Thursday, July 9, 2015

To the Girl on the Train Who was Wondering if the Guy Likes Her or Not

Hi, I couldn't help but overhearing the multiple conversations about your weekend that you were having on the phone for the duration of our one hour train ride between Manhattan and Hamilton. You spoke to several people about the same topic and so I really got the gist of the situation. What happened was this: you were on your way back after spending the weekend hanging out with some people along with this guy you really, really like. Let's say his name is Jake, because I've forgotten his actual name even though you said it at every opportunity, because I think you liked saying his name, because you saying his name made the relationship more real; made it seemed like there really was a Jake and you. Wait, now that I'm thinking about it, I think his name was Jason.

So, the story went something like this:

"Jason came to pick me up at the train station and he looked really cute. He was wearing that scruffy jacket I told him I liked that other time and he just smiled at me, and I was like, What? And he said, Nothing, but then we spent the whole day together, like, going to record stores and he bought me a yogurt and we were laughing the whole time and he was just, like, super attentive. And then we played some music outside and that was good, but after a few hours, we both had to get back to where I was staying, and so we went to Sara's house and then all of the sudden, this really pretty girl shows up and the two of them left for a while, and then came back together and it was super weird. Later, I found out that she was this girl he's been seeing. But here's the thing: she was super cool. I mean, I really liked her. By the end of the night, she and I were holding hands, that's how much I liked her. What should I do?"

Except you never really asked what you should do. There wasn't anything to do, because he is obviously dating someone else. Your question was more about what it all meant. What did it mean that he picked you up and bought you fro-yo and hung out with you and gave you funny looks like he likes you? Well, it means that he likes you. It means that he wanted to spend time with you. It means that he gets something from being with you--a thrill, an excitement, an ego boost. It means that he would sleep with you if you let him. But it also means that he doesn't like you enough to not date this other girl. He likes both of you. But he likes her more.

And here's the other thing about you--you're super beautiful and it sounded like you know how to play the guitar or some such instrument and so you have something more going on. My guess is that the second you realize your value and stop giving a shit about what Jason thinks of you, Jason will want to know what happened and then he will be more interested in you. Which is why you shouldn't spend any more energy on him now.

So, instead of asking yourself if Jason likes you, the better question to ask is if you really like Jason. Do you really like this guy who wants to keep one trembling leg in the land of non-commitment while also dating another girl? A guy who likes to flirt and doesn't really care if he's giving mixed signals and might cheat on his girlfriend given the right circumstances? What is it you like about him specifically or is it that you like him most because he seems unable to see how awesome you are?

Evaluate more, pose less. Get that tattooed in a Swahili on your arm instead of stars and birds. I mean, unless that's what you really want.

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