Oh, No. The Bachelorette is On

I was at my mom's house with my bestest long lost friend visiting from Idaho via Iceland on Monday, and so unable to blog for the season premiere of The Bachelorette, but we did watch it. About ten minutes in to it, my mom said, Why are you watching this when all you're doing is making fun of it? That's the whole point, mom.

Synopsis of two hours of nonsense: No variation in approach or style. They still say, "I'll see you inside!" every time. The guys were nothing to write home about, unless you were wanting to write home to say how average and douche-y each one was. Can you say that each one was more douche-y than the one before? The show is led by 26 year old criminal prosecutor attorney cum Land's End model, Andi Dorfman. She's a pretty straight-forward brunette with a kind of softball-playing persona who will nevertheless cry 15 times over the next several weeks as she's forced to go in helicopters, jump off waterfalls, kiss on the beach with fish flopping at her feet, perform at a One Direction concert, etc. As far as the intros go, it blows my mind that the people being introduced don't spend a little more time coming up with a better introduction. Like, you have at least a couple of weeks notice that you'll be on the show, why not spend some time finding an interesting way to say hello? Bring a baby picture of yourself dressed in drag of whatever.
Remember Ricky Schroeder? This is him in the movie version of LLF with the exact same haircut as the doctor guy. 
One guy brought her the hotel lamp, another gave her these creepy voodoo dolls, another guys with a Little Lord Fauntleroy haircut announced that he was doctor and then diagnosed her as being too hot. I think she ix-nayed all of these guys, but for some reason, kept the guy with the shitty mo-hawk who looks like he's the receptionist at Gold's Gym.

"You want I should spot you on that machine?"
OMG, in searching for this picture of Cody (above), I stumbled on the "cast member" headshots and brief bios from the show. The guys all have to list their shoe size?? That is ridiculous, and yet perfect. It's like they're cattle, in a way. Which breed is the best one for her? Two of the guys list Led Zeppelin as their favorite band and they all seem to love Dumb and Dumber.

I can't guarantee I have the stomach for this next season, but I will try.