"And the next name I'm going to say is..."

That's Tyra Banks' frequently repeated line during the choosing part of America's Top Anorexic which I swear I only watched for four minutes. Every time she was peparing to pick the next lucky girl (who invariably squealed and seemd to pee her pants a little), she would say, "And the next name I'm going to say is...Amberlynnheatherjenniferkooklafranandollie." Why not just say the name? I guess it would've detracted from the final line, "And the LAST name I'm going to say is..." Though my Brooklyn Liz loves the show, I never got into it, especially after seeing part of one episode where the models were sprayed with a garden hose at a Phillips 66 station and made to straddle a Monster truck-sized tire for a photo shoot. I have no reality shows now, since we don't have cable and consequently don't watch much TV, though we can at least listen to the Daily Show and ignore the scrambled screen. It's like being back in 1940's, gathered around a gigantic radio listening to "Fireside Chats."

I can catch Real World Austin at the gym, but I much prefer the horrific Laguna Beach if only because of its unapologetic fakeness. Can't watch any of the home/weight loss/nose improvement shows; they're boring and try so hard to be emotionally manipulative. "The Connors have three children. Mariah, six, was just diagnosed with spina bifida. Taylor, eight, was hit by a tractor trailer and can't ever go outside now because the house isn't wheelchair accessible. And Briana, 10, is bald from the luekemia treatments she's had regularly for the last 8 years. Mr. Connor has just been laid off from his job at the factory and Mrs. Connor's insurance company where she's worked for 20 years just burned to the ground on Tuesday. Watch as we tear down and rebuild their family house and restore their hopes and dreams by turning the garage into a pinball gallery." Last scene: Everyone in tears, going, Omigod, thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you and the little bald kid looking up at her parents and saying, Mommy, I think my white blood cell count just went up! The newest of the gag-reflex reality shows is Amy Grant's Three Wishes. Same premise; lots of dying children and poor people being given the chance to have 3 things they've always wanted. My wish is that the first show would be some kid going, And my third wish is for this show to be taken off the air and never ever ever replaced by anything remotely resembling this thinly veiled excuse to talk about Jesus on network TV.

P.S. The Pro-Blowing People Up Rally yesterday brought out approximately 400 people (from the TV footage, it looked like about 50 people, 15 of whom were kids and 20 more who appeared to be tourist just walking across the screen on their way the Washington Monument). The estimated number for the Peace Rally was 100,000 and this was the number given on Fox News so you know it was more like 500,000...