like, the one photo he's taken of you while you were sleeping with cut-out of his head glued on next to it), anything from the Winnie-the-Pooh collection (but most specifically sweatshirts), something that is way too expensive an inappropriate like say a diamond, a trip to any location outside of a five mile radius, cooking utensils/apron, any appliance, any object that is engraved with your name on it. I think it would be funny if you purposefully got him something totally insulting like a self help book, Co-Dependency and You.
Please add your own.
Comments
Not that I'm bitter or anything.