Anti-Top Knot

How apolitical, to take a position on a hair style, but I keep seeing it everywhere in Philly, these girls with their hair on top of their heads in a purposefully messy top knot. I know it's purposeful, because achieving the top knot isn't easy--it's not like you just put it in a ponytail and then go; there's actually hardware required to make it look right. You need to use these doughnut shaped, sponge-like spheres to execute properly.

Example:

To me, unless you are a ballerina and required to wear this style because you're in The Nutcracker (the one ballet I can name easily), I feel like the top-knot is a waste of time, in part because I think it's hard to pull off. Like, unless you have sharp cheekbones and a delicate nose and big eyes, you end up looking like you've just rolled off a covered wagon. Only Ma Ingalls can pull this off.

Or you might wear it another way, this super whimsical top knot where you look as though your IQ has plummeted, as if all of your brain cells have been pulled out in creating this style:

 

Also reminds me of this:

 Or there is the version where you make a super fat top knot, and people who see you can't stop thinking of bundt cakes or wondering if a bird or two might actually fly out at any moment.

But perhaps my main dislike of the top knot is that I can't personally pull it off at all. I've tried, and it makes me look old and school marmish, and not in a fun way. More like this: