But Call Me Betsy

Them Bachelorette producers are fake-breaking the rules again by allowing Chad to return to the log cabin. Never before in the history of this show has a guy who has been fired been permitted to return for one last phony conversation with most of the guys eating bowls of Bran Flakes while wearing tight white T-shirts. Cue clinking of spoons. Chad goes hair gel to hair gel with the football player. Full moon and whistling at Pete's Cabin as Chad exits, only to reappear in that one episode where they tell all (read: recap what's already been viewed). Oh, wait, there's JoJo, kissing Tom Cruise's younger (and shorter?) brother, Alex. James T. still has a scar on his face from a pool accident with one of the blow up swans. The men throw firecrackers and cupcakes into Alex's face in celebration. Chest bumps abound. Jo Jo addresses the men wearing a sparkly mermaid dress and brandishing a fishbowl sized glass of box wine. Or is she wearing a pantsuit? Hard to say. Wh...

I'm guessing because there were two previews with nosebleeds. This is really a two hour PSA about steroid abuse sponsored by the World Wide Federation of Wrestling. JoJo is throwing a pool party in her super hot black bikini. The guys all jump into the pool and ED comes up covered in blood. Oh, that explains the first nosebleed. ED has a tattoo on his arms that seems to read "Adopt Dads." JoJo is not sure if Jordan is as into her as she is into him and his wooden necklace. Is this Survivor or The Bachelorette ? JoJo keeps kissing her own arm and her dark hair in a top knot provides too much contrast to her blond highlights. 911 to the hairdresser, please.  The episode is also sponsored by Billabong, which has furnished manly necklaces for all of the contestants. One of the guys confronts Chad about his aggressiveness and then the camera cuts to the giant blow up swans floating upside down in the pool. JoJo appears for the final ceremony dressed in a sparkly ...

Like anything else. Like putting stamps on envelopes, learning how to make chicken fricassee, writing a poem, bench-pressing puppies. Chad is into eating a lot of wheat and drinking vitamin water. We get it, everyone hates the Chadsters. Chris arrives to lay out the plan--coupla group dates, one-on-ones, nothing new, even though he said it was a little bit different this time. Ginger is wearing a T-shirt I think I got in my last Stitch. Chase gets the first one-on-one where he is supposed to "get physical." Of course it has to do with hot yoga. The teacher wants to know how long the two have been intimate (as she pretends to not know that she's on the show?). The teacher illustrates what it means for them to have an anger-gasm. Embarrassing. This is what gives yoga a bad name. JoJo feels that the date is super awkward. Wait until one of them farts. That always happens. Oh, wait, instead, they are making out. Here's who they are not like: Lots of previews about ...

Started a book the other day from the Princeton library's recommended reads and it was atrocious. So bad that I started to worry that I was suffering from some kind of sudden dementia because I couldn't follow the sentences. The cover explanation should have been enough for me not to pick it up. The story is set in Victorian England (I think? They have carriages and parasols, so that's my guess) and the characters include both vampires and werewolves. The two main characters have names I kept confusing--Rue and Widget or something. "Rue" was short for Prudence, but it took me like two chapters to figure that out.  Rue or Prue or Rudence (she was called many names) is a meta-natural, which means that if she touches the skin of a vampire or werewolf, she becomes that creature for a few hours, and zaps the individual's powers for a while. I can imagine the brainstorming that led to this idea. Let's see...I need to come up with a completely different thing...