Why I Love Brooklyn and also Why I Would Never Live There

  • Because the dogs dress better than I do.
  • Because everyone is so interesting (Luke has an Irish boss who is very gregarious and wears cowboy boots and leather pants, though he’s stopped wearing the leather pants as much).
  • Because you can buy anything you want at every single local grocery store or convenience mart including half of a cherry pie that costs $8.99 and had bits of huckleberry and twigs in it. They also have green tea white chocolate ice cream that tastes either really, really good or disgusting. I couldn’t make up my mind.
  • Because you will be invited to parties where people dress up in old prom gowns and have traveled to Cairo and Morocco and own four cats, one of whom is an orphaned hairless cat that resembles a large white rat and shivers constantly. At the party, you’ll be served cold mushrooms with cheddar cheese on top and smoke someone else’s Camel Lights that happen to be next to the kitchen window. You will drink the $5.99 wine you brought (also sold at grocery stores unlike in PA) and get drunk enough to tell an unattractive girl that she’s pretty. She’ll believe. Later, she’ll pound on the bathroom door because she’s holding back the puke with one delicate finger.
  • Because you can browse in cool thrift stores packed with people and clothes racks spaced too close together. Your friend will try on a red sweater and get it stuck to her head and you will cause a slight scene trying to wrench it free from her neck and she will spend the rest of the day with her hair flying outward due to high doses of static electricity.

I love Brooklyn because Liz and Luke and Dave live there and I can hop the Chinatown bus for $20 round trip. But the most fun I had was hanging out with them in Liz’s apartment and laughing all the dang time.