Live Frat Party on TV


I will not be watching the whole show because I have another TV date for PBS' Poldark, a show where, to date, no one has worn a thong.

Thus far, we've met a meathead, three sweet girls, and the woman with the Bambi eyelashes who brought her sister. Not sure if she's a twin or what, but she is already having throwing her wet body against a guy in the ocean as he fortuitously grabs her boobs so she won't fall over. Ashley wears a  white v-neck T-shirt with no bra. They have reminded us the Ashley is a virgin but her sister is so NOT (their emphasis, not mine). Kurt the ginger shows up and Carly likes him. I like Carly but she has dyed her hair a little too blond. One black guy so far and Ashton Kushner is back with the same half-hearted facial hair. Jillian bounces in wearing a super cute neon yellow bikini with her butt cheeks hanging out (cue black bar). Jade, remember, is the hometown girl who posed for Playboy and was promptly dumped when she told Chris and then forced him to watch her video.  J.J. has just arrived in pink pants and been cast as the villain. Any adult who goes by just their initials should rightfully be played seen as the bad guy. The other Ashley enters, ready to take on the role of the kooky girl. She immediately goes to look at the parakeets, right after saying she wasn't correctly portrayed as a loony on the last show. There will also be a wedding between the two previous Paradise contestants.

Chris tells them to follow him into a tent and to sit on the wooden settees. He announces that one of the women will be going home. As for the sisters, Chris says that if you extend a rose to one, they will both be staying. Why? The other girls are immediately jealous.

Chris Harrison wants to show them something interesting. He wears a blue leisure suite--matching pants and jacket, probably no socks, but we never do get to see his ankles. He's going to take them to the wedding of those other beautiful people who met and bonded within fifteen minutes in the last season. Boring. I forgot how boring this particular show is. How much money did they pay Marcus and Lacey to pretend to be married by Chris Harrison? Fifty thousand? Only two of their family members are allowed to attend. Chris reminds them that they failed at love on their first reality shows, but that love was with them and they were able to find each other on the second reality show. Wow. They share some canned and unsurprising vows and are pronounced Harrison, which means that all of the vows are extra meaningless. Smiles all around from the cast. The one girl with a tragic story that I don't remember catches the bouquet. Almost no teeth were knocked out in the grabbing of the bouquet.

Lots of drinking will ensue, tears will be shed, and bikinis will be worn. I'll try to catch up next week (it moves the Monday nights after this one special episode).

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