Bad Break Up Lines

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On campus today, I overheard two guys talking about friends who had recently broken up with someone and were lamenting the loss. The one guys said, And I told Abigal, but he's an asshole! She didn't email me back. She likes him, even though he told her she was too much work." The other guy said, "Yeah, my friend in New York had a guy break up with her by going, 'You're exhausting.' I mean, what a lame thing to say. They should have a cautionary list of bad break-up lines." Which of course made me think of myself (they could be discussing Auschwitz and I could find a way to reference it back to me, me, me). I've heard a few good break-up lines in my life, some of which I may have mentioned before:

1. Not-yet-over-his-wife-philosophy-professor. After six months of dating, I said, I love you. He said, I think of you fondly. The end.

2. "I don't think I can match your level of intensity." Guy who wanted me to do unspeakable things to his body. I think he was projecting.

3. "I can't tell if you're really, really smart or if your head is screwed on too tight." This wasn't really a break up line; just something a guy said to me in high school. He never knew if I was joking or not; never knew if I could tell that what I was saying was funny b/c I didn't laugh after making a joke.

4. Conversly, I had one date with a guy who said, "Enough with the jokes already." He was trying to reveal his soul (on the first date?) and I being too jokey about it. 

And then I've not been the greatest breaker-upper either. I ended a five year relationship by moving out of state without telling the guy I wouldn't be back (he thought I would just be gone for the summer. I guess I did too until I got there). Still, it's a lame way to break up...The extended, long-distance, "can you bring my cat with you when you visit and my photos and by the way I won't be coming back with you ever"  break-up.

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