But Call Me Betsy

I should probably not critique a show that I have never, ever seen before in my life and which I have only really been listening to for the last few minutes as I've had my back turned to play the 100th game of Spider Solitaire. That said, I thought while listening to One Tree Hill that it was a recap of scenes from the entire season. Not one scene runs longer than 2:30 seconds of which 2 minutes of that is filled with music that you can later buy for a mere $14.99. They keep doing all of these flashbacks; hmm...it must be some kind of like wrap up show (here comes the music, slo mo scenes of guys playing basketball, a girl who is a more filled out, healthier version of Ashley or Kirsten Olsen or maybe she's Hillary Duff's third sister? Whoever it is, it appears that she lives with her ex boyfriend who no longer wants her because she went to pursue her guitar career. Now they're making out and he's telling her to leave, something that no self respecting 16 year ol...

Lyndsey Lohan: I do not give a shit what designer bag this eighteen year old is carrying, who she is fucking, what drugs she's ingesting, or what other corporate-promoted celebrity she's battling. I saw her on the cover of Interview magazine today at Barnes & Noble and it made me distressed--it seems like all of the starlets who are in the news are bland, bland, bland. Hillary Duff and her sister, Celery, are so so so so boring. Ditto Jessica Alba and her collagen lips, ditto the talentless times two Simpsons, ditto the Olsen twigs, ditto Kiera Knightley who is like a blonder version of Winona Ryder. Maybe I'm just getting too old. That must be part of it, but it's also disgusting how celebrities are now the leaders of all things cultural, social, and cool--especially when they're primarily white, upperclass, largely under-educated and (unless you're still counting Alicia Silverstone and her love of animals) apolitical, and paid to set trends. They'...

I was innocently walking down Bainbridge on my way to the subway when I was accosted by the sight of an eighty year old woman sitting on a stoop with her legs slightly spread and her underwear and assorted parts showing. I would've thought she was a homeless person because her hair was in a crazy white halo around her head and she was wearing somewhat disheveled clothing but I've seen her a bunch of times, sitting on her front step with the apartment door open behind her. The problem is that the step is like one inch off the ground so when she sits down and when she's got on just a housecoat as she did today, more is revealed than you would ever wish to see, i.e. old lady pubic hair. That is how my day started. It has since gotten better.

Here's what happens when you watch TV on a Monday night--you are subject to great shows like Seventh Heaven where the acting is so bad that it's almost a parody; not to mention that the dialogue sounds like it's been written in fifteen minutes by a group of 7th Heaven 7th graders. Ugly Teenage Girl Who Used to Be Cute at the Beginning of the Show Ten Years Ago (in monotone): Hi, Dillon. What's going on? Hot Teenage Guy Who Would Never Be Interested Her Ever: Hey, Sophie. What's happening (also, he's supposed to be in high school and yet he looks to be about 27). UTG: (trying to emote by pursing together her heavily glossed lips): Dillon, I thought we were going to have Thanksgiving together! HTG: Sure, Sandi. We are. Why wouldn't we being having Thanksgiving dinner together, Sally? UTG: But I thought you got that one girl pregnant even though this show is supposed to be about Christians and has absolutely no edge and so it's kind of shocking that yo...

I remember about five years ago reading an article in the New York Times that mentioned a new breed of dog called a "labradoodle;" a labrador and standard poodle mix. I cut the picture out of the newpaper and stuck it on my fridge as a reminder to all of my friends that this is the dog they should surprise me with one birthday. Who knew that years later, I would meet an even better breed of dog--the "goldendoodle;" a golden retriever vs. standard poodle. CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT? You take a really smart dog and mix it with a really sweet, lovable, and water-loving dog and what do you have? Perfection. His name is Bodhi--he belongs to Jodie's brother (I'm in Pittsburgh visting them right at this second). Bodhi wears a yellow bandana. He has long, cinnamon colored eyelashes.. I am going to dognap him before I leave.

I started my evening short story writing class last night--T/R from 5:30-8:25 at TUCC. I'm auditing and so don't have to worry about a grade, but of course, I was highlighting the syllabus and nodding at whatever the teacher said because I've had years and years of social programming to suck up to instructors (despite the fact that I've actually taught this same class at Penn State). A sign up sheet went around the class and of course the last two people to get the sheet were me and the guy next to me so I have a story due on SUNDAY via email the students and teacher. That should be interesting b/c we have dinner plans with Shawn's mom tonight and then I'll be in Pittsburgh Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I might just send it early Monday morning and tell everyone to suck it. They'll still have 3 nights to read and critique the story. I'm disappointed because I wanted to use the time to write something new or to at least improve a story that's never be...

I don't typically watch Grey's Anatomy --it's not like a boycott it intentionally, it's just that there's a few annoying things about it and if I have to watch a show about hospitals, I'd rather watch ER . Shawn said last night that the show feels like the adult version of the OC (he also said that the main woman has a face like she's about to cry all the time. He said, "You know, that crying face because her eyes are squinty and have bags under them. Kirstie Allie had it too"). So my choices last night at nine o'clock were GA or Deal or No Deal (Thanks, but No Thanks) and Nightline. GA was the season finale, which might make you think that interesting things were going to happen. Here's the synopsis: The black surgeon has some kind of injury and may lose his ability to operate again (I couldn't make myself empathize with him. I kept thinking, Well, become a pediatrician or a family practioner then). His gf, the woman who rode the mot...