You are, like, so in shape!

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I got into an imaginary fight with a girl at the gym yesterday, this twit on the stair machine talking on her cell phone. Did you know that Megan doesn't know that her boyfriend cheated on her? I know! I know! I can't believe it either. There are levels of cell phone rudeness. I'd say that talking on your phone in a public space is slightly rude (though I am guilty of the walk-n-talk). The next level would be talking on your cell phone in an enclosed public space such as restaurant or a subway where people can't easily get away from your conversation. The next step is talking on your cell phone in an enclosed public space LOUDLY. Like, Sorry, I have to shout but I can't hear you over the sound of the choir singing in here! She was yelling to her friend because she was surrounded by work out machines that make noise. I don't know, maybe the noise should be a sign that you shouldn't be talking on your fucking phone? Since you're also supposedly exercising? I gave her a couple of dirty looks but almost fell off the machine in the process and kept worrying that she'd be a tough girl and beat me up if I told her to shut it. I'm not good at that stuff. Even if I had said something, I probably would've felt bad about it. I was trying to practice positive energy but I hated her so much that I had to move to another machine.

Shawn finally purchased a cell phone this weekend from a guy on South St. who has Tourettes. He could speak to you normally, but when he stopped speaking, his left hand would jerk and curl and he'd twitch his head and go, Doh. Doh. Dddoh. He apologized and explained that he had Tourettes. We sat down to fill out the contract. He started flicking me off, over and over. He said, "Sorry. The tick's really bad today. I probably shouldn't go out on South St. or I'll get my ass kicked." I mean, maybe he didn't have Tourettes at all. Maybe he just didn't like our looks. Too bad he wasn't at the gym yesterday so he could've done the same to cell phone girl.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Who IS this Karin?? Is she your new bestest friend? I knew that once we lived far apart you would find other friends, but she seems to REALLY like you. Could she beat me up? Is she prettier than me?

Alright, so I am happy that you've moved on. I want you to live a fulfilling life with or without me. I just hope that you will only have children with me. I am working on the cradle for little Felix and Lucy now. I am planning on twins with the help of modern technology.
10:06 AM
Karin said…
I have no interest in bearing children with Aimee. I have no penis and as far as I can tell neither does Aimee. And it would be too hard to adopt because as far as I know, PA doesn't endorse same-sex unions.

Plus, I'm almost certain you could beat me up. I've only been in one fight in my life and I just curled into the fetal position and took the blows until it was over.
12:55 PM
Darth Weasel said…
It is just more fun to interject your own comments into their conversation. Public cell conversations will simply never stop being funny. Kind of like when someone shares their second hand smoke with me and I share my used sunflower seeds with them. You might be annoyed...but I think itis funny, so it sort of works.
4:39 PM
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