But Call Me Betsy

I had to finish up some reading for my Temple class today and so sat outside to eat a chicken wrap from the Grub Truck (by the way, the guy sends you his love, Ms. A. and K.). I realized when I was almost done eating that I was being taken over by curious sparrows, their heads cocked toward me and their black button eyes honing in on my sandwich. I would toss out a small scrap (without the honey mustard) and they would hop over and grab the piece and a couple of them would squabble over it. I felt very popular and generous. One mother bird fed the pita to her baby bird who didn't look much like a baby anymore, except he was peeping and shaking his feathers and had his beak open wide to be fed. For our writing class yesterday, our teacher laid out a blanket and then place several different objects on it: a blue teapot, a vase, a retainer, a shell, two masks, a skeleton key, a smashed up license plate, and a few other things. We were to choose one of the objects and then use it as a ...

Julie and I were talking today for awhile during work and she found something on the Web that she sent me as a link and I have not laughed that hard in a really, really, really long time (well, except for the other day when Liz almost made me pee). But I was crying, it was almost painful to laugh that much. And coincidentally, there's a line in Jazz , the Toni Morrison book I read for tomorrow's class, that's about laughter and how it is about the most serious thing in the world. I'll try to find the quote to put in here after my class today. So Liz is moved in to her new air conditioned, windowy apartment on Wilder and she let me come over to do laundry and I did not bring her a present and I ate all of her food. But I am a friendly neighbor! Jodie's coming for a visit tomorrow and I can't wait! I bought an air mattress at Target the other day so that she can have her own room (in the second whatever it is. Closet?). She may be surrounded by shoes and skirts, b...

I woke up a little disoriented this morning for some reason--couldn't at first remember if it was Saturday or Sunday. We have tomorrow off for whatever special day it is---Memorial? Labor? The 4 th of July? Yesterday, had my second appointment with the chiropractor, a very nice man who cracks my neck with a loud pop. I started going because my friend from work sees him and she told me that our insurance will pay for the massages he prescribes--this happens to be true. I've had one half hour massage so far and another scheduled for next Saturday. My only complaint is that the massage therapist talked a lot. It's really hard to carry on a coherent conversation with someone when your face is stuffed into a cushion and that other person is pummeling your back with her fists. Somehow, we managed. Every time I go to see the chiropractor, I am reminded of that book, The Road to Wellville --the book about the guy who started this sauna/spa/resort for bored rich people. The chirop...

What is it that makes someone socially awkward? Is it a way of walking, with toes splayed out or head jutting forward? Or is it how you hold your body in a chair with your knees too far apart or too close together? I guess it's this palatable sense that you are worried about how you appear to others that makes one seem awkward. I know I'm awkward on many occasions--I don't like long pauses and fill them with jabber, I don't like conflict and will deflect it with a joke or a self-deprecating comment, and I don't like being stuck in a conversation with another awkward person for more than 2 minutes. And there's definitely a difference between nerdy people and strictly awkward people--though you can be a nerdy awkward person, you aren't necessarily always an awkward nerdy person. I've known plenty of nerds who seemed utterly fine with themselves and though maybe were boring, they weren't charged with this strange energy awkward people have. I'm alwa...

I love the subway. I saw a girl on the train yesterday who had grown her hair past her knees. She had it in one long braid. My dream at the age of 10---to have Rapunzel hair. When she stood up to exit the train, the end of her braid brushed against my knee. Also, in the morning, I sat across from this high school age boy in a bright pink shirt. He was very cute and sweet looking. Later in the day, on the way to the doctor's office, I saw the same kid. I recognized him because of the shirt. There are two kinds of people who ride on the subway--those who are nervous about getting out of the subway car in time and so make you stand up before we've reached the stop and those who wait until the last second to get up and out. I am the latter. I like to think I'm tricking people who think they can predict what I'm going to do next. You know, because so many people are watching and all. I didn't go to my class last night b/c I had two appts., but I did ask the teacher for t...

Sorry to spoil it for your, but Winnie/Tessa is the nation's newest most famous engaged person to the Bachelor from Ipenama. This is of course the only important show in the entire season and I missed all but the last five minutes of it due to social obligations. I saw him smile when he spotted WT coming down the aisle, I saw her Little Mermaid blue dress, I saw him get down on one knee and he asked her to marry him and she said yes and then I think he spun her around in a circle and nearly dropped her off the edge of the balcony into the water. Here he is trying to pick her up and almost toppling over b/c they weigh about the same: Isn't this the dorkiest picture you've ever seen? It looks so awkward and painful for both of them. Anyway, I have no idea what he said to Bevin but I bet she faked a heart attack right after he told her she wasn't going to be his special lady. Tonight is the special "tell all" show so I'll watch that, and try to be a better s...

Shawn (who insists that if I had gotten to mentioning him in the last post about music, would've written that Neil Diamond's "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" reminds me of him. I guess this is true, but it wouldn't have been my first choice) sent me a link to a blog of a woman who has been fighting breast cancer--who went into remission and got married and bought a house and who now is having a recurrence of the cancer. It sort of puts into perspective the dumb shit that I obsess over every day--my appearance, my writing, my lack of savings--and makes me realize that I could be grappling with much, much more. And maybe will some day, but not today. She's doing all of this positive stuff like visualization and meditation and reading and holistic medicine and unholistic medicine--everything she can attempt to fight back. Don't you wonder how you would do in a similar situation? My fear is that I would give up immediately and become a morphine addict right ...

I am deeply in love with my i-Pod. You know how the ad campaign shows people dancing around while listening to their little silver music contraptions? That's accurate. That does happen. I just did a little dance for Ernesto because Liz Phair's "Why Can't I" came on during my shuffle selection. Ernesto was not impressed. Really, though, it's crazy that you can have every single song you love all in one place. I didn't realize that I knew so many songs that make me want to stand up and shake my money maker. Still, I tend to listen to the same artists over and over again--Liz Phair is one and also Aimee Manna and my worst, worst guilty pleasure is Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone. I like a song that uses bad grammar. (Now playing: Scandal's "Goodbye to You.") I should write an essay about how certain songs remind me every time of one person or another. And so for just that song, I'm thinking about whoever the "he" is (...

It's my birthday for the next 40 minutes--still time to send gifts. I took today off from work, woke up late, and had 3 happy birthday messages on my phone already. I got dressed, packed boxes into my car for Amanda (she's moving on Saturday, good luck!) and drove to Penn's campus to have lunch with Amanda and Kelly. We went to White Dog, where Kelly had a ham and cheese sandwich for a mere $10. I miss my girls. Saw Amanda's office, then went to Urban Outfitters, despite the fact that I am now officially 300 years too old for that store. Pretended I wasn't and bought a pair of black flower earrings and a pink shirt ($4.99 on sale). Didn't get a pedicure as planned because I wasn't wearing flip-flops (long story). Drove to the new Circle Thrift by me and bought a new-used skirt and blue cashmere sweater for only $8.00. Came home and meant to take a nap, but instead, ended up playing Solitaire and answering email. Padhraig and his friend John picked me up, dr...

Is Randy a Republican? I think he may be. He wants to show the girls Pearl Harbor, because it's the most important place in his entire monotone life. He is now showing Bevin where people blew up and died. Bevin is pretending to care while worrying that her little white daisy will blow out of her hair. He's wearing his white uniform and looks completely dorky. He can't stop giving facts: Those are black tears in the water, 501 men and women died in Pearl Harbor, 14 of those soldiers were ambidextrous. Aloha Count (three minutes into the show): 3 Dani is quite impressed because her grandmother was a nurse who was blown up (or impregnanted or both--it's not clear) on the shores of Pearl Harbor. He's forcing Dani to disassemble her flower and throw it into the inky water. "The shape of the monument is a symbol of our country and of my penis if you accept the 'stay overnight' card later.") Here comes Winnie/Tessa. She's still ambivalent about the Na...

Okay, for the record, I cannot possibly get any more technology in my life. I went to Black N Brew this morning and realized I was packing the following: my laptop and 2 accompanying cords, my cell phone, and my iPod and it's two cords. Now all I need to do is strap on a camcorder, an electronic step measurer, and battery powered roller skates and I will be the world's best lightning target. Add to which I now have digital Internet and it becomes apparent that I need to stop buying things. Spent most of the day with Liz and we laughed a lot--at one point, I laughed so much that I had to cross my legs and shout, Stop! at her. One of the things we were laughing about was her word "chuff" which stands for "chest muff" which is visibly puffing chest hair (most often, but not always, on men). We are quite mature. She took me to see her new apartment but the key wouldn't work so instead, we went to Chop Shop for a new haircut for her and bad magazine reading ...

At home anyway. I can go pick up a modem at Best Buy, but they are only open until 6 p.m. and I'll never get there in time. Sad for me. Did you ever have one of those days where your hair is so dirty, it's almost enjoyable? Mine is currently ridiculously dirty. Like, I could easily run my fingers through it and some of it would stick up in place. Very glam. I can't wait to shower. I don't have a topic today--just killing time until Celia gets over here and we can walk to the subway. Liz is moving to my neighborhood soon. That will be awesome. She has a roof deck AND a gay neighbor AND a washer and dryer in the kitchen. I gave up on my idea to buy a w/d because who knows how long I'll stay in this house and where I'll move next. I don't want to spend close to $1,000 on something that I might not need in another year. My next big selfish electronic purchase will be a digital camera.

Writing class tonight and the writing prompt was to write a list of instructions—a how to list. Everyone did well. One woman wrote a list of what you need to teach in an Inner City Public School (money to decorate and to buy plastic cups, the ability to deal with a broken car window, an extraordinarily good immune system to fight off colds). Another woman wrote a list that I would call How to Live Your Life. It included picking up pennies off the sidewalk, watering your plants, writing until you get a blister on your finger, inching toward who you want to be. Another person wrote something like What You Need to Have a Nervous Breakdown and then described what it’s like to have a dad dying of cancer. Someone else wrote “How to Be Silly” and included a description of what you would need to do in order to duplicate the Charlie Chaplin shuffle. All good; all interesting. These women are awesome and you know I must be telling the truth because I am normally a total cynic. But how can you be...

Okay, missed last week’s Bachelor and so will try to make up for it tonight. I’m not sure who got kicked off, but I believe there are only four tingling Bachelorettes left, including the crippled Bevin. I don’t understand the attraction of the show, Dancing with the Has Beens . The saddest thing about this show is that Muhammad Ali’s daughter is on it and her dad, the former heavyweight champion who used to dance like a butterfly and sting like a bee now sits in the audience looking like he’s made of stone, or perhaps dead and propped up with cotton stuffing. Billy Ray Cyrus took the opportunity to be on a live program to tell them bitches, the judges, that he is a Southern gentleman, goddamnit and them high-faluting judges need to learn them some Southern manners for Christ’s sake and Jesus on a cracker, and then he burst into his own rendition of Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much.” This last couple, Apolo (yes, with one “l”) and Julianne are doing something strange wei...

I keep thinking about that Ray Bradbury short story, "The Veldt." Have you read it? It's a futuristic piece about family life in the year 20++ where technology basically takes care of everything. The two children in the story have this amazingly life-like video projection of life an African field projected on their playroom walls--so real that you can see the lions breath and hear the sounds of the birds in the sky, feel the heat from the sun, etc. I keep thinking about it because it feels like we're not far away from that--these alternate realities in video games and the computer world and then there's this iPod thing that I now own which allows me to listen to any song I want in the entire world. I spent most of Saturday and Sunday afternoon in the coffee shop downloading music. I added pretty much every song I could think of and I still have half the space left. I walked around on both days listening to the songs on shuffle and I can tell you that the ads ...

My friends and I went to a health fair at work, mainly to get free candy and toothbrushes. In the process, we also received a three-day pass to the Philadelphia Sporting Club. On Wed., Celia, Molly and I decided to try it out. We were given a brief tour of the 198,098 square foot facility. It houses a pool, sauna, steam room, massage parlor, gift shop, food lobby, Pilate's room, yoga room, boxing ring, squash and racquetball courts, an indoor track, and acres and acres of locker/shower rooms. In the locker rooms, you can freely use the following: white towels, shampoo, spray on deodorant, hair dryer, body wash, lotion, tampons, shower caps, and pink razors. We felt very luxurious. The only drawback was that the locker rooms and cabinets are these square areas that aren't very large and there were many women there who were in various stages of undress (or completely undressed) and just milling around and chatting. I am not a completely self-conscious person, but I do find it di...

I have been crazy busy at work these days and still don't have Internet at home so I am remiss in writing. Not that anything exciting has been happening, so it's not like you're missing anything. We went over my story in writing class on Tuesday and everyone was very positive. They did say, though, that the boyfriend character was somewhat one-dimensional and that it was hard to understand why the narrator was with him. Hmm...I'll have to think about that one. The story needs better description in several scenes and a more solid conclusion and a better description of brain death. People were confused about how brain death works. I also found another story this weekend that I started a long time ago. I don't even remember writing it, but the central character is a man named Cal who is returning home after being gone for a long time. I liked it--I want to work on it, if only because I need to have at least one story that features a male protagonist. The writing exerci...