Why I Don't Watch the Olympics
1. As an only child, I grew up competing against exactly no one, except for my pretend friend, Katcha, who I imagined as a slightly slow girl from Russia. She and I would play Sorry together and "sorry!" but I always won. Hence, I don't really get the whole competition thing. Can't everyone win? 2. No Olympic event could ever top Nadia Comaneci's gold medals and perfect 1o scores, nor her cuteness. 3. It's difficult for me to watch any of the Olympic events, even skeet-shooting, because everyone is so tense. You just know that the athlete is thinking, Don't fuck up, don't fuck up, don't fuck up ...And then, guess what? Sometimes, s/he fucks up and then you know they will be reliving that particular moment over and over and over and over again for the rest of her/his life. 4. The announcers try to heighten the tensiosity. "Well, as you know, if Tatiana doesn't at least get a silver here, her entire family will be shipped back in a pet carri...